Reply #9: Intervention is possible

[elleng]

with just you and him.

I was planning to arrange a 'family' intervention, which would have meant john's family coming in from out of town; I think I had arranged for him to be examined for admission on a certain date, but my fancy idea hadn't worked. I called the hospital and one of the kind folks told me that i could do it myself, and explained how.

I made a short list of his 'destructive' behaviors, and/or objective facts showing that he was out of control, like losing a job, being unable to get another (he's a lawyer, so being a creative genius is NOT a major term of employment!) I spoke to him in morning, before he had anything to drink; otherwise its hopeless.

I told him he'd have to move out of my apartment unless he agreed to enter a treatment program. I intended to tell him more, like effect of his behaviors on friends and family, but ended up not necessary; he agreed.

An important part of a good program is self-diagnosis, ie, recognizing attributes of alcoholism that he's known made him different for a long time; being able to drink MUCH MORE than others without falling on face, so early he recognizes things about the disease that he's known about all along.

You may get ideas/anecdotes from family members, like there won't be any more enabling. And let him know family is behind him, of course.

ASs to the self-hate you mention, it might be because he somehow knows he's different, and hasn't been able to face/confront the problem. One great thing about Milam's studies is he's shown that alcoholism is a DISEASE, and it cannot be cured; he's NOT morally deficient, but has to face up to it, with the help of friends etc.

Its late now so i'm not being at all creative, but we can talk again if you'd like. I suggest that you read through the entire site I sent you; lots of info there, even tho they do some promoting of their services.

Fingers Crossed! Ellen