Beausoir
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Mon Sep-03-07 10:12 PM
Original message |
| Looking for some insight on a possibly abusive relationship. |
|
It's a woman I know and love. She has been married for about 6 years. Her 2nd, his 3rd. He becomes enraged and throws things. Wine glasses against the wall. Kicks holes in the wall. Slams doors and storms out of the house.
He says it is because she treats him poorly. She loves him...for whatever reason. I can't stand him. He denigrates her young children. He is the type of guy who can't make it through a single restaurant meal...ever...without calling the manager over to bitch about something.
Anyway, my question is....will this throwing of objects, kicking, etc, escalate until he hits her?
Sounds simplistic, but she SWEARS up and down that he would never hurt her physically.
I just don't know what to say to her. How to help her.
If anyone could give a little advice, I would really appreciate it.
I am frightened and I feel the need to step in and remove this guy from the situation in any way that I can. The little short pipsqueek shithead.
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| -Looking for some insight on a possibly abusive relationship. |
Beausoir |
Sep-03-07 10:12 PM |
#0 |
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If he is throwing things in the house, she needs to get the hell out. |
A HERETIC I AM |
Sep-03-07 10:17 PM |
#1 |
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Yes, that is really what I think, too. And he throws things on a regular basis. |
Beausoir |
Sep-03-07 10:18 PM |
#2 |
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I wish there were an easy answer. |
PDJane |
Sep-03-07 10:26 PM |
#9 |
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My neighbor was badly beaten by her first husband for a couple of years. |
Beausoir |
Sep-03-07 10:29 PM |
#12 |
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I know there are many women on this board that can speak from either experience or a professional |
A HERETIC I AM |
Sep-03-07 10:31 PM |
#13 |
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It happens with guys too; |
PDJane |
Sep-03-07 10:54 PM |
#28 |
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This is an abusive relationship, and it is very likely to escalate. |
yardwork |
Sep-03-07 10:19 PM |
#3 |
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It's my sister. She is financially independent. His business just tanked, so she is carrying him. |
Beausoir |
Sep-03-07 10:22 PM |
#5 |
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If it is your sister, I would venture to guess... |
A HERETIC I AM |
Sep-03-07 10:37 PM |
#18 |
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My 'relative' in post 23 was my brother |
Mind_your_head |
Sep-03-07 10:48 PM |
#24 |
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Is he abusing any substances? |
Tandalayo_Scheisskopf |
Sep-03-07 11:24 PM |
#38 |
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If he's making her responsible for his raging, there's a problem. |
sfexpat2000 |
Sep-03-07 10:20 PM |
#4 |
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I'm really scared. I am so glad she told me last night, but I couldn't sleep a wink afterwards. |
Beausoir |
Sep-03-07 10:23 PM |
#6 |
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If you want to help her, YOU have to keep your head |
sfexpat2000 |
Sep-03-07 10:56 PM |
#30 |
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She needs to find out why she is accepting an abusive man |
DemGa |
Sep-03-07 10:23 PM |
#7 |
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This is her second go around. The first one was verbally and mentally abusive. |
Beausoir |
Sep-03-07 10:26 PM |
#8 |
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See the earlier answer. |
PDJane |
Sep-03-07 10:28 PM |
#11 |
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He is the problem, not her... |
Baby Snooks |
Sep-03-07 11:23 PM |
#37 |
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Abusers like nothing better than to find a kindhearted person |
Lydia Leftcoast |
Sep-04-07 08:55 PM |
#90 |
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Unless she gets some services of a mental health practioner |
Stargazer99 |
Sep-03-07 10:27 PM |
#10 |
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I also think she is dealing with shame. She is ashamed of his actions and would be mortified if her |
Beausoir |
Sep-03-07 10:31 PM |
#15 |
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Domestic violence effects all income levels and professions |
yardwork |
Sep-04-07 12:46 AM |
#48 |
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She's an attorney???? |
idgiehkt |
Sep-04-07 06:18 PM |
#82 |
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Yes, but surely you recognize that abuse crosses all income and education levels. |
Beausoir |
Sep-04-07 08:32 PM |
#85 |
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I didn't say it made her immune |
idgiehkt |
Sep-04-07 08:34 PM |
#86 |
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Okay....I understand your point. |
Beausoir |
Sep-04-07 08:39 PM |
#88 |
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Sounds very unhealthy... |
ljm2002 |
Sep-03-07 10:31 PM |
#14 |
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Sound advice. I will take it to heart. |
Beausoir |
Sep-03-07 10:33 PM |
#16 |
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"He says it is because she treats him poorly" |
flvegan |
Sep-03-07 10:33 PM |
#17 |
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You are powerless in this situation. |
seriousstan |
Sep-03-07 10:40 PM |
#19 |
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Beausoir, go get her and the kids |
JulieRB |
Sep-03-07 10:40 PM |
#20 |
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It has to be done very carefully if that's the plan. |
sfexpat2000 |
Sep-03-07 10:52 PM |
#27 |
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¡Peligro! |
Swamp Rat |
Sep-03-07 10:58 PM |
#31 |
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Yes. n/t |
sfexpat2000 |
Sep-03-07 10:59 PM |
#33 |
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sfexpat, absolutely |
JulieRB |
Sep-04-07 01:16 AM |
#49 |
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I can't do that. She is not ready. Nowhere near ready to leave. She says she "adores" him. |
Beausoir |
Sep-03-07 11:52 PM |
#41 |
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Maybe you can appeal to her sense of responsibility |
BlackVelvet04 |
Sep-04-07 12:11 AM |
#45 |
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How can she adore a man who's berating and belittling her children? |
JulieRB |
Sep-04-07 01:18 AM |
#50 |
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If there is a Safe Passage tell her to go there |
seemslikeadream |
Sep-03-07 10:43 PM |
#21 |
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Denigrating children is inexcusable. Period. She need out. nt |
Colorado Progressive |
Sep-03-07 10:43 PM |
# |
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Check this out |
Baby Snooks |
Sep-03-07 10:43 PM |
#22 |
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Denigrating her kids is reason enough for her to get out & leave |
Mind_your_head |
Sep-03-07 10:44 PM |
#23 |
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He might never hurt her but he's denigrating her kids, |
DemBones DemBones |
Sep-03-07 10:49 PM |
#25 |
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Please ask her the question my therapist asked me (before I filed for divorce): |
hisownpetard |
Sep-03-07 10:49 PM |
#26 |
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"No two children ever had the same parents." |
Mind_your_head |
Sep-03-07 10:54 PM |
#29 |
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Absolutely, the family dynamic is entirely |
DemBones DemBones |
Sep-03-07 10:59 PM |
#32 |
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I asked her that last night. Would she allow someone to treat her daughter the same way? |
Beausoir |
Sep-03-07 11:51 PM |
#40 |
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Whether he ever strikes her or not... |
Ino |
Sep-03-07 11:00 PM |
#34 |
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It will escalate. |
emilyg |
Sep-03-07 11:11 PM |
#35 |
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Understand that she doesn't want to "fail" at marriage again. |
DemBones DemBones |
Sep-03-07 11:15 PM |
#36 |
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Yes, I've known cases like that: |
Lydia Leftcoast |
Sep-04-07 08:58 PM |
#91 |
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YES! It will escalate! |
Triana |
Sep-03-07 11:27 PM |
#39 |
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He sounds like a control freak |
buddyhollysghost |
Sep-04-07 12:04 AM |
#42 |
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she needs to get out |
mzteris |
Sep-04-07 12:07 AM |
#43 |
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as the survivor of marriage to an emotionally abusive man.... |
grasswire |
Sep-04-07 12:11 AM |
#44 |
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counselor asked me if "this was the kind of relationship I had envisioned being in" while growing up |
fed-up |
Sep-04-07 12:23 AM |
#46 |
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The only thing you can do is be her friend and |
Jamastiene |
Sep-04-07 12:39 AM |
#47 |
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Been there done that and the only thing I know for sure |
Horse with no Name |
Sep-04-07 01:25 AM |
#51 |
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You know, it's a good sign that your sister finally told you what's been going on. |
hisownpetard |
Sep-04-07 02:35 AM |
#52 |
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I am the survivor of an abusive relationship. |
distantearlywarning |
Sep-04-07 08:21 AM |
#53 |
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What you said about therapy is important... |
ljm2002 |
Sep-04-07 01:54 PM |
#68 |
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Get her out. Now. It is unlikely to get better. |
triguy46 |
Sep-04-07 08:22 AM |
#54 |
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If you get her out/she gets out now, |
Dangerously Amused |
Sep-04-07 09:09 AM |
#55 |
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Short answer, yes |
skygazer |
Sep-04-07 09:16 AM |
#56 |
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he denigrates her young children---time for him to go even if he was a prince to her. |
chimpsrsmarter |
Sep-04-07 10:19 AM |
#57 |
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If he's been doing this stuff for 6 years and hasn't hit her.... |
noonwitch |
Sep-04-07 10:37 AM |
#58 |
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If he punches holes in the wall... |
AngryOldDem |
Sep-04-07 10:49 AM |
#59 |
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It may or may not escalate into that... |
SacredCow |
Sep-04-07 10:59 AM |
#60 |
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imo yes, it will escalate |
redqueen |
Sep-04-07 11:04 AM |
#61 |
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The fact that he blames her for his behavior is a tip-off. |
CBHagman |
Sep-04-07 11:22 AM |
#62 |
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That behavior is very likely to escallate. |
ThomCat |
Sep-04-07 11:54 AM |
#63 |
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BTDT and in my relationship, yes it turned to physical abuse... |
Debbi801 |
Sep-04-07 12:04 PM |
#64 |
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No |
SimpleTrend |
Sep-04-07 12:40 PM |
#65 |
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destroying property and denigrating children is over the line |
Kali |
Sep-04-07 02:37 PM |
#69 |
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The key indicator is his stated reason for doing so |
skygazer |
Sep-04-07 04:33 PM |
#74 |
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Thank you. That cannot be emphasized enough. n/t |
Shakespeare |
Sep-04-07 04:41 PM |
#76 |
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Absolutely. |
Ariana Celeste |
Sep-04-07 04:43 PM |
#78 |
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he has prolly already hurt her and she is lying about it OR he has |
wildhorses |
Sep-04-07 01:01 PM |
#66 |
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even if he has not physically hurt her |
MissMillie |
Sep-04-07 01:06 PM |
#67 |
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It doesn't even matter if it never escalates. Throwing glasses, kicking walls, and temper |
grace0418 |
Sep-04-07 02:54 PM |
#70 |
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what does this mean? |
idgiehkt |
Sep-04-07 03:30 PM |
#71 |
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I was terrified that if my parents divorced |
GoddessOfGuinness |
Sep-04-07 04:42 PM |
#77 |
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I didn't understand that part back then either |
idgiehkt |
Sep-04-07 05:35 PM |
#80 |
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It's pretty simple, really. He is hurting people I love. I want him gone. |
Beausoir |
Sep-04-07 08:29 PM |
#84 |
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I do not know how you do it |
idgiehkt |
Sep-04-07 08:39 PM |
#87 |
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Heh. I leave my profile ambiguous for a reason. |
Beausoir |
Sep-04-07 08:51 PM |
#89 |
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I am no expert, but . . . |
Brigid |
Sep-04-07 04:24 PM |
#72 |
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Ask her if she's willing to risk her kids' lives and sanity |
GoddessOfGuinness |
Sep-04-07 04:29 PM |
#73 |
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Could be a symptom of a larger problem. |
Ariana Celeste |
Sep-04-07 04:40 PM |
#75 |
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What an inmature brat! |
Maestro |
Sep-04-07 05:05 PM |
#79 |
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Do whatever it takes to get her away from this maniac. Intervention if necessary. |
Seabiscuit |
Sep-04-07 05:44 PM |
#81 |
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Abusive, anger Issues, escalation guaranteed....emotional abuse is as damaging as physical |
MichiganVote |
Sep-04-07 06:27 PM |
#83 |
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