Reply #25: I wish I had a dime for every time I've been asked,

[sarge43]

I'd own Bill Gates.

A few of my answers:

"I can't. (Pause here while gossip gets ready for a medical horror story) Following the incident, a court order was issued."

"I misplaced them at the supermarket and couldn't be bothered to look for them. I did warn them, wander off again and you're on your own."

"I did have a couple once, but we were traveling west and were caught in a terrible blizzard. We got awfully hungry .... should I go on?"

"Mmmm, let's see. Oh yes. Neither my husband nor I want any. Any other rude questions?"

Actual exchange --

Me: I don't think I'd be a good parent.

Gossip: Oh, you'll feel different when you have them.

Me: Uh huh. What if I don't, just too bad for them, right?

Gossip: (Blank stare)