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Reply #30: if she's stuck [View All]

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idgiehkt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-30-07 03:25 AM
Response to Reply #18
30. if she's stuck
Edited on Mon Jul-30-07 03:25 AM by idgiehkt
and using you to stay stuck, there is an approach they use in al-anon that might work for you. Every time she starts with the complaining or whatever, answer it with "what are you gonna do about it?". Don't give her advice. Just ask that question, over and over. She might stop using you as a shoulder to cry on, and she might actually do something to change things...either way it might save your sanity.
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  -I need somehow to stop this craziness . . . Bullwinkle925  Jul-29-07 04:09 PM   #0 
  - What purpose does it serve you to spend time with her or talk to her?  bob_weaver   Jul-29-07 04:13 PM   #1 
  - i really am beginning to wonder . . .  Bullwinkle925   Jul-29-07 04:17 PM   #3 
     - All I can really say is...  bob_weaver   Jul-29-07 06:30 PM   #17 
        - sadly true . . .  Bullwinkle925   Jul-29-07 10:30 PM   #19 
           - I don't see anything changing unless you change what you do. Not just what you say,  bob_weaver   Jul-29-07 10:52 PM   #22 
              - boy, don't think that thought doesn't go around and around and around . . .  Bullwinkle925   Jul-29-07 11:00 PM   #23 
                 - Fine... but if simply telling her that doesn't work, you will have to SHOW her you mean it.  bob_weaver   Jul-29-07 11:08 PM   #24 
                    - indeed - 'Tough Love' for friends . . .  Bullwinkle925   Jul-29-07 11:12 PM   #26 
                       - Yes, I have ended friendships because of this.  bob_weaver   Jul-29-07 11:20 PM   #28 
                          - i know you are right . . .  Bullwinkle925   Jul-29-07 11:26 PM   #29 
  - Pushing 60?!  KC2   Jul-29-07 04:15 PM   #2 
  - fortunately - she has an hmo plan - kaiser - and she does see a . . .  Bullwinkle925   Jul-29-07 04:19 PM   #5 
     - hmm... yeah, just re-read that  KC2   Jul-29-07 04:21 PM   #6 
  - It might sound mean, but sometimes the best thing you can do  LaraMN   Jul-29-07 04:19 PM   #4 
  - Actually - I've said some things in the past couple of years that I think sounded *mean* . . .  Bullwinkle925   Jul-29-07 04:27 PM   #7 
  - She sounds very much like my late sister  skygazer   Jul-29-07 04:41 PM   #8 
  - You're right . . .  Bullwinkle925   Jul-29-07 04:53 PM   #9 
     - Well, my suggestion would be not to dump anything on her  skygazer   Jul-29-07 04:57 PM   #10 
        - I am going to tell her how I feel - that she is definitely wearing on our  Bullwinkle925   Jul-29-07 04:59 PM   #11 
           - You could try that tack without mentioning her quirks.  Gormy Cuss   Jul-29-07 10:42 PM   #20 
              - Well, gormy - as it just so happened . . .  Bullwinkle925   Jul-29-07 10:52 PM   #21 
  - I am going through the exact same thing right now.  VenusRising   Jul-29-07 05:01 PM   #12 
  - I had a friend like that  JitterbugPerfume   Jul-29-07 05:02 PM   #13 
  - 1. Get a nice bottle of wine  AngryAmish   Jul-29-07 05:10 PM   #14 
  - LOL . . .  Bullwinkle925   Jul-29-07 05:18 PM   #15 
  - stop trying to control her and make her do anything  idgiehkt   Jul-29-07 06:13 PM   #16 
  - you could be right . . .  Bullwinkle925   Jul-29-07 09:08 PM   #18 
     - if she's stuck  idgiehkt   Jul-30-07 03:25 AM   #30 
  - Maybe there's an over 60 league?  treestar   Jul-29-07 11:09 PM   #25 
  - that's what i asked her today . . .  Bullwinkle925   Jul-29-07 11:16 PM   #27 
  - for some people drama is like breathing, and sympathy the oxygen  NuttyFluffers   Jul-30-07 07:41 AM   #31 
  - yes - you've validated what i've been thinking . . .  Bullwinkle925   Jul-30-07 03:33 PM   #32 
  - I've known people like that my whole life.  Midlodemocrat   Jul-30-07 03:36 PM   #33 
  - Your last paragraph - you should go with that. That would be encouraging.  applegrove   Jul-30-07 05:04 PM   #34 
 

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