I have been suicidal in the past

[Droopy]

And I almost killed myself and took someone with me one time. I was afraid all the time. I thought that people had used and abused me in a way that had ruined my life. Then the fear turned to rage. I thought that if I couldn't live without horrendous pain then I might as well end it all and take away the life of the person who I'd thought had done me the most damage. It was anger so intense that I would have nuked the planet if I would have had the power.

I was lucky that I had a person in my life who I could reveal all of that to without hurting her and she convinced me that I needed help in a desperate way.

I learned in the hospital that I have a mental illness called schizoaffective disorder. It is a disease that is capable of producing psychosis which was what I was suffering from. I have some symptoms of schizophrenia and some symptoms of bipolar disorder. I now take an anti-psychotic and a mood stabilizer.

It's been almost four years since my breakdown and I haven't experienced a symptom since I started the medication.

That young man who killed all those people in Virginia was probably severely ill. He was at the prime age for onset of severe mental illness. If he would have found a way or would have had a person he could open up to they all might still be alive.

I've written about my battles with mental illness on here occasionally. I also helped to start the Mental Health Support Group. It's my way of trying to raise awareness about the issue. We need to start a dialog about mental illness on a national level. We need to find a way to make it easier for people to get help. 1% of the people in this country suffer from schizophrenia. 2% suffer from bipolar disorder. .5% suffer from what I have. That means that 3.5% of the population in this country suffers from a mental illness capable of producing psychosis if it is not treated. The most common onset ages are between 18 and 25.

I have to go to bed now. I work 3rd shift. I will check for replies later. Feel free to ask any questions. I will do my best to answer them.