Reply #105: My 2 cents

[Connonym]

First off, wow, some of the responses here are pretty harsh. I think you seem sincere and I'm sorry that you feel hurt by this. My personal take on the situation -- I think you have this backwards "you're nice" isn't the reason she's not interested. She's not interested for who knows what reason (chemistry?) but she's trying to reassure you that you weren't a jackass or in some other way offensive. I have dated a lot of fun dates with men who were perfectly nice and WISHED I could have been attracted to them but wasn't. I wouldn't be able to put a finger on exactly why, it just is what it is. Some people need to feel a spark from the very start. The lack of spark isn't always personal. It doesn't mean you're ugly or hideous or have some other fatal flaw. It's not an insult.

The second thing, I personally don't think you should act different on a date than what you really are. I don't think you should change the way you talk. If politics and religion,etc., are important to you, there's no reason you should avoid those subjects. Be yourself. Be genuine. Be confident in who you are. These are the things that attract people. Trying hard to make a good impression, especially if it's by acting unnaturally, sometimes comes off as trying TOO hard.

So relax, be yourself. Try to plan a first date somewhere that you feel comfortable (you'll feel more confident). Be in the moment and enjoy the other person's company without thinking about where it's headed. I wish you luck. :hug: