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Reply #36: let me reframe it for you [View All]

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idgiehkt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-22-07 03:40 PM
Response to Original message
36. let me reframe it for you
Edited on Thu Feb-22-07 03:45 PM by idgiehkt
"By just telling a guy he is "Nice" you are ripping his balls of and stomping on them. All it does is make him question every aspect of who he is as a man."

Don't you know that a whole lot of women are attracted to assholes? There are many women out there who are attracted to men who are incapable of intimacy because they themselves are not ready for a romantic relationship or fear intimacy themselves. So they seek out men that are not healthy partners because on some level they know that nothing will really ever come of it; trust me, I speak from experience. It says NOTHING at all about you or your masculinity, in fact it is probably a positive. There is nothing wrong with being called a nice guy, it's just that some women are not ready for a 'nice guy' so they appear to prefer guys that are not so nice. You are giving the woman way, way, way too much power over your mental state. It's entirely possible that you are in fact, a nice guy, and that a nice guy is a really good thing to be, and that when it is the right time you will meet a woman who can actually accept a 'nice guy' into her life; I hope to be one of those women one day. Until then you might continue to hear this, and that is okay; it doesn't mean that you are ugly or undesirable in any way, it probably means she has a few more rounds to go with lotharios and playas before she's gotten it all out of her system. There isn't much you can do about that, but if you've dotted all your 'i's and crossed all your 't's, and have your game down, so to speak, stop assuming that it is her point of view that should have more credence.
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  -Women tell guys the truth don't call them nice. SIMPLYB1980  Feb-22-07 09:34 AM   #0 
  - Maybe she was being honest.  Buzz Clik   Feb-22-07 09:40 AM   #1 
  - Would it accomplish anything if she said you are "too boring", or "too dumb" or  SharonAnn   Feb-22-07 09:59 AM   #10 
  - My husband told me that all the ladies  ayeshahaqqiqa   Feb-22-07 09:40 AM   #2 
  - Is he a nice guy?  Mika   Feb-22-07 09:42 AM   #4 
     - No, but niceness is a NECESSARY but not SUFFICIENT condition  Lydia Leftcoast   Feb-22-07 09:46 AM   #7 
     - Ok. Agreed. But, did you tell dates that they're boring or too narrow for you?  Mika   Feb-22-07 09:51 AM   #9 
        - No, I just said that there was no chemistry  Lydia Leftcoast   Feb-22-07 10:38 AM   #18 
     - Absolutely nothing wrong with being a nice guy  ayeshahaqqiqa   Feb-22-07 08:17 PM   #69 
  - Sometimes there's nothing specific  Lydia Leftcoast   Feb-22-07 09:40 AM   #3 
  - Good advice.  Mika   Feb-22-07 09:45 AM   #6 
  - I second that. Being called nice with no other input is particularly emasculating. n/t  poverlay   Feb-22-07 09:42 AM   #5 
  - If one can't take the heat, then get outta the kitchen.  Mika   Feb-22-07 09:48 AM   #8 
  - If the success rate of some assholes I know is any indication  Bassic   Feb-23-07 07:05 AM   #85 
  - What the heck is this?  Idealist Hippie   Feb-22-07 10:09 AM   #11 
     - I never said anything like that.  SIMPLYB1980   Feb-22-07 10:54 AM   #19 
     - Sorry -- I was responding to "Poverlay", Post #5 --  Idealist Hippie   Feb-22-07 11:07 AM   #21 
        - I didn't say not getting a second date was emasculating, I said that being labeled "nice" as a  poverlay   Feb-22-07 11:27 AM   #22 
           - Interesting  lukasahero   Feb-22-07 11:49 AM   #25 
           - I really don't thing manly and nice are mutually exclusive. All I have to do to disprove that is to  poverlay   Feb-22-07 12:11 PM   #28 
           - "Most attributes considered "manly" do not fall into the "nice" category"  lukasahero   Feb-22-07 12:20 PM   #29 
           - Good point  Lydia Leftcoast   Feb-22-07 12:56 PM   #30 
           - Yes.  Radical Activist   Feb-22-07 05:49 PM   #55 
              - I like this thread  rockymountaindem   Feb-22-07 08:20 PM   #70 
                 - I have broken up with guys before  XemaSab   Feb-24-07 12:07 AM   #175 
                 - A lot of immature women (and men) will seem to go for the person  smirkymonkey   Feb-25-07 07:33 PM   #187 
           - I think that there's another interpretation  Orrex   Feb-22-07 01:01 PM   #31 
           - I Call It the "Inaudible 'But...'"  Crisco   Feb-23-07 10:50 AM   #115 
              - Exactly.  bushwentawol   Feb-23-07 12:03 PM   #134 
           - Very perceptive n./t  rockymountaindem   Feb-22-07 07:40 PM   #67 
           - From my experience, it doesn't necessarily come off as THE reason  Bassic   Feb-23-07 07:09 AM   #86 
           - Lukasahero nailed it  Patiod   Feb-23-07 08:22 AM   #90 
           - Aw (not what you think)  lukasahero   Feb-23-07 08:26 AM   #91 
              - Least painful breakup ever  Patiod   Feb-23-07 09:24 AM   #102 
           - Right on!  raccoon   Feb-23-07 08:46 AM   #97 
           - Gee - I guess the next time I go on a date and I find that there is  smirkymonkey   Feb-25-07 07:25 PM   #186 
           - It's not either/or -- "interesting" is another layer needed, on top of "nice."  Idealist Hippie   Feb-22-07 11:54 AM   #26 
           - Agreed. n/t  poverlay   Feb-22-07 12:08 PM   #27 
           - So maybe a woman should use another adjective instead of "nice?"  raccoon   Feb-23-07 08:44 AM   #96 
     - this sure explains a lot, doesn't it?  freeplessinseattle   Feb-22-07 11:40 AM   #23 
        - I'm sorry if you thought I was calling this a feminist term.  SIMPLYB1980   Feb-22-07 01:39 PM   #32 
           - Singular: Woman; Plural: Women  PelosiFan   Feb-23-07 01:44 PM   #152 
  - Okay, I'll be honest with you.  SmokingJacket   Feb-22-07 10:10 AM   #12 
  - Hmmm no response  sandnsea   Feb-22-07 03:59 PM   #47 
  - They would be asking themselves, "Who are you? What makes you tick?"  KCabotDullesMarxIII   Feb-23-07 05:55 PM   #164 
  - DING DING DING!!  lildreamer316   Feb-22-07 04:00 PM   #48 
  - Best advice on this thread. Hope OP is listening, because your post says it all.  patricia92243   Feb-22-07 06:28 PM   #62 
  - Indeed  WilliamPitt   Feb-23-07 08:18 AM   #89 
  - I agree!  latebloomer   Feb-24-07 06:52 PM   #182 
  - I had a woman in my life...  Tandalayo_Scheisskopf   Feb-22-07 10:14 AM   #13 
  - Not exactly on topic, but I like the "Sheisskopf" part of your name  KCabotDullesMarxIII   Feb-22-07 10:26 AM   #15 
  - Women who go for "bad boys" are basically immature  Lydia Leftcoast   Feb-22-07 10:56 AM   #20 
  - Exactly! Immature people of BOTH sexes go for the wrong things.  redqueen   Feb-22-07 03:50 PM   #41 
  - I'm afraid in young males, the gonads speak with a unique eloquence.  KCabotDullesMarxIII   Feb-23-07 06:00 PM   #165 
  - After reading this  Radical Activist   Feb-22-07 05:53 PM   #56 
  - Sounds like your friend and some of these other women you've known  raccoon   Feb-23-07 08:56 AM   #99 
  - If the roles were reversed would you be able to tell her the specifics?  TlalocW   Feb-22-07 10:23 AM   #14 
  - It sounds like she should have said, "You need therapy."  IanDB1   Feb-22-07 10:28 AM   #16 
  - I think maybe you're being too harsh on yourself.  Zenlitened   Feb-22-07 10:35 AM   #17 
  - Thanks for the input ladies.  SIMPLYB1980   Feb-22-07 11:44 AM   #24 
  - your expectations exceeded the situation you were in  SemperEadem   Feb-22-07 03:26 PM   #33 
  - you put your heart on the line with a first date??  wildhorses   Feb-22-07 03:31 PM   #34 
  - someone can't be ugly and nice?  liontamer   Feb-22-07 03:40 PM   #35 
  - let me reframe it for you  idgiehkt   Feb-22-07 03:40 PM   #36 
  - That's a great post.  Radical Activist   Feb-22-07 06:31 PM   #64 
  - Sometimes it is just as simple as "chemistry"  Zookeeper   Feb-22-07 03:41 PM   #37 
  - Nice: from old middle english meaning "foolish, stupid, ignorant". Throw this word out.  Rabrrrrrr   Feb-22-07 03:42 PM   #38 
  - Geezaloo...  redqueen   Feb-22-07 03:53 PM   #43 
  - Oh, I realize people aren't thinking of it in terms of the old meaning.  Rabrrrrrr   Feb-22-07 03:59 PM   #46 
     - I like it cause it covers a lot of ground quckly.  redqueen   Feb-22-07 05:13 PM   #51 
     - I would say it's used primarily  SemperEadem   Feb-22-07 06:21 PM   #60 
        - No, it's used primarily by lazy, imprecise people who don't want to be bothered.  Rabrrrrrr   Feb-22-07 09:44 PM   #76 
           - I find it stunning...  VelmaD   Feb-23-07 09:34 AM   #104 
           - Rabrrrrrr, you are so nice. I just LURVE you.  Midlodemocrat   Feb-23-07 10:42 AM   #113 
              - I wuv you, too wuvvy scwumpy buttons!  Rabrrrrrr   Feb-23-07 10:48 AM   #114 
                 - Schmoopie.  Midlodemocrat   Feb-23-07 10:53 AM   #116 
  - I agree with Rabrrrrrr 100%, totally and completely on this. I never thought this day would come!  mainegreen   Feb-22-07 04:04 PM   #49 
  - I'm with Rabrrrrrr on this one.  Chan790   Feb-22-07 08:01 PM   #68 
  - When did you suddenly sprout that attitude?  lwfern   Feb-23-07 02:44 PM   #155 
  - OMG! You caught me being inconsistent and imperfect.  Rabrrrrrr   Feb-23-07 11:37 PM   #172 
     - Took most of a day - didn't even have time to pee.  lwfern   Feb-23-07 11:55 PM   #174 
  - That's nice  IAmJacksSmirkingRevenge   Feb-23-07 04:38 PM   #161 
  - Your feelings...  Madspirit   Feb-22-07 03:44 PM   #39 
  - The wisest words yet, I suspect. A lot of things sensitive young people  KCabotDullesMarxIII   Feb-23-07 06:18 PM   #166 
  - There are too many blank spaces in this story  Ptah   Feb-22-07 03:45 PM   #40 
  - You missed an apostrophe  ForrestGump   Feb-22-07 03:52 PM   #42 
  - wow... what an interesting use of time.  SemperEadem   Feb-22-07 06:22 PM   #61 
  - To each our own.  Ptah   Feb-22-07 06:30 PM   #63 
  - Avoiding controversial topics  Patiod   Feb-23-07 08:37 AM   #94 
     - As St Augustine of Hippo put it, "Love God and do what you like"!  KCabotDullesMarxIII   Feb-23-07 06:21 PM   #167 
  - What if "nice" is the truth?  redqueen   Feb-22-07 03:56 PM   #44 
  - Have told the truth  Whoa_Nelly   Feb-22-07 03:56 PM   #45 
  - I had a similar experience. Dated a guy and told him,  raccoon   Feb-23-07 09:07 AM   #100 
  - What's wrong with being called nice?  Nicole   Feb-22-07 04:11 PM   #50 
  - Several girlfriends were talking and someon said something like: 'I bet none  Maraya1969   Feb-22-07 05:24 PM   #52 
  - But all women aren't alike  treestar   Feb-22-07 05:29 PM   #53 
  - the old "you're a nice guy...but..." I sympathize.  WI_DEM   Feb-22-07 05:31 PM   #54 
  - There are some lines  Radical Activist   Feb-22-07 05:57 PM   #57 
  - If a woman told a guy he was ugly, boring, offensive, etc., a lot  raccoon   Feb-23-07 09:12 AM   #101 
     - Yep. She'd be called a bitch, a c - - t, and any other name  Bunny   Feb-23-07 10:01 AM   #109 
     - Yeah,  Radical Activist   Feb-23-07 10:03 AM   #110 
  - Maybe she thought you were nice.  Katherine Brengle   Feb-22-07 06:07 PM   #58 
  - Are You A Nice Guy?  Southpawkicker   Feb-22-07 06:07 PM   #59 
  - i'm not sure i really wanna know what's wrong with me.  KG   Feb-22-07 07:01 PM   #65 
  - You're putting your heart on the line on the first date?  MrSlayer   Feb-22-07 07:04 PM   #66 
  - ...  Starbucks Anarchist   Feb-22-07 08:24 PM   #71 
  - You would really prefer a woman to tell you that you were ugly?  sjbech   Feb-22-07 08:29 PM   #72 
  - It's a fact  XemaSab   Feb-24-07 12:45 AM   #176 
  - Hey, you know what?  Dangerously Amused   Feb-22-07 08:32 PM   #73 
  - There've been some very interesting insights thrown about in this thread,  ForrestGump   Feb-22-07 08:52 PM   #74 
  - I both hate it, and like it when  jasonc   Feb-23-07 11:35 AM   #127 
  - Nice.  smirkymonkey   Feb-25-07 08:07 PM   #189 
  - Trust me, man, sometimes a euphamism/half-truth is best.  BlueIris   Feb-22-07 08:53 PM   #75 
  - She might not even know herself  XemaSab   Feb-24-07 12:47 AM   #177 
  - ewwwww. eww eww eww. The deconstruction.  lwfern   Feb-23-07 12:47 AM   #77 
  - BRAVA! *thunderous applause*  UncleSepp   Feb-23-07 04:45 AM   #82 
  - "Tell me what I need to do to get laid"  lwfern   Feb-23-07 09:46 AM   #107 
  - I used to think men had it hard  pokerfan   Feb-23-07 05:57 AM   #83 
  - that's 'je ne sais quoi"  SemperEadem   Feb-23-07 03:15 PM   #156 
  - endless apologies!  pokerfan   Feb-23-07 04:32 PM   #160 
  - Oh, no. If other things are right, being pursued is brilliant, as far as  KCabotDullesMarxIII   Feb-23-07 06:33 PM   #168 
  - You are absolutely correct on every point!  PelosiFan   Feb-23-07 08:35 AM   #93 
  - Bravo. Well said.  smirkymonkey   Feb-25-07 08:04 PM   #188 
  - You would rather she called you  u4ic   Feb-23-07 12:59 AM   #78 
  - It sounds like you two just weren't compatible  Pushed To The Left   Feb-23-07 01:15 AM   #79 
  - Hey there!  XemaSab   Feb-24-07 12:55 AM   #178 
     - Hi Xemasab!  Pushed To The Left   Feb-24-07 04:35 PM   #180 
        - Well yeah  XemaSab   Feb-25-07 01:52 AM   #183 
  - Sometimes the most attractive thing about a man  hickman   Feb-23-07 01:44 AM   #80 
  - It takes two, dude  pokerfan   Feb-23-07 02:50 AM   #81 
  - Very funny post. And to the point.  KCabotDullesMarxIII   Feb-23-07 06:38 PM   #169 
  - Boy do I know where you're coming from.  Bassic   Feb-23-07 07:02 AM   #84 
  - why are you encouraging women to be rude and obnoxious?  lionesspriyanka   Feb-23-07 07:23 AM   #87 
  - well according to post #76...  VelmaD   Feb-23-07 09:39 AM   #106 
     - No. Read #76 more carefully.  Rabrrrrrr   Feb-23-07 11:04 AM   #119 
     - I think you're missing my point  VelmaD   Feb-23-07 11:09 AM   #121 
     - Interesting that "nice" is forbidden, yet "bitch" is A-ok.  smirkymonkey   Feb-25-07 08:13 PM   #190 
     - "Men tend to rally around and support one another that way in times of need."  lukasahero   Feb-23-07 11:09 AM   #122 
     - i remember a thread i created here that got a huge uproar  lionesspriyanka   Feb-23-07 11:46 AM   #129 
     - Modesty is not something you suffer from, is it?  Bunny   Feb-23-07 11:53 AM   #131 
     - proving my point that no matter what you say someone will call you a bitch  lionesspriyanka   Feb-23-07 11:58 AM   #133 
        - Pardon me dear but I did NOT call you a bitch - I do not do that. Ever.  Bunny   Feb-23-07 12:05 PM   #135 
           - actually this is what i said  lionesspriyanka   Feb-23-07 12:08 PM   #138 
              - That may have been what you said in that other thread, I did not read that one.  Bunny   Feb-23-07 12:15 PM   #140 
                 - i was replying to velma saying that an uproar can be caused if you are honest  lionesspriyanka   Feb-23-07 12:16 PM   #141 
                    - Oh I think you do care, or you wouldn't be responding.  Bunny   Feb-23-07 12:35 PM   #146 
                       - yup i am conceited and lacking in modesty.  lionesspriyanka   Feb-23-07 12:39 PM   #148 
                          - My happiness, or lack thereof, is of no consequence to this discussion.  Bunny   Feb-23-07 12:41 PM   #149 
     - That's some statement.  Karenca   Feb-23-07 12:22 PM   #142 
        - thats not exactly what i said.  lionesspriyanka   Feb-23-07 12:25 PM   #144 
           - Did you read "Self-Made Man'?  Karenca   Feb-23-07 12:33 PM   #145 
              - i was a both a psychology and a sociology major so i am aware of the reasons why  lionesspriyanka   Feb-23-07 12:38 PM   #147 
     - .. or a lesbian.  KCabotDullesMarxIII   Feb-23-07 06:38 PM   #170 
  - Patience, grasshopper  NewJeffCT   Feb-23-07 08:13 AM   #88 
  - "I love the ladies" !!  PelosiFan   Feb-23-07 08:30 AM   #92 
  - Ooooo! A lady!  Blue-Jay   Feb-23-07 08:43 AM   #95 
     - ...  PelosiFan   Feb-23-07 08:54 AM   #98 
  - It's not all about you.  Gormy Cuss   Feb-23-07 09:34 AM   #103 
  - My 2 cents  Connonym   Feb-23-07 09:38 AM   #105 
  - I always got "you're a nice guy, but..." for the same reason...  Zavulon   Feb-23-07 09:51 AM   #108 
  - You Know, That's a Great Point  Crisco   Feb-23-07 10:59 AM   #118 
  - My father always said  Zavulon   Feb-23-07 12:08 PM   #137 
     - well this falls into the pattern of old stereotypes .....  kwassa   Feb-23-07 01:05 PM   #151 
        - No doubt.  Zavulon   Feb-23-07 02:00 PM   #153 
           - "Stereotypes are never 100% accurate"?  lukasahero   Feb-23-07 02:10 PM   #154 
              - We're all the products of our experiences, and  Zavulon   Feb-23-07 03:44 PM   #158 
              - We Are in the Age of Niche Marketing  Crisco   Feb-23-07 04:11 PM   #159 
  - You've hit upon the patronizing aspect of "nice" - thanks!  Rabrrrrrr   Feb-23-07 11:07 AM   #120 
     -  lukasahero   Feb-23-07 11:16 AM   #123 
     - I wish I could recommend just this post  VelmaD   Feb-23-07 11:18 AM   #124 
     - And yet  Radical Activist   Feb-23-07 11:23 AM   #125 
     - Or perhaps you are only perceiving it to mean that  lukasahero   Feb-23-07 11:42 AM   #128 
        - As it is with all words  Radical Activist   Feb-23-07 12:08 PM   #136 
     - I'd recommend it as well.  lwfern   Feb-23-07 11:29 AM   #126 
     - It's still a lazy, empty word. Just as lazy as using "bitch" is.  Rabrrrrrr   Feb-23-07 12:24 PM   #143 
     - Well, perhaps not children.  Zavulon   Feb-23-07 12:09 PM   #139 
     - What word(s) would you suggest? Never mind, you answered below. nt  raccoon   Feb-24-07 11:18 AM   #179 
  - You Are Waaaayyyy Over-Analyzing Things  Yavin4   Feb-23-07 10:18 AM   #111 
  - That's what I was thinking, and this is a quite an involved discussion.  marzipanni   Feb-25-07 03:33 AM   #184 
  - "I do expect honesty after I put my heart on the line" - On Your First Date?  Crisco   Feb-23-07 10:32 AM   #112 
  - You went on one date  skygazer   Feb-23-07 10:56 AM   #117 
  - agreed.  lionesspriyanka   Feb-23-07 11:49 AM   #130 
  - I have to reply to this  jasonc   Feb-23-07 11:56 AM   #132 
  - Work on the expunging the idea from your head that you have work to do  Strawman   Feb-23-07 01:03 PM   #150 
  - Just sounds like you did not click.  Fran Kubelik   Feb-23-07 03:20 PM   #157 
  - Conversations. :)  lwfern   Feb-23-07 04:59 PM   #162 
  - Nice says it all  gravity   Feb-23-07 05:20 PM   #163 
  - need to check out "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - I don't think  bullwinkle428   Feb-23-07 11:27 PM   #171 
  - Interesting  XemaSab   Feb-23-07 11:42 PM   #173 
  - On further reflection, I think the blandishments I and others expressed  KCabotDullesMarxIII   Feb-24-07 04:54 PM   #181 
  - Simplyb1980, a few words.  outofbounds   Feb-25-07 08:14 AM   #185 
  - Stop caring so much about being polite/nice/whatever  newsdude   Feb-25-07 09:43 PM   #191 
  - This thread is still going?  GirlinContempt   Feb-25-07 09:44 PM   #192 

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