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Reply #11: SO should not tell anyone what to do. [View All]

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philosophie_en_rose Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 08:35 AM
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11. SO should not tell anyone what to do.
I think it's important for partners to express their feelings. It's okay for someone not to like one of their partner's friends or activities. You don't have to do everything together. And, if something is that intrusive, it's okay to break it off because you're not compatible.

But it is not okay for SOs to tell each other what to do, as if the other partner is a child. A partner can say that she doesn't like a friend, but I think it's completely unreasonable for he or she to "tell" the other what to do.

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  -How much does your SO restrict you? and how much are you ok with? lionesspriyanka  Jan-31-07 07:30 AM   #0 
  - She doesn't.  izzybeans   Jan-31-07 07:50 AM   #1 
  - my so knows that some of my friends have been lovers in the past  lionesspriyanka   Jan-31-07 07:56 AM   #3 
     - I think that is a great position to be in concerning friends and SO's.  izzybeans   Jan-31-07 08:51 AM   #13 
  - to reply to my own thread  lionesspriyanka   Jan-31-07 07:55 AM   #2 
  - The STBE restricted everything from how long I was at the  crim son   Jan-31-07 08:22 AM   #4 
  - sorry. sounds terrible.  lionesspriyanka   Jan-31-07 08:24 AM   #5 
  - One gets used to it, that's the alarming thing.  crim son   Jan-31-07 08:26 AM   #7 
  - Sounds a lot like my first marriage  av8rdave   Jan-31-07 08:26 AM   #8 
     - I'm glad it worked for you.  crim son   Jan-31-07 08:27 AM   #9 
        - I'm so sorry to hear that, and hope it gets resolved for you!  av8rdave   Jan-31-07 09:07 AM   #14 
  - Mine doesn't restrict me at all  av8rdave   Jan-31-07 08:25 AM   #6 
  - My partner (of 17 years) and I generally are on the same page so there's not  mondo joe   Jan-31-07 08:32 AM   #10 
  - SO should not tell anyone what to do.  philosophie_en_rose   Jan-31-07 08:35 AM   #11 
  - ...  lionesspriyanka   Jan-31-07 08:37 AM   #12 
  - I agree...  LynzM   Jan-31-07 12:00 PM   #33 
  - Not at ALL.  Madrone   Jan-31-07 09:19 AM   #15 
  - Generally speaking, neither of us do. There are some issues on occasion --  IdaBriggs   Jan-31-07 09:43 AM   #16 
  - i think the stripper restriction and "you cant be gone 3 weekends in a month"  lionesspriyanka   Jan-31-07 09:48 AM   #17 
     - I agree! Of course, it pushed some of his "control" buttons, too,  IdaBriggs   Jan-31-07 11:35 AM   #22 
  - My SO doesn't restrict me at all  ThomCat   Jan-31-07 09:50 AM   #18 
  - how are things going with your SO?  lionesspriyanka   Jan-31-07 09:52 AM   #19 
     - Pretty well.  ThomCat   Jan-31-07 09:59 AM   #21 
  - We have a duocracy. We do what we want.  Deep13   Jan-31-07 09:57 AM   #20 
  - We don't restrict each other.  haruka3_2000   Jan-31-07 11:37 AM   #23 
  - Exactly -- self respect and respect for the person you love isn't a restriction  LostinVA   Jan-31-07 12:05 PM   #35 
  - My experience in counseling couples tells me  mycritters2   Jan-31-07 11:37 AM   #24 
  - Great advice. There can be no such restrictions.  kwassa   Jan-31-07 11:44 AM   #25 
     - They certainly should be a red flag  mycritters2   Jan-31-07 12:53 PM   #37 
  - I have never restricted anyone I've dated or been in a relationship with.  NewWaveChick1981   Jan-31-07 11:47 AM   #26 
  - Not at all...  lelapin   Jan-31-07 11:48 AM   #27 
  - ...  ZombieNixon   Jan-31-07 11:50 AM   #29 
     - Good morning, baby...  lelapin   Jan-31-07 11:52 AM   #30 
        - Oops, cache autofill bit me in the ass.  ZombieNixon   Jan-31-07 11:55 AM   #31 
           - *snorts*  lelapin   Jan-31-07 11:56 AM   #32 
  - Not at all.  BarenakedLady   Jan-31-07 11:49 AM   #28 
  - I think a better word to use would be "controls," not "restrictions"  LostinVA   Jan-31-07 12:04 PM   #34 
  - i wanted to hear about both healthy and unhealthy restrictions.  lionesspriyanka   Jan-31-07 12:29 PM   #36 
     - Sorry for the confusion -- the OP didn't read like that to me  LostinVA   Jan-31-07 12:54 PM   #38 
  - Only Monogamy  Madspirit   Jan-31-07 01:00 PM   #39 
  - both sound like healthy restrictions.  lionesspriyanka   Jan-31-07 01:01 PM   #40 
  - PS  Madspirit   Jan-31-07 01:01 PM   #41 
     - i dont think Rockit is friends with her ex's  lionesspriyanka   Jan-31-07 01:09 PM   #42 
  - one restriction by me to someone my husband used to work with-  chimpsrsmarter   Jan-31-07 01:33 PM   #43 
  - kick some ass girlfriend  idgiehkt   Jan-31-07 03:43 PM   #54 
  - You told her good.  CarolinaPeridot   Jan-31-07 08:14 PM   #70 
  - I haven't read any responses  NJCher   Jan-31-07 01:40 PM   #44 
  - cya.  lionesspriyanka   Jan-31-07 01:41 PM   #46 
  - Huh?  Madspirit   Jan-31-07 01:46 PM   #47 
     - why thank you madspirit.  lionesspriyanka   Jan-31-07 01:50 PM   #49 
     - Some People  Madspirit   Jan-31-07 01:52 PM   #50 
     - seconded.  idgiehkt   Jan-31-07 03:56 PM   #56 
  - We haven't done that to each other, with one exception.  SeattleGirl   Jan-31-07 01:41 PM   #45 
  - Mine doesn't restrict me at all...  pdx_prog   Jan-31-07 01:46 PM   #48 
  - 1. Not at all and 2.Not at all.  youthere   Jan-31-07 02:19 PM   #51 
  - No restrictions at all  Jimbo S   Jan-31-07 03:40 PM   #52 
  - She only restricts me when the chain starts choking me.  RedStateShame   Jan-31-07 03:41 PM   #53 
  - I've never been successful with this  idgiehkt   Jan-31-07 03:55 PM   #55 
  - my soon to be ex SO restricts me to an unreasonable degree  redqueen   Jan-31-07 05:27 PM   #57 
  - He doesn't restrict me, nor I him. We don't have any need to.  Left Is Write   Jan-31-07 05:30 PM   #58 
  - Mine generally prefers that I don't sleep with other people  jgraz   Jan-31-07 05:33 PM   #59 
  - You have GOT to be kidding.  trof   Jan-31-07 05:33 PM   #60 
  - Not at all. Neither do I attempt to restrict her.  NNadir   Jan-31-07 05:34 PM   #61 
  - There are no restrictions.  Shell Beau   Jan-31-07 05:49 PM   #62 
  - No restrictions, but...  sjbech   Jan-31-07 05:59 PM   #63 
  - I'd yell at you too.  flvegan   Jan-31-07 06:41 PM   #67 
     - lol...  sjbech   Jan-31-07 08:09 PM   #68 
  - ????????????  Dean Martin   Jan-31-07 06:13 PM   #64 
  - no restrictions  WindRavenX   Jan-31-07 06:14 PM   #65 
  - We don't....and neither of us is overly jealous. The only restriction we have is: don't fuck other  Evoman   Jan-31-07 06:40 PM   #66 
  - I don't have any restrictions for her, and hers for me fall in with how I behave anyway  jpgray   Jan-31-07 08:11 PM   #69 

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