Have you ever been stuck on someone and could'nt let go ?

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

The one person who I truly care for is with his family in Mexico (I am about to pour my heart out here because I need to release) - its my ex-boyfriend. Since we broke up we have gotten closer and it hurts me because I am confused about him - he does things for me/to me out of spontaniety and no matter how much I used to try to be mad at him and no matter how much I wanted to ignore him ,I look forward to seeing him everyday. I should'nt be talking about an ex-boyfriend like this because after all he did break my heart and that's why I am confused. I hold back so much because I don't want him to hurt me or use me again but I always ask myself "why does he always reach out to hug me and hold me in that gf/bf way - and why does everytime we hang out when we get alone, he reaches out to hold my hand" and just "WHY" - I can't have feelings for him forever - I am afraid to get hurt so I am going to just leave it alone. He always brings up the fact that everytime him and I get alone, we always end up holding each other - we are not friends with benefits, I am not that kind of girl. I just don't understand why if he knows he has feelings for me why is he holding back. His friend jokes with him at how everytime I come around he makes his way towards me and never leaves my side - and the same friend told me that he notices how I always smile when said ex comes around. This is so kiddy but when you care about someone , you just care about someone - and I really care about this person. I am just afraid that he might not feel the same but his actions speak so loud. I really miss him so much right now - I feel so alone - I feel alone in this house. With what I have been through mentally recently I really need his shoulder and it sucks that he is South of the border. I can't wait until he comes back home next week. I am 26 and I sound about 12 writing this. Cupid is really stupid sometimes.