Reply #27: I'm in a happy marriage - here's my list

[distantearlywarning]

1) Marry the right person. Someone you share interests with, who you share a world view with, someone who "gets" you, and who you can trust mentally, physically, financially, etc. All the other things won't help if you just aren't compatible with one another, or if one of you is an evil person.

2) Never fight dirty. Don't call names, don't be contemptuous, don't be mean. Always treat the other person with respect, no matter how mad you are at them right then. Live by the golden rule when you fight - if you would be hurt if your partner called you the name you want to call them, then keep your mouth shut.

3) Don't misattribute your partner's motives when they do something you don't like - don't automaticallly assume they did it deliberately to hurt you, and don't automatically assume their actions are representative of a major character flaw.

4) Verbally acknowledge your appreciation of the other person's contributions to the household and the marriage, even if it's just everyday chores. And tell them you love them every day, so they don't forget. Tell them you find them attractive, even if they've gained a few pounds or are losing their hair.

5) Don't ever demean them in public. Always get their back when other people are around. Don't talk shit about your spouse to your friends or strangers on the internet. If you need to fix something, do them the courtesy of trying to work it out with them first instead of your girlfriends or your poker buddies. Just communicating in general is good - honesty and willingness to work through stuff instead of covering it up or complaining to other people.