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RubyDuby in GA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-17-06 11:37 AM
Response to Original message
103. Asswipe Johnson
Edited on Fri Nov-17-06 11:38 AM by RubyDuby in GA
Does anyone remember the SNL skit with Nicholas Cage?

He and his pregnant wife are trying to pick baby names. Every name she comes up with he has a problem with saying the kid will get beat up on the playground or something for really normal sounding names. Then there's a knock at the door and you hear a voice saying "I have a package for a Mr. Johnson. A Mr. Asswipe Johnson.

And Nicholas Cage's character screams out "That's Az-we-pay (pronounication for Asswipe)".
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  -My pet peeve: Uniquely spelled first names. LostInAnomie  Nov-16-06 09:16 PM   #0 
  - The best website for this topic:  deadparrot   Nov-16-06 09:23 PM   #1 
  - Holy SHIT, that's funny!  Oeditpus Rex   Nov-16-06 09:38 PM   #15 
  - Yes, Dweezil does have the ring of normalcy now, doesn't it?  Left Is Write   Nov-16-06 10:31 PM   #44 
     - But at least you say "Dweezil" the way it's spelled  LostinVA   Nov-17-06 08:24 AM   #82 
  - I use to post there.  Kerrytravelers   Nov-16-06 10:09 PM   #27 
     - Who is Clarity and why would anyone name their kid that?  Left Is Write   Nov-16-06 10:32 PM   #46 
        - Clarity is the sister of Lucidity, named in honor of Lucretia Borga Biografie...  Kerrytravelers   Nov-16-06 10:43 PM   #49 
           - Is Lucidity silent?  Left Is Write   Nov-16-06 10:46 PM   #51 
              - She's as silent as Clarity is straightforward.  Kerrytravelers   Nov-16-06 10:51 PM   #53 
  - Hey, my name is Phranque, and I'm offended by this post!  Fuzz   Nov-16-06 09:25 PM   #2 
  - OMG.... as a teacher, this makes me crazy!  femmocrat   Nov-16-06 09:26 PM   #3 
  - Hey! Don't we strive to provide our children with their own identity!  madinmaryland   Nov-16-06 09:30 PM   #7 
  - And how about all the "mikaylas" or however the hell they spell that?  Redstone   Nov-16-06 09:30 PM   #8 
     - OH yes....  femmocrat   Nov-16-06 09:36 PM   #12 
     - It's another explosion of the pseudo-Celtic! Or possibly the illiterate: I mean,  Redstone   Nov-16-06 09:46 PM   #16 
     - Oops, sorry! You beat me to Michaela. I should have read first.  Left Is Write   Nov-16-06 10:28 PM   #38 
     - My 5th grade teacher  LibertyLover   Nov-17-06 03:03 PM   #114 
     - One of my cousins named his daughter Mackenzie  nickinSTL   Nov-17-06 06:35 AM   #77 
     - I wonder if the people who use that name...  Left Is Write   Nov-16-06 10:27 PM   #37 
  - It's up to the parent. I say, they're gonna care for the kid, let 'em spell  bertha katzenengel   Nov-16-06 09:26 PM   #4 
  - I agree!! We gave our daughter a name that is a great scrabble score!  madinmaryland   Nov-16-06 09:32 PM   #10 
  - Here's one of my old newspaper essays on the subject (minus formatting):  Redstone   Nov-16-06 09:29 PM   #5 
  - LATRINA?!  CBHagman   Nov-16-06 09:37 PM   #13 
  - Stone truth.  Redstone   Nov-16-06 09:47 PM   #17 
  - I once worked with a very nice young woman named Latrina.  Lady Effingbroke   Nov-16-06 10:43 PM   #48 
  - My fiancee knew of a pair of twins in her hometown  nickinSTL   Nov-17-06 06:39 AM   #78 
  - That's an urban legend, I've heard it dozens of times  nonconformist   Nov-17-06 11:50 AM   #106 
     - huh. I hadn't heard that anywhere else  nickinSTL   Nov-17-06 03:39 PM   #119 
  - LOL!  Prag   Nov-17-06 09:08 AM   #89 
  - Good piece, Redstone!  SeattleGirl   Nov-16-06 10:06 PM   #23 
     - Thanks, Ceahtle'Gyrl. Or should that be "LaQuaCeahtle'GyrlQuishon?"  Redstone   Nov-16-06 10:25 PM   #34 
        - Bwahahaha! I just laughed so hard, it brought tears to my eyes!  SeattleGirl   Nov-16-06 10:32 PM   #45 
           - Glad to make you laugh. I count it as a good day when I've done that. But I don't get  Redstone   Nov-16-06 10:44 PM   #50 
              - I knew a Titanica..honest to god. It was pronounced Tee-sha-nee-ka.  Beausoir   Nov-17-06 10:04 AM   #97 
  - I couldn't agree with you more!  CBHagman   Nov-16-06 09:30 PM   #6 
  - notwithoutmyhandbag.com. Go there. You'll laugh until you cry.  Redstone   Nov-16-06 09:31 PM   #9 
  - i hate that too...  tinfoil tiaras   Nov-16-06 09:35 PM   #11 
  - Local newsreader: Jennifr  Patiod   Nov-17-06 08:58 AM   #86 
  - How judgemental of you.  CanuckAmok   Nov-16-06 09:37 PM   #14 
  - You forgot DaShykwon.  Redstone   Nov-16-06 09:48 PM   #18 
  - The funniest one I've ever seen was that basketball player, "Anferny." I can just  Redstone   Nov-16-06 09:50 PM   #19 
  - The Atlanta Falcons have a player named Alge Crumpler  RubyDuby in GA   Nov-17-06 11:40 AM   #104 
  - It's "Anfernee" Hardaway  KamaAina   Nov-17-06 01:01 PM   #109 
  - Thanks for bringing this incredibly fascinating important issue to the forefront.  Floogeldy   Nov-16-06 09:53 PM   #20 
  - Dude. It's the Lounge. Remember?  Redstone   Nov-16-06 09:57 PM   #21 
  - Is that a problem, Phluewghelldheie?  Left Is Write   Nov-16-06 10:09 PM   #26 
     - Now, THAT'S funny. Thank you for the chuckle.  Redstone   Nov-16-06 10:21 PM   #31 
  - The way I intend to name my first child,  suzbaby   Nov-16-06 09:57 PM   #22 
  - You forgot the nuances. try this:  Redstone   Nov-16-06 10:27 PM   #36 
  - And with that, it occurs to me that someday, someone will name their child  Left Is Write   Nov-16-06 10:31 PM   #42 
     - Hey, "Lexus" has already happened, and more than once. We're DOOMED.  Redstone   Nov-16-06 10:32 PM   #47 
  - Isn't that pronounced Shirley?  Left Is Write   Nov-16-06 10:30 PM   #41 
  - But....  Left Is Write   Nov-16-06 10:07 PM   #24 
  - Personally, I prefer...  LostInAnomie   Nov-16-06 10:08 PM   #25 
     - Well, at least you put the C first!  Left Is Write   Nov-16-06 10:12 PM   #28 
     - My girlfriend's name is Michele...  LostInAnomie   Nov-16-06 10:19 PM   #30 
     - I just tried to pronouce that and I think I tied my tongue in a knot!  SeattleGirl   Nov-16-06 10:12 PM   #29 
  - Not to mention pet names -- like Phydeaux and Phlough. nt  eppur_se_muova   Nov-16-06 10:22 PM   #32 
  - And phyllo?  Left Is Write   Nov-16-06 10:29 PM   #40 
  - That's it, I am changing my name to KchychinWhytch  KitchenWitch   Nov-16-06 10:22 PM   #33 
  - When I used to type the names of 'new arrivals'  Oeditpus Rex   Nov-16-06 10:25 PM   #35 
  - eeewwwwwwww  kagehime   Nov-16-06 10:29 PM   #39 
  - I know you're not making that up. Sad that it's true, isn't it? I'd WISH that it were  Redstone   Nov-16-06 10:31 PM   #43 
  - Lewis Black jokes about it in his show at Carnegie Hall. I've seen it on birth announcements.  Kerrytravelers   Nov-16-06 10:47 PM   #52 
  - My name is spelled "Raymond Luxury-Yacht"  baldguy   Nov-16-06 10:52 PM   #54 
  - My middle name is Mikael. Is that offensive enough?  primate1   Nov-16-06 11:03 PM   #55 
  - But that's not a made-up spelling.  Left Is Write   Nov-16-06 11:05 PM   #56 
  - Damn, I was hoping to offend someone for a completely ridiculous reason.  primate1   Nov-16-06 11:06 PM   #57 
     - I can think of a million ways to offend people here for ridiculous reasons.  Left Is Write   Nov-16-06 11:13 PM   #59 
        - Hahaha, this is true.  primate1   Nov-16-06 11:19 PM   #61 
  - That's a standard name, not "unique" spelling  LostinVA   Nov-17-06 08:25 AM   #83 
     - I've yet to meet anyone else who spells it that way, so I figured I'd throw it out there.  primate1   Nov-17-06 11:20 AM   #102 
  - Great.  swag   Nov-16-06 11:07 PM   #58 
  - In defense of weird names....  GloriaSmith   Nov-16-06 11:14 PM   #60 
  - Wrong! I'm adopted, and my parents STILL misspelled my name  Patiod   Nov-17-06 09:01 AM   #87 
     - I know a Pattie too.  Lautremont   Nov-17-06 10:34 PM   #131 
  - I had a friend in high school named Kymberleigh  MsKandice01   Nov-16-06 11:27 PM   #62 
  - Nothing wrong with either Agnes or Alma...  Spider Jerusalem   Nov-16-06 11:49 PM   #65 
  - Womens names come in and out - Emma used to be old-timey  Patiod   Nov-17-06 09:03 AM   #88 
  - My grandmother's name was Enid.  cwydro   Nov-17-06 02:20 PM   #111 
  - At least it wasn't "Aegnis"  DinoBoy   Nov-17-06 10:04 PM   #128 
  - Agreed.  Oregonian   Nov-16-06 11:30 PM   #63 
  - I know a Beccie.  electron_blue   Nov-17-06 09:28 AM   #92 
  - I agree  Skittles   Nov-16-06 11:38 PM   #64 
  - I know a guy in at least his 40's named Phred.  Kali   Nov-16-06 11:55 PM   #66 
  - I've NEVER met anybody with the same name as me...and I'm 42.  Shine   Nov-16-06 11:59 PM   #67 
  - I have what is now a perfectly normal first name: Brooke  XemaSab   Nov-17-06 08:51 AM   #85 
     - Well, if it's any consolation...  Shine   Nov-17-06 03:04 PM   #115 
        - And you're the only  XemaSab   Nov-17-06 07:33 PM   #122 
  - Reminds me of an old Misanthropic Bitch article on names  electricmonk   Nov-17-06 01:00 AM   #68 
  - Did you realize that in Gaelic, the name Angus is spelled....  Robeson   Nov-17-06 01:44 AM   #69 
  - I named my son with the most normal, basic name  dotcosm   Nov-17-06 02:20 AM   #70 
  - He was inspired by George Constanza! Call him Seven! Or 7!  Kerrytravelers   Nov-17-06 02:52 AM   #71 
     - His too -- 5 letters with a double consonant  dotcosm   Nov-17-06 03:01 AM   #72 
  - Maybe that would be fair if the parents are literate,  TheBaldyMan   Nov-17-06 03:32 AM   #73 
  - What if the jackass who filled out the birth certificate spelled  Jamastiene   Nov-17-06 03:58 AM   #74 
  - My DH and I tried, we really, really did. But, people are stupid.  QMPMom   Nov-17-06 05:34 AM   #75 
  - good point - people screw up 'normal' names all the time. I have a very normal  electron_blue   Nov-17-06 09:29 AM   #93 
  - I have a similar situation with my own name  DinoBoy   Nov-17-06 10:12 PM   #130 
  - Thanks for the piss-myself laughter, everybody  amybhole   Nov-17-06 06:21 AM   #76 
  - Wellllllllllllllllll. . . . . . . .  QMPMom   Nov-17-06 10:28 AM   #99 
     - That kid must keep you in stitches!  amybhole   Nov-17-06 11:02 AM   #101 
  - hysterical.  xchrom   Nov-17-06 07:00 AM   #79 
  - You'll hate mine then..........  Darth_Kitten   Nov-17-06 07:12 AM   #80 
  - I share your pain  LostinVA   Nov-17-06 08:23 AM   #81 
  - Over the course of my career, I have seen all kinds of names spelled all  NewWaveChick1981   Nov-17-06 08:36 AM   #84 
  - Jackie Booviea Kennedy .  myrna minx   Nov-17-06 10:08 AM   #98 
  - LOL!  NewWaveChick1981   Nov-17-06 12:48 PM   #108 
  - "LeTokyo." That wins the prize.  Redstone   Nov-17-06 06:08 PM   #120 
  - My S.O.'s great-nephew is called Rion  Patiod   Nov-17-06 09:11 AM   #90 
  - I knew 3 girls that all had daughters named  Divameow77   Nov-17-06 09:18 AM   #91 
  - I worked with a woman named Chetia -- pronounced "Keisha"  kdsusa   Nov-17-06 09:30 AM   #94 
  - Has txt-spk started to appear in children's names yet?  electron_blue   Nov-17-06 09:40 AM   #95 
  - I know that adults appreciate originality when it comes to their names  MissMillie   Nov-17-06 09:44 AM   #96 
  - Someone should name their kid #6,023,414,094  bob_weaver   Nov-17-06 10:40 AM   #100 
  - If bushCo had their way...  Dont_Bogart_the_Pretzel   Nov-22-06 09:06 PM   #133 
  - Asswipe Johnson  RubyDuby in GA   Nov-17-06 11:37 AM   #103 
  - We use this a lot!  Phentex   Nov-17-06 01:46 PM   #110 
  - well, *I* certainly didn't name myself  leftofthedial   Nov-17-06 11:49 AM   #105 
  - I don't think it's humanly possible for me to agree with you more.  nonconformist   Nov-17-06 11:52 AM   #107 
  - I like my uniquely spelled first name  ZombyWoof   Nov-17-06 02:29 PM   #112 
  - That's right, Zomby is usually spelled with an "ie"!  u4ic   Nov-22-06 11:22 PM   #135 
  - I wanted to change my name to Niqole because it looked cooler...  WannaBeGrumpy   Nov-17-06 02:52 PM   #113 
  - I like them.  Ariana Celeste   Nov-17-06 03:09 PM   #116 
  - Tamale  novalib   Nov-17-06 03:11 PM   #117 
  - I have a reasonably unique name, but I got it the old fashioned way  LibertyLover   Nov-17-06 03:12 PM   #118 
  - Yes, the poor kid is going to have to be teaching people how to  Lydia Leftcoast   Nov-17-06 06:15 PM   #121 
  - My sister and brother named their children  oktoberain   Nov-17-06 07:50 PM   #123 
  - According to the linked story below, the British are now naming their kids...  Kerrytravelers   Nov-17-06 09:41 PM   #124 
  - The boyfriend and I  DinoBoy   Nov-17-06 09:52 PM   #125 
  - But "Iain" is Scots-Irish.  WritingIsMyReligion   Nov-17-06 10:02 PM   #127 
     - I know, I know, I realize it's an accepted alternate spelling  DinoBoy   Nov-17-06 10:06 PM   #129 
  - My great-uncle taught a girl named Shithead.  WritingIsMyReligion   Nov-17-06 09:57 PM   #126 
  - There is one child in this world named...  Kerrytravelers   Nov-17-06 10:46 PM   #132 
  - My (now late) brother and I were given "normal" names  Rob H.   Nov-22-06 11:19 PM   #134 
 

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