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Reply #70: Dude, only you are your wife can sort this out! [View All]

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foreigncorrespondent Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-24-06 01:36 AM
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70. Dude, only you are your wife can sort this out!
There is always ALWAYS a reason someone cheats on their partner/wife/husband/etc. That reason could be something like the lack of intimacy at home, not a very active sex life, not a great sex life, etc, and no one but your wife knows why she felt the need to seek sex elsewhere.

Your best bet would be actually sitting and talking with your wife about all of this, and finding out exactly why she felt the need to do this. Once that reason is out in the open between the two of you, together you both can work on fixing whatever the actual problem is.

The worst thing you can do is tell her it is ok, not hide it, and basically handing her an open ticket to continue without sorting out the reason behind it. Letting that happen is a sure fire way of having this happen again and again.

I wish you luck, and am so sorry you are going through this.
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  -My wife cheated on me Giant Robot  Jul-23-06 12:27 PM   #0 
  - How would she  warrior1   Jul-23-06 12:33 PM   #1 
  - I am compelled to agree.  HypnoToad   Jul-23-06 12:35 PM   #3 
  - I see that point but  Giant Robot   Jul-23-06 12:39 PM   #7 
  - Don't let anyone else tell you what decision to make  jobycom   Jul-23-06 12:56 PM   #16 
  - Best post on the thread  lukasahero   Jul-24-06 08:55 PM   #102 
  - I know how you feel, but not for the same scenario...  HypnoToad   Jul-23-06 03:59 PM   #28 
  - Marraige vows better be bendy or you don't stay married.  Porcupine   Jul-24-06 12:38 AM   #64 
  - I agree.  Bassic   Jul-24-06 06:42 AM   #83 
  - I really don't have any good advice.  Blue-Jay   Jul-23-06 12:33 PM   #2 
  - So sorry you are having to deal with this  LeftCoast   Jul-23-06 12:35 PM   #4 
  - I agree.  ForrestGump   Jul-23-06 12:48 PM   #10 
  - Oh Shit  achtung_circus   Jul-23-06 12:38 PM   #5 
  - Well, you have two choices  LeftyMom   Jul-23-06 12:39 PM   #6 
  - I know but the choice hurts too  Giant Robot   Jul-23-06 12:47 PM   #9 
  - Oh, man, I am so sorry.  ZombieNixon   Jul-23-06 12:39 PM   #8 
  - You are grieving right now. The death of a marriage can  Midlodemocrat   Jul-23-06 12:50 PM   #11 
  - At bare minimum, you both need a marriage counselor.  Finnfan   Jul-23-06 12:50 PM   #12 
  - Awww, man....I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.  grannylib   Jul-23-06 12:52 PM   #13 
  - I think I would rather not know  hfojvt   Jul-23-06 12:53 PM   #14 
  - I think I'd rather not know as well.  rbnyc   Jul-25-06 07:40 AM   #106 
  - You're in for a long, hard time, my friend.  jobycom   Jul-23-06 12:54 PM   #15 
  - I'm so sorry to hear about this, GR.  intheflow   Jul-23-06 12:57 PM   #17 
  - if she really really loved you...  cleofus1   Jul-23-06 01:01 PM   #18 
  - That's not true.  rbnyc   Jul-25-06 07:43 AM   #107 
  - Bullshit.  Vash the Stampede   Jul-26-06 07:49 AM   #128 
  - I've never met a guy who could keep it in his pants...  rbnyc   Jul-26-06 12:05 PM   #132 
     - You need to meet a LOT more guys. (nt)  Vash the Stampede   Jul-26-06 12:33 PM   #133 
        - To be fair...  rbnyc   Jul-26-06 09:43 PM   #135 
  - that's a good point...  cleofus1   Jul-26-06 08:03 AM   #129 
  - yea this is what I would say too. you deserve to have trust.  The Wielding Truth   Jul-25-06 08:04 AM   #111 
  - Get counseling. If not for both of you, for yourself.  graywarrior   Jul-23-06 01:19 PM   #19 
  - This boils down to three things.  tinfoilinfor2005   Jul-23-06 01:39 PM   #20 
  - Well stated....  greatauntoftriplets   Jul-23-06 06:00 PM   #45 
  - I am inclined to agree with the counseling suggestions.  nytemare   Jul-23-06 01:40 PM   #21 
  - Oh man ..I felt pretty much the same as you a while back  GoPsUx   Jul-23-06 01:53 PM   #22 
  - Only you can make that decision.  mutley_r_us   Jul-23-06 01:57 PM   #23 
  - I'm sorry you're going through this...  colinmom71   Jul-23-06 02:04 PM   #24 
  - The only advice I have to add is..  Feron   Jul-23-06 03:13 PM   #25 
  - I'm so sorry, Giant Robot  u4ic   Jul-23-06 03:34 PM   #26 
  - You don't need to make a decision now about what you want to do.  bluethruandthru   Jul-23-06 03:51 PM   #27 
  - Shit...can...her  alcibiades_mystery   Jul-23-06 04:08 PM   #29 
  - I know it will be considered neanderthal to many..  sendero   Jul-23-06 04:21 PM   #31 
  - You can save your marriage. It will take a great deal of effort, but  NNadir   Jul-23-06 04:28 PM   #34 
  - In fairness..  sendero   Jul-23-06 04:33 PM   #35 
     - Yes, it depends on her attitude. But it would be foolish to destroy  NNadir   Jul-23-06 04:40 PM   #37 
        - Well, we're all different...  sendero   Jul-23-06 04:43 PM   #39 
           - If she cheats once, and gets away with it...  maveric   Jul-23-06 05:51 PM   #43 
           - You damn skippy  alcibiades_mystery   Jul-23-06 05:55 PM   #44 
  - you can't trust her anymore  Lilsarah   Jul-24-06 08:19 PM   #95 
  - glad someone had the guts to say it.  cobalt1999   Jul-23-06 04:28 PM   #33 
  - Amen! My sentiments, exactly.  driver8   Jul-24-06 07:35 PM   #91 
  - Hell yes!  liberalitch   Jul-25-06 08:30 AM   #116 
  - How Long Have You Been Married?  arwalden   Jul-23-06 04:15 PM   #30 
  - and are there children?  SoCalDem   Jul-23-06 04:26 PM   #32 
  - Before you make any decision, sit down with a neutral 3rd party  Lydia Leftcoast   Jul-23-06 04:39 PM   #36 
  - "...didn't know how else to tell you..."?  CanuckAmok   Jul-24-06 03:09 AM   #74 
  - I agree with one of the above posts regarding counseling.  Bullwinkle925   Jul-23-06 04:40 PM   #38 
  - Let's talk about trust.  flvegan   Jul-23-06 04:49 PM   #40 
  - I'm with you on that one.  Vash the Stampede   Jul-25-06 08:15 AM   #114 
  - Of course you tell her to not talk to the guy again.  salin   Jul-23-06 05:11 PM   #41 
  - I know it's not the same situation, but my ex-bf did that to me.  NewWaveChick1981   Jul-23-06 05:13 PM   #42 
  - kick her to the curb.  SlavesandBulldozers   Jul-23-06 06:01 PM   #46 
  - Good luck, Giant Robot.  Jazz2006   Jul-23-06 06:16 PM   #47 
  - Hey ME TOO!!  Mr. Cigar   Jul-23-06 06:24 PM   #48 
  - Change the locks on your house. The Death Spiral begins now  Redstone   Jul-23-06 06:36 PM   #49 
  - You need to let her go.  Wcross   Jul-23-06 06:38 PM   #50 
  - Get thee to marriage counseling, stat.  elehhhhna   Jul-23-06 06:46 PM   #51 
  - i'm very sorry you got hurt -- that's too bad.  xchrom   Jul-23-06 06:52 PM   #52 
  - I'm sorry you had to go through that  RagingInMiami   Jul-23-06 07:31 PM   #53 
  - I have some questions...  wildhorses   Jul-23-06 08:17 PM   #54 
  - Why did she tell you?  rug   Jul-23-06 08:56 PM   #55 
  - Good questions.  rbnyc   Jul-25-06 07:45 AM   #108 
  - oh bloody hell that just sucks. What to do?  uppityperson   Jul-23-06 09:07 PM   #56 
  - marriage is about love, not sex  sweetheart   Jul-23-06 09:20 PM   #57 
  - Marriage is about love and sex  riderinthestorm   Jul-23-06 09:45 PM   #60 
  - very physical  sweetheart   Jul-23-06 10:13 PM   #61 
  - If two people agree to have an open marriage, then more power to them  RagingInMiami   Jul-23-06 10:17 PM   #62 
  - I'm confused by your post  riderinthestorm   Jul-23-06 11:02 PM   #63 
  - Nah, marraige is about MONEY!!  Porcupine   Jul-24-06 01:00 AM   #65 
     - DINGDINGDING!  CanuckAmok   Jul-24-06 03:12 AM   #75 
  - of course, I wasn't at their wedding...  soonerhoosier   Jul-24-06 09:27 AM   #84 
  - Kick her ass to the curb.  TransitJohn   Jul-23-06 09:35 PM   #58 
  - Dude  Floogeldy   Jul-23-06 09:39 PM   #59 
  - this does not sound good to me  leftofthedial   Jul-24-06 01:14 AM   #66 
  - Bullcrap. Her "honesty" is to relieve her own guilt.  CanuckAmok   Jul-24-06 03:04 AM   #73 
     - Why tell your partner?  AngryAmish   Jul-25-06 03:26 PM   #120 
  - Please go to a counselor with or without her.  barb162   Jul-24-06 01:21 AM   #67 
  - Y'know...I'm sure that you've gotten a lot of advice in this thread...  reyd reid reed   Jul-24-06 01:23 AM   #68 
  - Why is your wife still talking about this guy?  judaspriestess   Jul-24-06 01:35 AM   #69 
  - Deleted message  Name removed   Jul-24-06 06:02 AM   #79 
  - Dude, only you are your wife can sort this out!  foreigncorrespondent   Jul-24-06 01:36 AM   #70 
  - I'm so sorry.  RevCheesehead   Jul-24-06 02:50 AM   #71 
  - Get rid of her.  CanuckAmok   Jul-24-06 03:00 AM   #72 
  - If you don't have kids together DUMP THAT BITCH!  951-Riverside   Jul-24-06 03:13 AM   #76 
  - I'm all for forgiveness and second chances.  Kailassa   Jul-24-06 05:15 AM   #77 
  - Bullshit  alcibiades_mystery   Jul-24-06 06:04 AM   #80 
  - Deleted sub-thread  Name removed   Jul-24-06 04:29 PM   #86 
  - You really don't think that's true? (nt)  rbnyc   Jul-25-06 07:47 AM   #109 
  - Yes, let us get realistic!  foreigncorrespondent   Jul-24-06 07:54 PM   #94 
  - As you say yourself, "it happens more often than not",  Kailassa   Jul-25-06 07:24 AM   #104 
  - I tend to agree with you.  rbnyc   Jul-25-06 07:52 AM   #110 
     - But then you'd be wondering why he seemed as though  Kailassa   Jul-25-06 09:02 PM   #123 
        - True...  rbnyc   Jul-26-06 12:00 PM   #131 
  - If it were me, I'd be out of there.  BlueIris   Jul-24-06 05:41 AM   #78 
  - You forgot the part where you throw her shit out on the curb  alcibiades_mystery   Jul-24-06 06:06 AM   #81 
     - I might wait for the lab work to come back before destroying belongings.  BlueIris   Jul-24-06 06:25 AM   #82 
  - This sentence says it all to me:  Vash the Stampede   Jul-24-06 10:13 AM   #85 
  - *DING* *DING* *DING* We have a winner.  HypnoToad   Jul-24-06 04:31 PM   #87 
  - She calls you on the way to work.  Sequoia   Jul-24-06 06:13 PM   #88 
  - You have latched onto the point that concerns me most.  Kailassa   Jul-24-06 07:44 PM   #92 
     - So the problem is how she let him know?  _testify_   Jul-25-06 08:32 AM   #117 
     - You appear to have missed the words: "while he was driving" ...  Kailassa   Jul-25-06 09:25 PM   #124 
     - Thanks. I have.  Sequoia   Jul-25-06 02:02 PM   #118 
     - Yep, your heart is tearing up inside, and there are no words  Kailassa   Jul-25-06 09:31 PM   #125 
     - That shows, to me, that she considered not telling and knew that she had  MJDuncan1982   Jul-26-06 08:46 AM   #130 
  - She calls you on the way to work.  Sequoia   Jul-24-06 06:13 PM   #89 
  - Join the club  MoseyWalker   Jul-24-06 06:17 PM   #90 
  - Allow a cold-hearted bastard to chime in  Juffo Wup   Jul-24-06 07:48 PM   #93 
  - In case you're still reading, I'll repost my hope that you get a check-up.  BlueIris   Jul-24-06 08:27 PM   #96 
  - I don't know what to male roommate  ikojo   Jul-24-06 08:42 PM   #97 
  - Deleted message  Name removed   Jul-24-06 08:43 PM   #98 
  - If you can  FILAM23   Jul-24-06 08:51 PM   #99 
  - Um stoning? Let me get this straight...  NNadir   Jul-24-06 08:59 PM   #103 
     - Only for female infidelity, from the sounds of it.  Kailassa   Jul-25-06 07:35 AM   #105 
        - As a victim who wishes no ill will towards my cheating ex...  Vash the Stampede   Jul-25-06 08:13 AM   #112 
           - Well, here is one site for you.  Kailassa   Jul-25-06 09:57 PM   #126 
              - Perhaps this is the reason for my perspective  Vash the Stampede   Jul-26-06 07:44 AM   #127 
  - Lots of advice here... I won't add to it (not specifically)  MissMillie   Jul-24-06 08:51 PM   #100 
  - Boot. Bitch. Curb.  seawolf   Jul-24-06 08:52 PM   #101 
  - It's a "deal breaker." But WHY did she tell you?  El Fuego   Jul-25-06 08:14 AM   #113 
  - He had told her that "IF" she ever cheated, she should tell him.  soonerhoosier   Jul-25-06 08:27 AM   #115 
     - I understand what you are going through.....  CraftyGal   Jul-25-06 03:14 PM   #119 
  - My wife did that years ago.  gizmo1979   Jul-25-06 04:09 PM   #121 
  - How about a different perspective.  Xithras   Jul-25-06 04:15 PM   #122 
  - Here it is Thursday and I am just getting to this?  RedCloud   Jul-26-06 01:56 PM   #134 

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