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Reply #5: this is my experience, too [View All]

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StellaBlue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jan-13-06 12:11 AM
Response to Reply #2
5. this is my experience, too
my parents are divorced, and one of them and my step-parent are, largely, happily married. But I think it's more about comfort zones and the desperate clingy love that develops over time (well at least it did for me with my ex - like we had bought into this scheme and had to stick with, had had had to make it work even though it clearly wasn't). They also argue quite a lot and both bitch about the other when I am alone with them, blaming the other for the problems and dissatisfactions in their life. One of them told me once that the other had pressured them into marriage, too, which I thought was telling. To me, marriage is, in a practical sense, a way to try to bend someone to your will. If that makes sense. At least that's my experience of it. I can think of two people I know how claim to be happily married and have been so for many years. Two. Out of hundreds of couples I know.
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  -Anyone else here come to the conclusion that they don't want to marry? StellaBlue  Jan-12-06 11:43 PM   #0 
  - most marriages end up being traps  Madrone   Jan-12-06 11:56 PM   #1 
  - Unfortunately, I am attracted to men  StellaBlue   Jan-13-06 12:08 AM   #4 
  - A series of male companions...  Madrone   Jan-13-06 12:24 AM   #8 
  - Good thing you told me you hate marriage  aclog   Jan-13-06 11:20 AM   #39 
  - if you look at the statistics  hfojvt   Jan-13-06 12:48 AM   #12 
     - the only thing that really worries/annoys me  StellaBlue   Jan-13-06 12:59 AM   #14 
        - That's not necessarily true.  GOPisEvil   Jan-13-06 10:01 AM   #35 
           - no offense meant, but...  StellaBlue   Jan-13-06 01:45 PM   #51 
              - Yikes!  GOPisEvil   Jan-13-06 01:48 PM   #52 
                 - I want to buy a house  StellaBlue   Jan-13-06 02:00 PM   #54 
                    - Well, I see what you mean, but...  GOPisEvil   Jan-13-06 02:03 PM   #55 
  - Good. I'm not alone either then.  the dogfish   Jan-13-06 12:01 AM   #2 
  - this is my experience, too  StellaBlue   Jan-13-06 12:11 AM   #5 
  - I've never wanted to marry.  Starbucks Anarchist   Jan-13-06 12:07 AM   #3 
  - oh, but there IS  StellaBlue   Jan-13-06 12:12 AM   #6 
     - Well, I might marry for tax purposes.  Starbucks Anarchist   Jan-13-06 12:25 AM   #9 
  - well I am an old bachelor  hfojvt   Jan-13-06 12:20 AM   #7 
  - I fully share your feeling on work, retirement, etc.  StellaBlue   Jan-13-06 12:41 AM   #11 
  - The rest I agree with you on  aclog   Jan-13-06 11:26 AM   #41 
     - You got that backwards  hfojvt   Jan-13-06 01:05 PM   #50 
        - Thats a reaaaaaaaalllly bad take on NSA :D  aclog   Jan-13-06 04:30 PM   #59 
  - Never Married; Never Wanted to Be  REP   Jan-13-06 12:31 AM   #10 
  - I liked it, though my own has been a failure.  jobycom   Jan-13-06 12:52 AM   #13 
  - thanks for the well-thought-out input  StellaBlue   Jan-13-06 01:05 AM   #17 
  - that was very good  hfojvt   Jan-13-06 12:51 PM   #49 
  - Good Topic!  Maine Mary   Jan-13-06 01:04 AM   #15 
  - I don't see myself marrying either  Indy_Dem_Defender   Jan-13-06 01:04 AM   #16 
  - I am 39 years old  Popol Vuh   Jan-13-06 01:40 AM   #18 
  - perhaps not marriage in the "traditional" sense...  WindRavenX   Jan-13-06 01:48 AM   #19 
  - upon my recent divorce  leftofthedial   Jan-13-06 02:01 AM   #20 
  - Most marriages today  Justice Is Comin   Jan-13-06 03:12 AM   #21 
  - Oh, suff ring!  aclog   Jan-13-06 04:56 PM   #62 
  - Never fucking ever again. Ever.  RetroLounge   Jan-13-06 07:06 AM   #22 
  - maybe you'll change your mind  threehensandacow   Jan-13-06 10:13 PM   #64 
     - That must be one hell of a black dress  RetroLounge   Jan-14-06 08:29 AM   #65 
  - When I was your age  Gormy Cuss   Jan-13-06 07:33 AM   #23 
  - Six years into my second one  Ellen Forradalom   Jan-13-06 07:37 AM   #24 
  - Defnitely very gun shy  supernova   Jan-13-06 07:38 AM   #25 
  - I don't see it again  RazzleCat   Jan-13-06 07:47 AM   #27 
  - Been there, done that!  raccoon   Jan-13-06 09:19 AM   #32 
  - Getting married just to be married to SOMEONE is dumb.  kick-ass-bob   Jan-13-06 07:39 AM   #26 
  - I just feel that, even now, as a woman  StellaBlue   Jan-13-06 01:53 PM   #53 
  - I have no desire to marry unless....  LynneSin   Jan-13-06 07:50 AM   #28 
  - I hope that you change your mind someday about kids  mongo   Jan-13-06 11:20 AM   #38 
     - Nah, that would require me doing all that messy stuff like diaper  LynneSin   Jan-13-06 12:35 PM   #48 
        - You're not selfish---you made a choice.  GrumpyGreg   Jan-13-06 02:04 PM   #56 
           - From One GG to another....thanks  GalleryGod   Jan-13-06 02:15 PM   #57 
  - No. I actually went BACK and tried it again. Voila!  GalleryGod   Jan-13-06 08:25 AM   #29 
  - Little acknowledged fact  Lurking_Argyle   Jan-13-06 09:11 AM   #30 
  - I'm in my mid-fifties, never married.  raccoon   Jan-13-06 09:13 AM   #31 
  - I especially agree with the last line in your post.  the dogfish   Jan-13-06 08:13 PM   #63 
  - I'm with you on this one. Never wanted to breed and hate the  greyhound1966   Jan-13-06 09:58 AM   #33 
  - Not so much that I don't want to, necessarily. But, if I never get married  GOPisEvil   Jan-13-06 10:00 AM   #34 
  - I swore up and down I'd never get married  kedrys   Jan-13-06 11:09 AM   #36 
  - I decided long ago...  Hell Hath No Fury   Jan-13-06 11:12 AM   #37 
  - Don't think it will happen for me  bikebloke   Jan-13-06 11:23 AM   #40 
  - Im not allowed to get married to the people I want to marry  MadAsHellNewYorker   Jan-13-06 11:34 AM   #42 
  - I married for the first time at age 47, and it has worked well for me.  kwassa   Jan-13-06 11:43 AM   #43 
  - the marriage concept is predicated  datasuspect   Jan-13-06 12:22 PM   #44 
  - re  StellaBlue   Jan-14-06 11:43 AM   #72 
  - Yes.  southlandshari   Jan-13-06 12:23 PM   #45 
  - add another to the list  LSK   Jan-13-06 12:30 PM   #46 
  - yeah, but it took me a divorce to realise it.  CanuckAmok   Jan-13-06 12:33 PM   #47 
  - I had to go and try it first, f*** it  ForrestGump   Jan-13-06 02:43 PM   #58 
  - Took us 25 years of living together to get married 5(?) years ago  graywarrior   Jan-13-06 04:32 PM   #60 
  - I'm only a teen, so of course what I think will probably change.  WritingIsMyReligion   Jan-13-06 04:42 PM   #61 
  - I probably would  lizziegrace   Jan-14-06 08:59 AM   #66 
  - Yes, but I married and my husband loves me  Nikia   Jan-14-06 10:18 AM   #67 
  - You're probably not going to like what I am about to say....  MrsGrumpy   Jan-14-06 10:31 AM   #68 
  - that's great for you  StellaBlue   Jan-14-06 11:36 AM   #71 
  - My point I guess was (not finding the right man not open minded)  MrsGrumpy   Jan-14-06 11:44 AM   #73 
     - thanks for the post  StellaBlue   Jan-14-06 11:54 AM   #74 
     - I didn't think I was cheerleading. I thought I was projecting the reality  MrsGrumpy   Jan-14-06 12:00 PM   #75 
     - and  StellaBlue   Jan-14-06 12:02 PM   #76 
        - I take things for what they are until they aren't. But, one can still  MrsGrumpy   Jan-14-06 12:03 PM   #77 
  - Wow  GirlinContempt   Jan-14-06 12:28 PM   #79 
     - It took much stupidity on my part and a very long time as well.  MrsGrumpy   Jan-14-06 02:09 PM   #81 
  - Yes.  C_eh_N_eh_D_eh   Jan-14-06 10:40 AM   #69 
  - Yes.  hippiechick   Jan-14-06 11:03 AM   #70 
  - Between the ages of 18 and 20  NV Whino   Jan-14-06 12:12 PM   #78 
  - I've been sure most of my life that marriage is a road I won't travel.  Ladyhawk   Jan-14-06 12:41 PM   #80 

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