Reply #20: sometimes i go to her grave and talk to her

[bertha katzenengel]

Her grave is unmarked, in a Catholic cemetery in Huntington Beach. I don't know why her grave is unmarked or why she was buried in a Catholic cemetery. She wasn't Catholic. I suspect the reason her grave is unmarked is because my stepfather had to borrow or steal to get her buried. Probably my grandmother (paternal) paid for the burial.

I tell her about her grandchildren, and about how I overcame how she and her choices completely fucked me up until I got help. I tell her she's forgiven. I wonder: if she could hear me, would she react to that the way my father does? How would she react? I'll never know.

It's a cliche to get introspective like this on anniversaries, but who cares? That's me.

I haven't gone to her grave in about eight years.