Reply #60: My dad dying when I was 13.

[fudge stripe cookays]

It impacted every other facet of my life.

My mom began dating an old boyfriend from high school who became an unpleasant fixture in my life for the next 9-10 years. We uprooted from Austin to San Antonio for 3 years for him until my mom got fed up waiting for him to marry her.

So we moved BACK to Austin, and they continued together. Finally got married in 1988. The entire year and a half the marriage lasted, they NEVER LIVED IN THE SAME CITY. He and I got into knock down drag-out fights, and she would never stand up for me. Because she was too afraid of losing him.

That situation screwed me up for a long time. And has caused some major shit with my mother. She and I have a very adversarial relationship.

Because of my insane need for a man in my life, the first guy I dated in college felt the brunt of my neediness. When we broke up, I OD'd. Fortunately, it was just Sominex.

I left that college because I couldn't handle being around this person so much (same major, same minor, all the same friends, same dorm).

When I got back to Austin, I began sleeping with anything that moved, trying to fill that emptiness. Ended up having 1 abortion; 1 miscarriage, and generally fucking up my life.

Until I finally got my ass back to school and got my degree. And then, everything finally fell into place. I got a good job, and I met reprehensor.

I try not to dwell on it, but I get so frustrated thinking of my dad and his smoking. I wonder if he had any conception how much he would change my life by not being here because of some stupid little white sticks.

fsc