Reply #159: There's a side of this argument nobody talks about.

[JackDragna]

I'm a man and have many friends who, for lack of a better term, are about as skilled at impressing women as a chinchilla would be at repairing the Hubble telescope. Many of them complain about not getting dates and blame the whole ordeal on the "nice guy" syndrome. Almost universally, my friends and others I've noticed who are these sexless nice guys share a common suite of traits:

- They are not physically attractive. Many of them are overweight and clearly out of shape. This in itself could be overcome, except that these men often do not do things to improve their appearance they could change on a day-to-day basis. For example, they don't wear decent clothes, they don't keep themselves clean or shaven and don't take too much time with their hair.

- "Nice guys" usually have grating personality flaws that make them unpleasant to be around by anyone, much less women. They have a limited knowledge of small-talk related subjects, are obsessive and will correct you in the middle of conversations or any number of other character idiosyncracies. Guys, women are not obligated to take your sorry asses out if the scope of your knowledge is limited to comic books, Dungeons and Dragons and Half-Life. Learn how to talk to people who have life experiences different from yours. Women can smell a person who's a loser like this a million miles away.

- Finally, the biggest problem with nice guys is that they just don't ask women out. I see time and again where friends of mine talk to a relatively attractive woman while at some public place, say a bar or restaurant or some such, and don't even bother to ask her for her phone number. When I ask why they didn't even try, it's always some lame excuse like "well, I could tell she wouldn't date me" or some other crap. I'm not the most handsome man in the world, but I've never had problems finding dates because I'm not afraid to ask women out. I get shot down 99 times out of 100, but if you ask often enough, you get women who are charmed you've asked them out. Believe it or not, guys (and I think the women here will back me on this), you would be utterly shocked at how many decent women out there do NOT have decent guys ask them out. Jerks and morons pester them all the time, but the decent men of the world are just too timid.

In some ways, I think all of this stems from what has now become a very sedentary, asocial culture. People watch TV and play video games instead of going out in public. They therefore do not develop the skills or self-confidence necessary to interact with others. The "nice guys" of the world therefore do not learn how to impress women or even make casual conversation. My best advice for lovelorn men is to force yourself to go out. Join social groups, go to clubs, do anything to get out of the house. Making the initial effort is 90% of successful dating.