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Reply #45: Dear Congressman Sensenbrenner: [View All]

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eyesroll Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-23-04 12:30 PM
Response to Reply #40
45. Dear Congressman Sensenbrenner:
I used to be a jackass, like you. Then, my wife started getting these, you know, urges....it's amazing what a little bit of visual fantasy does for your constitution. Poof! No more jackass.

I humbly suggest you ask your wife whether she would prefer to be in a her-F. Jim-Halle Berry or a her-F. Jim-Brad Pitt sandwich, and go from there.

Your constituent,
Hedges
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  -"Eyesroll Visits The Vintage Store" eyesroll  Aug-23-04 11:36 AM   #0 
  - lol eyesroll  7th_Sephiroth   Aug-23-04 11:47 AM   #1 
  - Well, then I wouldn't be able to write stuff like this anymore  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:11 PM   #21 
     - Why?  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:16 PM   #28 
        - someone you dont  7th_Sephiroth   Aug-23-04 01:07 PM   #80 
           - She'd better share!  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 01:09 PM   #83 
           - hmm...  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 01:10 PM   #84 
              - right  7th_Sephiroth   Aug-23-04 01:11 PM   #86 
                 - ..  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 01:16 PM   #93 
                    - just promise  7th_Sephiroth   Aug-23-04 01:18 PM   #94 
                       - For the love of God someone restrain me from copycatting this thread.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 01:19 PM   #96 
                          - look, a kitten thread  7th_Sephiroth   Aug-23-04 01:20 PM   #97 
                          - hmm....SLB Visits the Vintage Store  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 01:33 PM   #100 
                             - Run! It's Single White Female and I'm Bridget Fonda!  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 01:35 PM   #101 
                                - No, you are Brigitte Nielsen.  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 01:40 PM   #102 
  - Dear Penthouse Forum:  GOPisEvil   Aug-23-04 11:48 AM   #2 
  - HAHAHAHA!  Fenris   Aug-23-04 11:52 AM   #4 
  - Hedges writes several daily. To various state and national-level officials  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 11:53 AM   #7 
  - Dear Senator Feingold:  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 12:25 PM   #40 
     - I've been having a three year affair with Pierre Trudeau's corpse.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:28 PM   #43 
     - Yes, but you are supposed to move it EXTERNALLY.  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 12:29 PM   #44 
     - Dear Congressman Sensenbrenner:  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:30 PM   #45 
        - .  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 12:31 PM   #46 
           - Dare you to mail that in...  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:40 PM   #59 
  - Dear Penthouse Fourum:  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 11:53 AM   #8 
  - Nah...  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:14 PM   #24 
  - Alice Underground in NYC... best vintage clothing store ever...  Misunderestimator   Aug-23-04 11:50 AM   #3 
  - She was really hot.  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:16 PM   #26 
     - In this context... of course you can  Misunderestimator   Aug-23-04 12:27 PM   #42 
        - No flames.  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:34 PM   #50 
           - How cute. :)  Misunderestimator   Aug-23-04 12:43 PM   #60 
              - awww...  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:44 PM   #62 
  - My brother's bi.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 11:52 AM   #5 
  - You just like saying that.  Fenris   Aug-23-04 11:55 AM   #9 
  - Yes. It's my ticket to artsy credibility.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 11:56 AM   #10 
     - Damn! That's a good ticket!  Fenris   Aug-23-04 11:58 AM   #13 
        - This thread presents to the entire Lounge the possibility...  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 12:00 PM   #15 
           - I think it just makes the case...  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:21 PM   #34 
              - Well, I know Byron is....  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 12:22 PM   #35 
              - You can't prove anything.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:23 PM   #37 
              - I prefer cold girl-on-girl action.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:22 PM   #36 
                 - Actually, yeah.  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 12:24 PM   #38 
                 - Well...I have cold hands and feet...  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:25 PM   #39 
                    - You're too nice, I'm afraid. Not enough hauteur, no froideur  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:27 PM   #41 
                       - Awww. I think.  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:31 PM   #47 
                          - Well, you're not haughty and cold, right?  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:32 PM   #48 
                             - You do not know eyesroll very well, SLB.  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 12:33 PM   #49 
                             - Are you saying she's a cold-hearted, callous beach?  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:35 PM   #51 
                                - Yes.  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 12:35 PM   #54 
                                   - Grrrr, baby.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:37 PM   #56 
                             - Ah.  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:35 PM   #52 
                                - That was yesterday.  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 12:36 PM   # 
                                - I suppose I can work with uptight.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:36 PM   #55 
                                   - Ooh baby.  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:37 PM   #57 
                                      - Why thank you. Only 'cause it's you, mind.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:45 PM   #63 
                                         - Talk to hedges.  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:50 PM   #66 
                                            - Good God, he could have written that response.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:53 PM   #67 
                                               - It's been eleven years, Byron...  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:56 PM   #68 
                                                  - The coutermelody in the second verse of Television's "Venus"  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 12:58 PM   #70 
                                                  - I knew it! I knew he made all those bands up!  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:58 PM   #71 
                                                  - That photo would ensure that I am NEVER banned.  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 01:05 PM   #75 
                                                  - What? You sent your pic to Skinner?  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 01:06 PM   #78 
  - My brother's imaginary.  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 11:57 AM   #11 
     - My brother's a bigoted asshole.  Misunderestimator   Aug-23-04 11:58 AM   #12 
        - My brother looks like 1965 Paul McCartney stretched out to 6'6"  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:00 PM   #14 
           - My brother looks like a chipmunk with a mouth full of nuts... stretched...  Misunderestimator   Aug-23-04 12:02 PM   #16 
              - My sister looks like my driver's license picture, but not me  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:07 PM   #18 
                 - In my drivers license picture I look like the missing member  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:08 PM   #19 
                    - You ARE a member.  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 12:11 PM   #20 
                       - And you're so jealous.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:12 PM   #22 
                          - Symbia will be free yet!  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 12:17 PM   #30 
  - $35?! GET OUT!  redqueen   Aug-23-04 11:53 AM   #6 
  - I know! It's perfect!  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:06 PM   #17 
     - I usually wear mine till they fall apart  redqueen   Aug-23-04 12:14 PM   #23 
        - Well, go to the vintage store in your town...  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:14 PM   #25 
           - Like I need to get into trouble ;-)  redqueen   Aug-23-04 12:19 PM   #33 
  - Surely you could have picked a title  prolesunited   Aug-23-04 12:16 PM   #27 
  - She's back home now...  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:18 PM   #31 
  - You feeling better young lady?  sundog   Aug-23-04 12:17 PM   #29 
  - What can I say?  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:19 PM   #32 
  - So, the real question is....  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 12:35 PM   #53 
  - Why, who's your wife?  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 12:38 PM   #58 
  - Hey! HEY!  Fenris   Aug-23-04 12:59 PM   #72 
     - Sorry Fen.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 01:06 PM   #77 
        - You could buy me dinner every once in a while.  Fenris   Aug-23-04 01:10 PM   #85 
           - Right. Sorry 'bout that.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 01:11 PM   #88 
              - Or at least take a shower every day!  Fenris   Aug-23-04 01:13 PM   #90 
  - Wow, no responses?  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:43 PM   #61 
  - LOL... Was gonna ask for a picture... but I'm taken :)  Misunderestimator   Aug-23-04 12:47 PM   #64 
  - You're assuming that people have made it this far down in the thread  GOPisEvil   Aug-23-04 12:47 PM   #65 
     - I try my best...  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 12:57 PM   #69 
  - My wife...  RetroLounge   Aug-23-04 05:52 PM   #113 
     - Sure!  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 06:26 PM   #116 
        - Define good...  RetroLounge   Aug-23-04 07:06 PM   #117 
           - Even "Court of the Krimson King?"  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 07:58 PM   #118 
              - The Stooges Conjure Memories  RetroLounge   Aug-23-04 11:00 PM   #119 
  - I realize I should focus on the flirtatious stuff  RetroLounge   Aug-23-04 01:01 PM   #73 
  - Maybe you could introduce us!  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 01:04 PM   #74 
  - Chaka Kahn let me rock you Chaka Kahn  WilliamPitt   Aug-23-04 01:06 PM   #76 
  - Get some Depends.  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 01:07 PM   #79 
  - Shouldn't you be shitting in the street or something?  WilliamPitt   Aug-23-04 01:14 PM   #91 
  - I feel for you, Will  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 01:07 PM   #81 
     - or maybe a trowel would be better?  RetroLounge   Aug-23-04 05:53 PM   #114 
  - Locking.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 01:08 PM   #82 
  - You realize you're going to have to change your name.  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 01:11 PM   #87 
  - Well...my eyes do roll a bit when...  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 01:12 PM   #89 
     - Ummm.... aaaa.......errrrr....  redqueen   Aug-23-04 01:16 PM   #92 
     - Oh, now you're just thinking of that snapshot.  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 01:21 PM   #98 
        - Vanity, thy name is alhedges.  redqueen   Aug-23-04 01:41 PM   #103 
           - Ooh baby.  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 01:43 PM   #105 
           - And speaking of photos......  Screaming Lord Byron   Aug-23-04 01:43 PM   #106 
              - I KNEW you liked it!  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 01:45 PM   #108 
     - Dammit...now stop that!  GOPisEvil   Aug-23-04 01:18 PM   #95 
        - Hey...Byron brought it up...  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 01:24 PM   #99 
  - Just so you know  prolesunited   Aug-23-04 01:43 PM   #104 
  - But proles... you're a TERRIBLE employee!  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 01:44 PM   #107 
  - I know  prolesunited   Aug-23-04 01:51 PM   #109 
  - Woo hoo!  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 01:52 PM   #110 
     - Now I have A Tribe Called Quest stuck in my head.  whoisalhedges   Aug-23-04 01:59 PM   #111 
        - Is there room for the whole Tribe?  RetroLounge   Aug-23-04 05:55 PM   #115 
  - a kick, because I told someone to go check this out...  eyesroll   Aug-23-04 04:29 PM   #112 
 

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