Today I punched out a Freeper

[ForrestGump]

SUV.

I was about to cross a local boulevard, with a 'walk' signal icon protecting me, when some f***wit in a black Lincoln Navigator (and is it really coincidence that this rhymes so well with "Stinkin' Masturbator"?) came sailing through the intersection in an attempt to once again demonstrate the maxim that two physical bodies cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

I quickly backshuffled to avoid being generally killed but, backed up against the curb, my foot had nowhere to go in the split second available and came thissssssss close to being crushed by this idiot's behemoth. He even slowed to a near stop at that instant, so I'm sure he saw me -- of course, there's always the likelihood of complete oblivion, whether born of self-centered arrogance or duh-ness.

Regardless, I was rather peeved by this attempt at vehicular manslaughter and verily did my right palm lash out to deliver a palm strike to the offending vehicle that rocked it slightly as he continued his turn onto Venture Boulevard. No dents, I think, because those rear pillars are fairly solid. Coincident with this act of self-defense, I -- not given to such verbal displays -- loudly proclaimed that the driver was an f-worder.

As the rear bumper receded toward Reseda, I saw a "W 04" campaign sticker affixed. Republican scum. May he suffer multiple flat tires in Death Valley on a day as lovely and warm as today and find that he didn't bring water because he couldn't find any that wasn't French. Let it be so.