Oh geez. Read this hilarious Freepy post.

[Fuzz]

Need Help From Freeper Females (vanity)

Some of the guys and I are presently at the camping lodge and we’ve got a problem that requires the help of a sensible woman. My brother-in-law managed to get something in his hair this morning, and he wanted to wash it out. I can’t tell you what that something was, because he’s refused to divulge that to us thus far (I suspect that he fabricated the “tainted hair” theory to save himself some embarrassment.)

My brother-in-law believes that his wife has, at some point, told him that peanut butter is a useful household hair cleaner / conditioner. His wife animately denied ever saying anything about peanut butter, and thinks that he must have confused it with mayonnaise. Anyway, this guy has gone from a docile gentlemen to a ranting idiot and he’s now in a state of full blown panic.

Please provide us with any suggestions that you may have for removing peanut butter from hair. If possible, we’d like to know of any “home remedies” that may work – we’re in a fairly remote location and nobody is willing to go to the store. Besides looking ridiculous, he smells horrible. Here’s what we’ve tried so far:

A) Tried to “melt” it away by pouring very hot water over his head. This basically resulted in mild burns to his neck and scalp.
B) Made a makeshift shower cap out of a Wal-Mart bag, taped it around his head to make it watertight, and poured beer in a small hole at the top. He let it soak for about an hour to no avail.

Anything that you can suggest would be most appreciated.

Jaysun



Here's one of his followups:

Sweet Sassy Molassy! I stepped away for a few and there's over 300 replies on here! Thanks! It would take me forever to reply to everyone, so I'll cover the basics. I'm addressing this to "ALL" (I've seen that done several times, but I'm not sure if it works) so I hope that everyone gets this. I've been begging him to let me use some shears to simply shave his head. We have a cool set of clippers that work by squeezing the handles up and down. They look kind of like garden shears with a clipper at the end. He's violently opposed to the idea of having his head shaved (he's balding and is one of those guys that uses the terrible looking 'comb over' technique). OK, here's the steps taken - in order - so far:

1) The WD-40 seemed to me to be a brilliant idea. It seemed to have helped some, because after being drenched in it he had some tan liquid dripping down on his shoulders.
2) We didn't have gasoline so we substituted with the minuscule amount of diesel fuel that we had, and finished up with a good dousing of Coleman Fuel.
3) We powdered him with a mixture of baking soda, corn starch, and laundry detergent. We took turns doing it from a distance. He was so pathetic looking - standing in the shower all covered in white powder. He reminded me of one of those poor saps being 'deloused' as they enter prison.
4) It was determined that the powder mixture wasn't sufficiently staying on his head. We mixed it with some more beer to form a paste and then covered his head with it.
5) He waited for a bit and then rinsed his head. It's noticeably better, but he's not out of the woods yet.
6) An entire bottle of lemon juice is now soaking into his hair.
7) I've been holding the idea of using liquid soap (DAWN) as my ace in the hole. I've made him agree to tell me what the original substance that he got into his hair was in exchange for telling him the final step. He's about to start using the soap. I hope that it works! If so, he's agreed to tell us the story pre-peanut butter.

Thanks!
Jaysun
OH! We've got pictures! It's a regular camera, so I'll have to get them developed and scanned, but I'll post them. Meanwhile, the best way that I can describe the guy is this: Imagine if Don King and Lyle Lovett had a kid that just spent 2 weeks swimming through an oil slick. He looks like hell.


http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1122129/posts

And here's his profile:

My wife stays at home and takes care of the house and children. That’s the way that we both wanted it (for our kids sake). I’m also the “boss” at home. Not because I like to rule over my wife, or feel that she’s less than me, but because we both agreed that such an arrangement is best to avoid needless arguments. I take my whole family to church every Sunday. I teach my children that life isn’t fair and that they can either wise up to that and do their best, or they can whine and fight and fail. I spank my children when necessary. They do not disrespect me, my wife, their teachers, or anyone else for that matter. I own two guns. If someone came into my house to do harm to my family, they’d quickly find themselves lying on the floor with a sizable hole somewhere in their body. I believe that part of what makes America great is knowing that my children have the opportunity to become anything they want (even wealthy). I love America because it affords us all an equal opportunity. I do not believe that people who succeed should be sneered at or punished in any way.

My wife is from Germany. Her father moved here with his wife and children in 1987 – without even knowing the language. He learned English, started a business, and sent all 3 of his kids to college. His company now employees more than 40 people. I, on the other hand, was born here. I did not go to college yet I started my own company at the age of 19. We live quite comfortably and my company now employees more than 70 people. I do make considerably more than my employees do, but I didn’t force them to come to work for me, I don’t force them to continue working for me, nor do I think that they're unable to become business owners themselves. That is why I love America. That is also why I hate anyone who seeks to destroy such things.