Reply #12: because it's okay to trash women in society

[Heddi]

in general--why should DU be any different?

And I'm saying this as a woman who has nearly sent her fist through the computer screen after reading not one, not two, but DOZENS UPON DOZENS of hateful, mysogonistic remarks regarding the alleged victim in the kobe bryant case---I find the arguments sickening---because these same arguments (She's lying, she's after money, she's lying, she's a slut, she's lying, she's crazy, she's lying, she asked for it, ad nauseum) have been used, are still being used, and most likely will continue to be used against victims of violent crimes.

When I was about 12 I was molested by my mother's live in boyfriend. The first time happened when I was in the tub taking a bath. He walked in, and well----anyways----when I eventually told my mother and the police about what happened, the FIRST words---FIRST words out of the officer's mouth was "Why weren't you wearing any clothes to begin with?" I told him "because I was taking a bath". He says "oh, well did you have to take a bath RIGHT THEN, when you knew he was in the house?" :angry: Yes---I SPECIFICALLY got naked so that this monster could come in and do unmentionable things to me that have scarred me for my entire life. I was asking for it :angry: :angry:

Unless you have sat on the other side of an interrogation table having police question EVERYTHING about you, you have NO idea how hurtful---beyond hurtful, the words are that I read on DU regarding this girl.

It should be said that I was about 16 when I finally came forward with the molestation charges. I had documented everything that happeneed in my diary at the times that it happened (Over 4 years of abuse at that point), but never had the nerve to say "I was raped. I was molested" (saying those things out loud for the first time is very very difficult).

These are qeustions the police asked me:

Q: HOw many times had I had sex
A: None

Q: But I thought he "molested you" (says that in sarcastic voice)
A: He did. but he raped me, he didn't have sex with me

Q: You don't think sex is rape?
A: No, it wasn't consentual

Q: Are you SURE it wasn't consentual
A: I think the broken arm I got is proof that it wasn't consentual

Q: Well you weren't just playing hard to get?
A: No. I was playing "Trying to get away for the safety of my life"

Q: How many times have you masturbated? Have you ever done it in front of him, you know, to turn him on? Just to tease him
A: you've got to be kidding me

Q: (holding up a pair of my underwear---bikini undies) So you're telling me that you feel it's perfectly acceptable for you to prance around the house in panties and a bra in front of a 30-something year old man? That's not being coquetish in your opinion? That's not being flirtatious?
A: the only time he saw my underwear was when he ripped my pants off of me and exposed them
----

Have those questions asked of you by police. See how you feel.

A really great thing that his defense attorney did was to go to my school and get a group of kids that were around my age, and ask them if I'd ever said anything about being "raped"---this wasn't a group of my friends, and most of them were people I'd never even HEARD of, much less would tell delicate information to. But they planted the seed, and wouldn't ya know it, but the next day at school, everyone knew I was raped and molested for many years of my life. Some even MADE UP STORIES about how I had fucked them (which was impossible seeing as I was a 'consentual virgin" until well into my 20's), how I had laughed about it, how me and some other girls and my molester had 3-somes and I was all into it.

But these points do nothing to the people that claim that any woman who has been victimized SOME HOW ASKED FOR IT. Especially if the accused is rich and or famous.

These threads make me sad for my fellow DU'ers--to have such hate built up inside of them and their only outlet is to bash women in the most vile ways.

I have much sympathy for the women in the lives of our mysoginistic DU'ers---