A GREAT Letter to show the Freeper in your life

[romantico]

Dear Red States,

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, & we're taking the other blue states with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota,Wisconsin,Michigan,Illinois, & all the Northeast. We believe the split will be beneficial to the nation, & especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly, you get Texas,Oklahoma, & all the slave states. We get stem cell reserach & the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the statue of liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get intel & microsoft. You get Worldcom.
We get Harvard.You get Ole'Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital & entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue,you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice & anti-war, & we're going to want all our citizens from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, & they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, & hope that the WMDs turn up,but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue states in hand,we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple & lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's qulaity wines (you can serve French wines at State dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all livng redwoods, sequoia's & condors, all the Ivy & Seven Sister Schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech & MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (& their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes,nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all SOuthern Baptist, virtually 100 percent of all televangelist, Rush Limbaugh,Bob Jones University, Clemson & the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood & Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in Red States believe Jonah was actually swalloed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 & 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peac Out,
Blue States