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mpendragon Donating Member (210 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-03-05 09:19 PM
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24. experience from other cultures
I work with a lot of people from India. Every few months some member of my team goes home for several weeks to get married. One guy I knew didn't know his wife to be until he got to the airport. Their families had given their in-laws-to-be a good check and thought they were good, decent people that seemed compatible. They had a few days for supervised courtship and then invited the whole town to their wedding.

I asked him how that's possible. How could you take off back home for a few weeks to marry a woman you'd only known for a few days? He told me that they had different expectations from marriage. These are successful (by western standards) people, not rural farmers who tend to be more traditional. It seems more like that culture is almost content to just be friends with a quality person.

In the west we have TV, movies, and books that tell us all we really need to be happy for the rest of our lives are the one person in the world that we can be madly in love with for the rest of our lives and expensive toys (cars, boats, beach houses). After a few years of being with a new romance (sometimes months or even weeks) the initial rush of love starts to wear off a little. If you are having sex, the sex begins to get routine and/or less frequent. Being addicted to the feeling of love is a hard high to maintain.

So, people become disappointed with the person they fell in love with and start looking again or find some other distraction to replace the feeling of love or lust that they are missing.

Don't get me wrong, I think that a lot of cultures oppress women in marriage arrangements. I'm just saying that maybe our culture has set our sites too high for marriage and almost everything else they depict.
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  -Damn! Why Are So Many People Getting Divorced? stopbush  Apr-03-05 08:57 PM   #0 
  - Americans treat divorce like breaking up an informal relationship.  Zynx   Apr-03-05 08:59 PM   #1 
  - There are more pressures than ever on married folks  Warpy   Apr-03-05 09:05 PM   #11 
     - The sad thing is  LibraLiz1973   Apr-03-05 09:16 PM   #20 
        - I thought it was 25 percent.  bearfan454   Apr-04-05 09:44 AM   #92 
  - 30 years together, 27 married  leftofthedial   Apr-03-05 08:59 PM   #2 
  - Oh dang.  Donailin   Apr-03-05 09:45 PM   #46 
  - You've got my sympathy. Also,  forgethell   Apr-03-05 10:05 PM   #57 
  - Celebrating lucky 13 this month...  Catch22Dem   Apr-03-05 09:00 PM   #3 
  - Congrats.  SW FL Dem   Apr-03-05 09:20 PM   #25 
  - okay....  thecorster   Apr-03-05 09:00 PM   #4 
  - let's not push EVERYTHING bad over on Bush?  genieroze   Apr-04-05 05:57 PM   #131 
  - Most divorces occur when the child reaches age 7.  radwriter0555   Apr-03-05 09:01 PM   #5 
  - Seven year itch? My parents split when I was that age  Lorien   Apr-03-05 09:41 PM   #43 
  - Off topic but your cats are BEAUTIFUL, specially the first one n/t  demokatgurrl   Apr-04-05 10:37 AM   #103 
  - Odd  Dunedain   Apr-03-05 10:05 PM   #56 
  - I was six when my folks split  Clark2008   Apr-04-05 12:41 AM   #66 
  - Because the kid is in school  psychopomp   Apr-04-05 12:17 PM   #120 
  - When it's with the right person  DoYouEverWonder   Apr-04-05 05:48 PM   #129 
  - HMMMM  shanti   Apr-04-05 02:46 PM   #125 
  - It's cause of the gays  Crandor   Apr-03-05 09:01 PM   #6 
  - I read about that somewhere  thecorster   Apr-03-05 09:03 PM   #9 
  - "Magic homo-powers."  GOPBasher   Apr-04-05 09:46 AM   #93 
     - I hear they can sees through your clothes and stuff!  liberalitch   Apr-04-05 10:38 AM   #104 
     - One time, one of them homos picked me up with his telegaynesis and  GOPBasher   Apr-04-05 11:17 AM   #107 
     - As one of "those people"...  TommyO   Apr-04-05 12:07 PM   #119 
        - Sorry to hear that.  GOPBasher   Apr-04-05 12:19 PM   #121 
  - When times are tough families suffer  Vincardog   Apr-03-05 09:02 PM   #7 
  - This was a problem long before Bush came into office...  Township75   Apr-03-05 09:03 PM   #8 
  - Thank you  thecorster   Apr-03-05 09:04 PM   #10 
  - I just don't get it sometimes...  Township75   Apr-03-05 09:10 PM   #13 
  - I feel that way too... we aren't alone  thecorster   Apr-03-05 09:13 PM   #18 
  - In personal relationships,the best saying is: We have met the enemy and it  KlatooBNikto   Apr-03-05 09:21 PM   #26 
  - Unrealistic expectations are depressingly common  Lilith Velkor   Apr-04-05 11:42 AM   #111 
  - The number one stress on marriage is economics  MollyStark   Apr-03-05 09:24 PM   #29 
  - Where did you learn that?  Township75   Apr-03-05 09:36 PM   #38 
  - Upper and middle class people are not touched by economic stress n/t  lumberjack_jeff   Apr-03-05 09:40 PM   #42 
     - Huh?  Township75   Apr-03-05 09:43 PM   #44 
  - OK, maybe it's a stretch but could it be politics?  demokatgurrl   Apr-04-05 10:41 AM   #105 
  - As a "looney leftist"  Lilith Velkor   Apr-04-05 11:40 AM   #109 
  - The Idiot Bu$h is just the hideous head of the beast  Vincardog   Apr-03-05 09:16 PM   #21 
     - That's fair, but you can't  thecorster   Apr-03-05 09:19 PM   #23 
     - The statistics show the correlation between money stress and  Vincardog   Apr-04-05 12:25 AM   #63 
     - have children entered the picture yet?  notadmblnd   Apr-04-05 08:26 AM   #84 
     - that may be true in your case  shanti   Apr-04-05 02:52 PM   #126 
     - Put into perspective, that makes good sense. MONEY and corporate amerika  HypnoToad   Apr-04-05 07:10 AM   #82 
  - I totally agree. This problem started LONG before Bush came in.  LibraLiz1973   Apr-03-05 09:17 PM   #22 
  - del  sonicx   Apr-03-05 09:24 PM   #30 
  - Check the divorce stats vs economic stats over the years.  alittlelark   Apr-04-05 12:30 AM   #64 
  - Don't Get Me Wrong Cuz I'm Happily Married...  K8-EEE   Apr-04-05 01:26 AM   #73 
  - aw c'mon  shanti   Apr-04-05 11:54 AM   #115 
  - I have noticed it too.  merh   Apr-03-05 09:07 PM   #12 
  - 'Cause our country is just so f*cked up.  Just Me   Apr-03-05 09:11 PM   #14 
  - Divorce is highest in the red states  ruggerson   Apr-03-05 09:12 PM   #15 
  - Marrying young  MountainLaurel   Apr-03-05 09:37 PM   #40 
  - You forgot C) Shotgun wedding when the hormones win and  tnlefty   Apr-04-05 10:01 AM   #98 
     - You got it  MountainLaurel   Apr-04-05 10:55 AM   #106 
  - yep  Lexingtonian   Apr-03-05 11:55 PM   #61 
  - Money is NOT the root of all evil, but rather than the lack of it  NNN0LHI   Apr-03-05 09:12 PM   #16 
  - You mean BUSH & the Republicans are destroying...  Kansas Wyatt   Apr-03-05 09:34 PM   #36 
  - If I may rephrase that to "The desire for more of it..."  Ready4Change   Apr-04-05 06:03 PM   #132 
  - And the lowest divorce rate in the entire country, you may ask?  ruggerson   Apr-03-05 09:13 PM   #17 
  - Sweet. (But....Kerry was divorced, unfortunately.) n/t  TexasSissy   Apr-03-05 09:29 PM   #33 
     - I think Julia (the ex) requested annulment  MADem   Apr-04-05 06:43 AM   #80 
  - Here's what I think  LibraLiz1973   Apr-03-05 09:14 PM   #19 
  - There is a lot of good stuff in this post...  Township75   Apr-03-05 09:54 PM   #49 
  - 50 years ago, when mothers stayed home and father's worked  kittykitty   Apr-03-05 11:54 PM   #60 
     - 50 years ago, there was alot of abuse  zanne   Apr-04-05 09:09 AM   #86 
        - Amen to that  raccoon   Apr-04-05 11:52 AM   #113 
  - experience from other cultures  mpendragon   Apr-03-05 09:19 PM   #24 
  - One of the best marriages I know was an Arranged marriage  elehhhhna   Apr-04-05 10:20 AM   #101 
  - Point your finger at the Bush Economic Disaster and Cheap Labor  B Calm   Apr-03-05 09:21 PM   #27 
  - It's because of gays  LostinVA   Apr-03-05 09:22 PM   #28 
  - Those happily married gay couples are ganging up with other  B Calm   Apr-03-05 09:44 PM   #45 
  - Ha!  Donailin   Apr-03-05 10:28 PM   #59 
  - Because the so-called "sanctity of marriage" is a crock of shit.  deadparrot   Apr-03-05 09:25 PM   #31 
  - *applause*  Lilith Velkor   Apr-04-05 11:47 AM   #112 
  - 30 years - husband got a job in Florida  HockeyMom   Apr-03-05 09:28 PM   #32 
  - We shouldn't be blaming Republicans for this  Tactical Progressive   Apr-03-05 09:32 PM   #34 
  - This woman's opinion: It's the men's fault.  TexasSissy   Apr-03-05 09:34 PM   #35 
  - Divorce rate is over 50% now, I've read. Sad, I guess.  TexasSissy   Apr-03-05 09:36 PM   #37 
  - Increased divorce rate, increased abortion rate, increased grocery bills  lonestarnot   Apr-03-05 09:37 PM   #39 
  - Increased people trying to live beyond their means don't help either n/t  NNN0LHI   Apr-03-05 09:45 PM   #47 
     - Yeppity yep...freeps have to keep up with freeps next door....n/t  lonestarnot   Apr-03-05 09:54 PM   #50 
  - Yes. I have a theory:  Donailin   Apr-03-05 09:39 PM   #41 
  - Excellent analysis, Donailin.  KrazyKat   Apr-03-05 09:55 PM   #51 
  - I'm happy for you  Donailin   Apr-03-05 10:04 PM   #55 
     - I don't mind being alone, but I worry because I devote most of  Clark2008   Apr-04-05 01:00 AM   #68 
  - Great Post !  YvonneCa   Apr-03-05 10:06 PM   #58 
  - good ideas  bleedingheart   Apr-04-05 12:07 AM   #62 
  - I want to hear more, if you want to tell it.  Heaven and Earth   Apr-04-05 01:12 AM   #72 
  - sure  Donailin   Apr-04-05 05:43 PM   #128 
  - I did this  JulieRB   Apr-04-05 06:31 PM   #136 
  - Its the gays. Probably, its the economy. My mom and dad are  roguevalley   Apr-03-05 09:52 PM   #48 
  - breakups  enid602   Apr-03-05 09:59 PM   #52 
  - Romance & Lust Is Over-hyped. Also, We Live In A Throw-Away Culture  cryingshame   Apr-03-05 10:01 PM   #53 
  - Glad to hear  Ellen Forradalom   Apr-04-05 01:09 AM   #71 
  - I'm Still Working On The Meaning Of Life Thing.  cryingshame   Apr-04-05 09:01 AM   #85 
     - Gimme a jingle  Ellen Forradalom   Apr-04-05 09:40 AM   #90 
  - I agree with you completely.  Red State Rebel   Apr-04-05 02:02 AM   #75 
  - How do you explain the fact that divorce rates are highest  impeachdubya   Apr-04-05 06:27 PM   #134 
  - This started  forgethell   Apr-03-05 10:03 PM   #54 
  - Because for most people,  neebob   Apr-04-05 12:36 AM   #65 
  - I think more and more people are realizing  BlueIris   Apr-04-05 12:43 AM   #67 
  - I'm just curious,  entanglement   Apr-04-05 05:54 AM   #79 
  - I suspect you nailed it right there  impeachdubya   Apr-04-05 10:04 PM   #141 
  - What a horrendous over-generalization.  impeachdubya   Apr-04-05 10:14 PM   #142 
  - Its the gays, James Dobson told me so(/sarcasm)  Heaven and Earth   Apr-04-05 01:02 AM   #69 
  - Okay everybody--can the cheap moralizing already  Ellen Forradalom   Apr-04-05 01:06 AM   #70 
  - Personally, I don't see why it's remotely any of my business  impeachdubya   Apr-04-05 09:35 PM   #139 
  - Ya' Know, there may be an upside to the trend, if it exists....  kurtyboy   Apr-04-05 01:35 AM   #74 
  - THANK YOU  Ellen Forradalom   Apr-04-05 09:42 AM   #91 
  - YES!  Pithlet   Apr-04-05 01:03 PM   #122 
  - Because the U.S. government will not recognize same-sex marriage.  Swamp Rat   Apr-04-05 02:14 AM   #76 
  - Because marriage is not about "love"'s about commitment  SoCalDem   Apr-04-05 04:09 AM   #77 
  - I married a girl when I got out of college at age 22. The girl I married  KlatooBNikto   Apr-04-05 04:34 AM   #78 
  - Excellent post SoCalDem  bearfan454   Apr-04-05 09:56 AM   #96 
  - Most divorces occur because MONEY is somehow involved. Worse,  HypnoToad   Apr-04-05 07:08 AM   #81 
  - Hyp: SO TRUE! Here's my idea:  elehhhhna   Apr-04-05 07:57 AM   #83 
  - My in-laws, married 46 years, are fighting.  Ilsa   Apr-04-05 09:11 AM   #87 
  - Last year my cousin and her husband split after like ten years...  YellowRubberDuckie   Apr-04-05 09:12 AM   #88 
  - You don't have to know each other that long to become friends  shrike   Apr-04-05 09:50 AM   #95 
  - There are so many divorces because one of them is married to a  Auntie Bush   Apr-04-05 09:22 AM   #89 
  - I married a republican...  purr   Apr-04-05 09:47 AM   #94 
  - Are there any statistics for divorces in the US? n/t  Stockholm   Apr-04-05 10:00 AM   #97 
  - I think it's the stress  bloom   Apr-04-05 10:03 AM   #99 
  - Because we have a ridiculous fairy-tale  bitchkitty   Apr-04-05 10:12 AM   #100 
  - I grew up hearing the same nonsense  raccoon   Apr-04-05 11:54 AM   #116 
  - I can't speak for anyone else  Greylyn58   Apr-04-05 10:29 AM   #102 
  - I married late, in my forties  catmandu57   Apr-04-05 11:42 AM   #110 
  - Societal changes happening fast and furious-  Callous Taoboys   Apr-04-05 11:27 AM   #108 
  - $$$$  shanti   Apr-04-05 11:52 AM   #114 
  - As a divorce lawyer, I can tell you - it's economics  powergirl   Apr-04-05 11:58 AM   #117 
  - Have you seen an increase in divorices? Do you have statistics?  stopbush   Apr-04-05 07:56 PM   #137 
  - It's not unusual for divorce/separation rates to rise  Bouncy Ball   Apr-04-05 12:04 PM   #118 
  - We've have a 50 percent divorce rate (at least)  theboss   Apr-04-05 01:30 PM   #123 
  - You offer only anecdotal evidence of your assertions  Walt Starr   Apr-04-05 01:50 PM   #124 
  - I think the OP is asking but nobody seems to have stats  trudyco   Apr-04-05 11:38 PM   #143 
  - The weirdest stat I've read about divorce is....  NYC2099   Apr-04-05 04:05 PM   #127 
  - One possible reason might be  raccoon   Apr-05-05 09:13 AM   #144 
  - Dunno. But this never-married is committed to remaining that way  catzies   Apr-04-05 05:48 PM   #130 
  - my relationship was a casualty of Bush directly...  trekbiker   Apr-04-05 06:10 PM   #133 
  - 25th anniversary is tomorrow, 29 years since meeting. eom  caligirl   Apr-04-05 06:30 PM   #135 
  - It's because people aren't chaste enough.  impeachdubya   Apr-04-05 09:33 PM   #138 
  - It's been like this for several decades. Are you just now noticing?  Media_Lies_Daily   Apr-04-05 09:54 PM   #140 

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