Reply #23: Absolutely, positively disagree

[comsymp]

As you indicted, your daughter made the decision on her own not to tell the family- it's loathesomeshrub's son's -and only his- decision.

You also state that it isn't up to y'all (us) to out someone who's gay- I believe the inverse is true, too. Parents/family don't have to deal with the effects of being closeted and therefore, have no business attempting to attempt to discourage their son/daughter from coming out. Coming out is often a difficult, painful process but there's a reason people do it- even though it might appear much "easier" to stay in.

I would suggest that LS & hubby sit down w/son, discuss the pros and cons. Frankly, hurting Grandpa's pride is small potatoes compared to having her son have to sit quietly and internalize the insults whenever he endures homophobic comments, jokes, etc., being made by unknowing "loved ones." If they choose to see, or react to, him differently, that's their loss, not his.

Sure, some things are best left alone- but some other things, if left alone, can be terminal.

I respect your desire to avoid hurting your parents- just hopefully, not at the cost of hurting your child, no matter how inadverdently.

Best of luck to both of you and your families!


ON EDIT: Just read the last line of your Post 12- looks like you have a firm fix on what should be the bottom line. Congrats on that!