Reply #11: GOP Gene Discovered

[sangh0]

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Scientists in the current issue of the journal NURTURE announced the
discovery that affiliation with the Republican Party is genetically
determined. This caused uproar among
traditionalists who believe it is a chosen lifestyle. Reports of the
gene coding for political conservatism, discovered after a decades
long study of quintuplets in Orange County, CA, has sent shock waves
through the medical, political, and golfing communities.

Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long believed that Republicans'
unnatural disregard for the poor and frequently unconstitutional
tendencies resulted from dysfunctional family dynamics-a remarkably
high percentage of Republicans do
have authoritarian domineering fathers and emotionally distant mothers
who didn't teach them how to be kind and gentle.

Biologists have long suspected that conservatism is inherited. "After
all," said one author of the NURTURE article, "It's quite common for a
Republican to have a brother or sister who is a Republican." The
finding has been greeted with relief by Parents and Friends of
Republicans (PFREP), who sometimes blame themselves for the political
views of otherwise lovable children, family, and un-indicted
co-conspirators.

One mother, a longtime Democrat, wept and clapped her hands in ecstasy
on hearing of the findings."I just knew it was genetic," she said,
seated with her two sons, both avowed Republicans. "My boys would
never freely choose that lifestyle!" When asked what the Republican
lifestyle was, she said, "You can just tell watching their conventions
in Houston and San Diego On TV: the flaming xenophobia, flamboyant
demagogy, disdain for anyone not rich, you know." Both sons had
suspected their Republicanism from an early age but did not confirm it
until they were in college, when they became convinced it wasn't just
a phase they were going through.

The NURTURE article offered no response to the suggestion that the
high incidence of Republicanism among siblings could result from
sharing not only genes but also psychological and emotional attitude
as products of the same parents and family dynamics.

A remaining mystery is why many Democrats admit to having voted
Republican at least once-or often dream or fantasize about doing so.
Polls show that three out of five adult Democrats have had a
Republican experience, although most outgrow teenage experimentation
with Republicanism.

Some Republicans hail the findings as a step toward eliminating
conservophobia. They argue that since Republicans didn't "choose"
their lifestyle any more than someone "chooses" to have a ski-jump
nose, they shouldn't be denied civil rights, which other minorities
enjoy.

If conservatism is not the result of stinginess or orneriness (typical
stereotypes attributed to Republicans) but is something Republicans
can't help, there's no reason why society shouldn't tolerate
Republicans in the military or even high elected office- provided they
don't flaunt their political beliefs.

For many Americans, the discovery opens a window on a different
future. In a few years, gene therapy might eradicate Republicanism
altogether.

But should they be allowed to marry...?