Reply #107: according to the author

[Heddi]

he wasn't 18, he was 21.

I don't know what to think. According to the poster, the girl consented. She was 16, and in most states, that is the age of consent.

However, he was 21...I really honestly don't know.

I have to believe the poster when she says her son wasn't out to victimize. God knows I've known enough guys in High School who were 17 or 18 who dated middle-schoolers and freshmen. I'm sure they had sex, consentually. Do I think that's rape, or child molestation? Not necessarily, and only necessarily depending on the intentions of the older party...and intentions are very hard to prove, if not impossible.

I do know I would feel differently if the son, instead of being 18 or 21, was 24, or 25, or 32...why? I don't know. The age gap says alot. I don't think that many normal relationships come from 32 year olds dating someone half their age. There's a HUGE issue with trust and the potential for someone taking advantage of youth, etc.

I'm personally conflicted with ages of consent. Let's say the age of consent in a particular state is 16 years old. I'm not sure why a girl who's 15 years and 364 days old is unable to give consent, but one day later she's a fully-functioning adult who understands the ramifications of sexual relationships, etc.

Equally, why is someone who's 14 years old and 364 days unable to get a drivers permit because they don't have the maturity and intelligence to do so, but suddenly, a day later when they're 15, they've suddenly grown to fully-rationalizing adults in the span of 24 hours time that has the ability to get a drivers permit and within 30 days, become a fully licensed (although in most states, heavily regulated with regards to when they drive) driver?

I do want to apologize for any rude tone I may have taken with you in this thread. This is a very sensitive issue for me (obviously) and I truly am sorry if I offended you in any way, and I apologize if I misconstrued what you were saying, or what point you were making in some threads which caused me to get a bit heated.

I think you'll find that anyone who's suffered this (either personally, or as a parent or loved one of one who's suffered personally) has alot of emotions involved, and they're very hard to explain to yourself, much less to others, MUCH LESS on a message board where vocal tone and sarcastic remarks don't read like we hear them in our heads as we're typing them out.

I do believe the law, not just in issues of child abuse, but in many issues, is inflexible. I totally dislike the idea of mandatory minimums for ANY Crime--they remove all discretion from the judge. Equally, I think that many judges are still too lenient when handing sentences for those found guilty (or those who plead guilty) to sexual crimes. We've come a long way, but not that far, and rape (to me) is just like murder, in that you live with the trauma and fear FOR EVER. No amount of therapy or whatever can remove that seed of fear that was planted in your head.

I have to go to work now---ugh. Have a good night, and again, I apologize if I was unncessarily harsh in some of the things I said :)