Reply #58: that's true

[CitizenPatriot]

however, the problem arises in that the restraining order is supposed to make it a crime for this person to be within 500 feet of their victim. Without such an order, police can't or won't make an arrest. They "remove" the abuser during their brief visit, and then they leave - the abuser comes back, and attacks the victim.

There aren't good answers right now to the problem. Part of the core problem with dealing with domestic violence through the police is that police don't know whose story to believe when they get called. The woman might have bruises and cuts, but in their mind, she could have put those there herself. Not all police treat the issue that way, but to be fair to them, it's difficult to determine in personal relationships who is at "fault". Furthermore, they can't go arresting people for walking by a victim's house. Hence, the origination of the restraining order, which serves to establish a pattern and gives the police cause to take protective action.

Restraining orders are also not perfect in that the responding police department can choose to ignore them (service issues, etc). I've seen this happen over and over again, even with criminal restraining orders ordered by a judge after a conviction of an abuser.

The only safe way to get out of a really dangerous domestic violence situation is to change your name, move to another state, and stop speaking to your family and friends. I've seen this work, however even this gets harder to do with the internet. And many people are not in the financial or emotional situation to pull that off (they have kids, they have no money, etc). Many victims lose their jobs due to workplace problems caused by the batterer (http://www.aidv-usa.com/Statistics.htm), leaving them even more dependent upon the financial support of the abuser.

The issue all of us, as liberals, should care about is that domestic violence is a leading cause of death for women in this country. Those statistics should wake us all up. This isn't an issue about self-esteem. Battered women increase their risk for murder when they try to escape. It is estimated (by the FBI) that 52% of female murder victims were killed by a current or former partner.

"Domestic Violence is an infection that has weakened the underpinnings of society's structure...a contagion that has ravaged the human spirit for generations." Jane Zeller, Co-director, Silent Witness National Initiative. U.S. Department of Justice Conference: S.T.O.P. Violence Against Women."

The FBI used to calculate that a woman is beaten in this country every 15 seconds while other institutions said it was every 9 seconds. Domestic violence rates are going through the roof right now with the unemployment rates skyrocketing (one of the factors often involved in domestic violence). According to NOW, In 2005, of all the women murdered in the U.S., about one-third were killed by an intimate partner.

DoJ stats:

* Domestic violence is the single most common source of injury to women – it is more common than auto accidents, muggings, and rapes by a stranger combined.
* 97% of the women killed by another family member were killed by their husband.
* More than 4,000 women each year are killed by their partners.
* By age 20, 1 in 3 young women will experience dating violence.

"PRESS RELEASE: NCADV Stands With Rihanna:
"She is not responsible for the violence perpetrated against her."

Now as stories circulate about the couple’s reunion, support for Rihanna seems to be waning even more.

This is unacceptable.

The idea that someone “deserves” to be beaten is intolerable and appalling. Choosing to use violence in response to conflict—and we emphasize that violence is a choice—is the sole responsibility of the abuser. Regardless of the circumstances or other factors of the situation, violence and abuse is never an acceptable response. Rihanna, or any other victim of violence, is not responsible for the violence perpetrated against them, plain and simple.

Rihanna’s rumored reunion with Chris Brown does not in any way mean she “wants to be abused.” Reasons for staying in or returning to an abusive relationship are more complex than a statement about the victim’s strength of character. For most of us, the decision to end a relationship is one of the most difficult we will ever make. A battered woman’s emotional ties to her partner may still be strong, supporting her hope that the violence will end. Also, it is extremely common for battered women to return to their abuser multiple times before she leaves for good. Gaining strength, relinquishing hope, or letting go of someone we love is very hard and takes time even when violence is not present. Supporting victims of domestic violence in their process and understanding the dynamics of domestic violence is vital to their success and survival. To learn more about domestic violence, please visit these links:

Domestic Violence Facts: http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf or www.ncadv.org
Why Doesn’t She Just Leave? http://www.ncadv.org/files/Why%20Doesnt%20She%20Leave.doc
Men and Domestic Violence: www.acalltomen.org "


http://www.ncadv.org/