From the Desk of George W. Bush
August 28, 2001
as told to Rebecca Salcedo

Democratic Underground has been contacted by a high-level "mole" in the White House. The mole, who we shall refer to only as "Brass Mustache," is leaking information to DU operative Rebecca Salcedo... straight from the desk of George W. Bush himself. We plan to bring this information to you on a regular basis.

While skulking around, hunting for that elusive document proving George W. Bush and Peewee Herman are indeed one and the same person, "Brass Mustache" took a right turn, when he should have taken a left, and came upon George W. Bush singing in the shower, badly, to the tune of "Camptown Races."

Although repulsed almost to the point of vomiting, "Brass Mustache" composed himself and recorded George W. Bush's lavatory aria on a convenient roll of toilet paper. One question persisted in "Brass Mustache's" mind throughout the process - will this be George W. Bush's campaign theme in 2004? If it is, it is sure to have Republican and Democrat alike tapping their toes and singing it wherever they go. Note: it is interesting how the rhyme scheme and rhythm become increasingly incoherent, possibly due to Bush reaching the limits of his vocabulary.

What fella loves to drill for oil?
Dub-ya, Dub-ya
Who told Bambi take a hike?
Oh, Dubya did!
Gonna drill all night
Gonna drill all day
Who wants pristine Florida coasts?
Not me, no way!

Who wants guns for everyone?
Dub-ya, Dub-ya
Who says guns are loads of fun?
Oh, Dubya does!
Gonna shoot all night
Gonna shoot all day
Little kids go bang, bang, bang
Bang, dang, dang, bang!

Who loves fryin' folks left and right?
Dub-ya, Dub-ya
Even if their case ain't tight?
Dubya says so!
Gonna fry all night
Gonna fry all day
Maybe guilty, maybe not
Fry, Dubya say!

Who thinks women shouldn't choose?
Dub-ya, Dub-ya
Who tells women thou shalt not!
Oh, Dubya does!
Women get raped
Women may die
Dubya says tough noogy-oggies!
Yes, Dubya does!

Who tells workin' folk you don't count!
Dub-ya, Dub-ya
Who tells rich folk keep your dough!
Dubya, that's who!
Tax the middleclass
Tax the middle class
A token refund shuts their dang traps
Oh, yes it does!

Who says them dang gays can't fight?
Dub-ya, Dub-ya
Who says them dang gays can't marry?
Oh, Dubya does!
They can kiss his butt
They can suck his toe
Who think gays haven't any civil rights?
Dubya, that's who!

Who truly hates them dang Demo-rats?
Dub-ya, Dub-ya
Who tells them dang Demo-rats bite my bum!
Oh, Dubya does!
Gonna make them cry
Gonna make them die
Them dang Demo-rats can kiss my butt and suck my dang toe
OOOHH, Yes they Caaaaan!

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