|
From
the Desk of George W. Bush
September 5, 2001
as told to Rebecca Salcedo
Democratic Underground has been contacted by a high-level
"mole" in the White House. The mole, who we shall
refer to only as "Brass Mustache," is leaking information
to DU operative Rebecca Salcedo... straight from the desk
of George W. Bush himself. We plan to bring this information
to you on a regular basis.
Note from Brass Mustache: The following text was discovered
written on a scratch-pad, under a pile of MAD magazines on
the Oval Office desk:
Ideas for Health Care Reform:
Ah, let’s
see. Dang, this is hard! When I asked Dickie to gimme somethin
to do, I kinda meant somethin like playin ball with the kiddies
on the South Lawn in front of them shutter bugs. Somethin
that makes me look cool and hip. But noooooooo, he makes me
come up with five ideas for Health Care Reform or I get no
supper. Dang! Dang! DICKIE SUCKS!!!!!
Dang, I
forgot. I have to give this paper back to Dickie. Just kiddin,
Dickie, you’re one cool dude, man! Okay,
health care, health care. Somethin that gets them Dang Democrats
off my back.
1. We,
the government, will pay for all sick folks to have free Health
Care.
There! That
should make my approval ratin start goin up! Dang,
I forgot. Dickie said we got no more money cause we spent
it all on that tax cut. Wait,
if we gave folks back all that money why can’t they pay for
their own health care? THAT’S IT!!!
1. We,
the government, grant folks the right to see a doctor when
they’re sick and pay for it themselves.
There’s
one, only four to go! Dang, #1 was so good! How can I top
that? Dang, Dang! Okay,
health care, sick folks. What do sick folks want? A doctor.
I already got that. Okay, what else? OH, I KNOW! When I’m
sick Mommy always gives me a sucker and that always makes
me feel better!
2. We,
the government, will give all —
Oh, wait.
No money. Okay.
2. We,
the government, will let all sick folks buy themselves suckers.
Yeah, two
down! I’m cool. I’m hip. I’m the Daddy!
Now what?
Think, Dubya, think. Health care. Sick folks. What else do
sick folks want? What else. What else! Dang, there’s that
dang brain pain again. I need an aspirin. THAT’S IT!! Medicine!
That’s the ticket! Sick folks need medicine!
We could
make some sort of program to get sick folks medicine. But
we can’t spend no money on it. How can we get sick folks medicine
with no money? Maybe we don’t really have to get them medicine.
Maybe if we just did somethin to make it look like we’re getting
sick folks medicine. But what? Hummmmm.
I know!
A discount card. I remember our old maid, Rosa, had one, so
she could buy food. We could do the same thing only with medicine.
Let’s see, sick folk buy a discount card for — what’s a nice
round number — 25 bucks — and then the pharmacies will give
them — 25% off their medicine!
3. We,
the government, grant sick folks the right to buy a discount
card for 25 bucks.
That’s so
cool! 25 bucks for 25% off. I’ll call it my Quarter-Back Plan!
I love it! I love it! Come on, Dubya, only two more ideas.
You can do it!
Hey, didn’t
I see the other night on the tv how some guy with old-timers
was cured when some preacher woman laid hands on him? Layin
hands on folks doesn’t sound like it can cost very much. We
could make the sick folks have preacher women lay hands on
them. We could call it Faith Based Healin!
4. We,
the government, order sick folks to get Faith Based Healin.
Dang, only
one more idea to go and I can’t think of nothin. Let’s see,
I got doctors, suckers, quarterbacks, and preacher women.
Hey that kinda sounds like that singin group, Men at Work.
Cool! That’s an idea! Maybe we could get a person for each
of my ideas for Health Care Reform and they could form a singin
group. They could go around the country promotin it. Folks
love singing groups! That’s dang brilliant! But I need one
more person. Let’s see, someone not like the others. Someone
really different.
I GOT IT!!
The Executioner! He kills the really sick poor folks!
5. We,
the government, order that all really sick poor folks have
electric current passed through their bodies until they are
dead, God have mercy on their souls.
That’s five!
I’m the Daddy! I’m the Daddy! Time to get me some grub. All
this talk of fryin folks has got my mouth a waterin. Gonna
get me some Bar-B-Q. Heck, all this work? I think I deserve
a special treat! Hey Dickie, una cerveza, por favor!
DUBYA
See
other leaked material
|
