Time with Bob Boudelang
"I Am Back Because I Cannot Be Kept Out of the Library!"
February 21, 2004
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
And so here I am back writing what would be my award-winning column if anyone would of given me one. And there is so much to discuss with all the many triumphs of Our Great President in the passed few weeks.
Jeepers! What American's heart was not just broken with pride at the news that Our Great President wants to go into outer space? And not because we will be rid of him, which is just Mrs. Brown-Rosenfeld's sour grates, but because it will be an exciting adventure "to only go where no man has gone before," like Captain Klerk used to tell Hogan.
And it was not just a way to distract the country from Iraq, which is not a disaster, since our soldiers are still being killed and wounded but only almost as fast as they were last month, so there. Or from the economy, which is going great guns if you do not count jobs. And no, he has not mentioned the trip to Mars since, but that does not mean he has forgot all about it.
But it will be another millstone in exploration, and I am sure no one will mention out loud the astronauts that got killed because the space shuttle is not safe with Bush. No one except a few soreheads, that is, and she knows who I mean.
And then there was the State of the Union which Bush gave. I am sure everybody watched whether they wanted to or not. I myself would of seen it if there had not been basketball on the TV at the Red Bear Lounge, where I am too allowed in but did not choose to go because there was basketball and not the State of the Union.
However, reading about it the next day was almost as good as watching it, and that way I did not have to see the obnoxious protestors there.
It was about time we had a president that he actually spoke out against steroids in professional athletes, as well as wanting teenagers not to have sex but to pee in a cup in schools instead. And I am glad he had the bravery to speak out against gay people getting married, although it is a shame he could not speak out as clearly as that that great American the Reverend Moon has.
It was also great to see George W. stand up under the relentless questioning of Tim Ruffled on Meet Depressed, and I wish I had which I was not hungover and missed, either.
What a shame that Our Great President has to keep getting distracted by this constant uproar about him deserting the Natural Guard, which he certainly did not in any way you can prove but not because the records have been destroyed despite what they say.
It is a real shame that cowards like John Kerry, who cravenly went to Viet Nam for a few months and later complained about it with Jane Fonda, are allowed to go around criticizing Our Great President who bravely served in Texas and Alabama. Even Mrs. Rosenfeld admits he kept the Viet Cong out of Happy Hour, altho I do not know why people laugh when she says that.
And yes, the Economic Report said 2.6 million jobs will be created and now everyone says that was wrong, but that is a goal and not a forecast, or else it is a forecast and not a goal. It all depends on what the meaning of is is. So it would be wrong to hold Our Great President accountable for what it says, since what has gone wrong is all Slick Willy Klintoon's fault in ways that are so obvious that I do not have to tell you what they are.
After all, Our Great President is not a statustician and cannot be counted on to really tell the status of anything. He got his MB of A from Yale, where they teach common sense and not Ivy Tower nonsense like statustics.
And besides not being a statustician, Our Great President does not rail against special interests. I am glad that his people are finely getting this message out. Do we want the kind of president who stands up to special interests and speaks out against them, or do we want George W.?
Enclosing, let me say I am glad that Our Great President will get a chance to unwind by seeing Mel Gibson's new movie about Jesus. And I am sure he will approve of Mel Gibson's father and what he had to say, even if he cannot speak out himself because of the PC brain police.
It is a shame that that the assistant director of Mel's movie got hit by lightning twice and that the guy who plays Jesus got hit by lightning too. But that is probably only one of those wacky coincidences and not a sign, or anything.
And yes, Mel Gibson belongs to a little cult of former Catholics who think born-again Christians like me and George W. are going to hell but he is just wrong and will find out when he gets tossed into a lake of flaming brimstone and poked by devils with pointy sticks for eternity hahahahaha. But that does not mean we cannot all, as people of good will, put aside our petty humdrum differences, and enjoy watching Jesus get tortured by Jews together. Amen.
Bob Boudelang is a Republican Team Leader and is too allowed in the movies. If you want to buy him a ticket to prove it, you can reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.