Time with Bob Boudelang
"People Love Our Great President And The Fire Was Not My Fault!!"
April 24, 2004
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
For one thing, the war against the anti-Iraqi Iraqis in Iraq could hardly be going better, if you don't count the cover-up about Americans dying over there, and the cover-up about the money for Afghanistan getting diverted to Iraq, and the cover-up about how much money is actually going to be needed in Iraq, and the cover-up about the money getting stolen in Iraq.
And yes, it does appear that drafting Americans may be necessary because not enough young Republicans are joining the military to fight for the cause Our Great President has explained so well. But then the young Republicans everywhere are busy promoting tolerance, healing the riffed between the races, and helping others learn the value of honest debate, and so it is important other less important Americans go off and die, and not just because they are not rich white kids like the Young Republicans. Gee wiz! Why does everything have to be racism for some people? Do we not have enough PC thought police-ism in the world already? I ask you?
And not only are things going so well overseas, but so is Our Great President's plan to attack the envirowhackos by pretending to be one on Earth Day every year. Fortunately real Americans are not fooled and know what George W. stands for.
And it was exciting to see that Dick Cheney went to the convention of the NR of A, where the happy gun owners urged people to vote for George W.
I was excited to go to the library this week where they cannot keep me out despite the smell and read an exciting column by Peggy Noonan, who was Our Great Speechwriter to Our Greatest Ever President Ronald Reagan who could too think for himself but hired her instead.
Peggy Noonan told an inspiring story about a man whose bread basket caught on fire and he stamped it out which proved that ordinary Americans do not mind that Our Great President ignores memos saying Bin Laden will strike. After all, "this is a hard country to defend" George W. said, and that was as true when he was young and in the National Guard as when he was on vacation in August 2001.
By the way let us not forget that back then when his country needed him George W. Bush bravely joined the Texas National Guard (where you cannot prove he went AWOL) but John Kerry ran and hid in Viet Nam.
Anyway, I was excited to hear that setting people's bread baskets on fire would keep them from worrying when Our Great President is unable to answer a easy question which it was unfair he did not get it in writing beforehand. So I decided to try it out.
I hitchhiked to the local Country Club which it was having a formal dinner and went in the back entrance and got a busboy jacket. However I was distressed to see they had only little bitty candles in big glasses, that was difficult to "tip over" accidentally into the bread basket, even after two or three attempts.
So I used a highway flare. Despite what you may have heard, that man's car trunk WAS just sitting there wide open, and I do not know where the tennis racket or gym bag got to.
Well, the results were disappointing to say the lease. I suspect most of the people there were socialist Democraps and raving moderates, because instead of sitting there imperturbably continuing their narratives about why George W. should of invaded Iraq instead of having child safety seats, and quietly stepping on the flames with their large soft shoes, people began waving their arms and screaming when I threw the highway flare into the bread basket.
One old guy knocked the burning bread basket and the highway flare across the room where the bread basket caught a tablecloth on fire and the highway flare caught the drapes on fire and then there was lots of running and shouting, and I thought I would get out before there was any trouble.
So as you can tell, the fire was really not my fault but the old guy who knocked the bread basket and the highway flare across the room's fault, and I blame him for whatever heart attack and smoke inhalation that followed, if there was any. I wish Peggy Noonan could of been there to see it.
And the irony was that the bread had raisins and was very good, if anyone had stopped the LIEberal hysteria for a moment to see.
So to sum up, let us stay the course, whatever it is, and let us not begrudge it another measle $700 billion or so or the lives of somebody else's kids. And let us not panic because the breadbasket of America is going up in flames. That is just life in George W. Bush's America. Deal with it.
Bob Boudelang is a Republican Team Leader, and if anyone asks you have not seen him. By the way if you would like to buy a black calfskin leather bag or a tennis racket, contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org. Cash only. [an error occurred while processing this directive]