Equal Time with Bob Boudelang
"Hooray! Hooray! The Polls Are Better
In Iraq Than Here At Home Due To Our Great President!"
September 25, 2004
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
I guess it is all over now and John Kerry might as well pack his
bags and go back to Viet Nam. Our Great President has held a press
conference with the Prime Minister of Iraq, Dr. Hellawi to let America
know how the cakewalk
is going. And it is going just fine if you do not count the killings
and the bombings and beheadings and stuff, which no-one should.
Really. I mean it. You might as well not have an election, just
like some of Iraq will not.
And really why does Iraq even need an election when things are
going so good? As Our Great President said,
"I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was
better than here in America." And he would not make such a thing
Let me tell you this, when more people in a war-torn third world
country like Iraq think Iraq is on the right track than people here
in the U of S think America is on the right track, that is a special
kind of leadership by a President like no other in history. I hope
everyone who reads this takes those words to heart.
And despite what Mrs. Brown-Rosenfeld says, they do not think they
are on the right track over there because they expect
to win since the Commander in Chief here is an incompetent imbecile.
It is disgraceful to hear LIEberals say such things out loud and
not get beaten up or worse. What a shame that some people want democracy
here to undermine the democracy that they have in Iraq, where Prime
Minister Hellawi already knows he will win the election, no matter
what fraction ends up voting.
If only we had that system here!
Our Great President said about Iraq, "It is tough work. Everybody
in America knows that, and the fundamental question is, are we going
to allow the tough work to cause us to retreat, to waver?" And yes,
the answer is, we will retreat and waver
with honor, as Superb Secretary of Defensive Donald Rumfilled says.
"Any implication that that place has to be peaceful and perfect
before we can reduce coalition and U.S. forces, I think, would obviously
be unwise, because it's never been peaceful and perfect, and it
isn't likely to be," he said.
And given the massacre that has taken place there, who can argue?
After all, in looking through my scrapbooks of golden memories,
I find that back at the beginning of the year Donald Rumfilled (who
is not about to get fired, so stop saying that) said "And each month
that goes by, already we've gone from zero to about 200,000
Iraqi security forces."
But clearly the few suiciders and the handful of terrorists have
killed more than half of those brave fighting men, because yesterday
George W. said, "Nearly 100,000
fully trained and equipped Iraqi soldiers, police officers and other
security personnel are working today."
That must have been an inspiring battle to wipe out half of the
Iraqis like that. I am sure it was another Custard's Last Stand
and perhaps it explains why that Iraqi guy Chalabi does not seem
to be mentioned in the stories from Iraq any more. So clearly we
are better off getting out with the job half done, before the Iraqi
army is ambushed again and only a few
thousand brave soldiers remain.
I am sorry that great victory in which the Iraqi army lost got
so little coverage in our running dog LIEberal yellow lackey media
press, which was too busy making a fuss over the Muslin terrorist
Calf Stevens. Yes, he got thrown out of the country hahahahaha,
and maybe it will give him time to think up a name for that horse
in his song.
It is a shame some people who will go nameless (but whose initials
are Mrs. Brown Rosenfeld) do not look at all the successes
Our Great Attorney General John "The Eagle is Sore" Ashcroft is
having. Instead, she wines "Where is Osama? Where is the anthrax
killer? Who is sending those letter
bombs to 15 of the nationšs governors?"
Well, I will cut some cheese to go with that! It would serve her
right if Calf Stevens and whichever half of Sheets and Chong is
in prison were still on the loose. But they are not, and America
is safer, thanks to Our Great President. And no, Calf Stevens is
not in prison, but he should be, and that is the point.
So let us not get caught up in trivia, like how much money Our
Great Homely Secretary of Security Tom Ridge is making while handing
or who is taking $1 billion in healthcare money away from sick
kids and focus on important issues, like how liberals will ban
the Bible and how funny John Kerry looks wind-surfing. And remember
to support Our Great President, who says "I think it's very important
for the American president to mean what he says. That's why I understand
that the enemy could misread what I say; that's why I try to be
as clearly as I can. I don't want them to be emboldened by any confusion
Could the choice be clearer for America? John Kerry, who wants
the enemies of our country to be confused and doubtful, or Our Great
That is why I have my new hairdo. Where ever I go, I run into people
who laugh in agreement. Some even point, impressed with the fanatical
devotion of myself, and I'm sure convinced to vote for a man who
could inspire it. Amen.
Bob Boudelang is a Republican Team Leader who hopes someday Our
Great President could be as popular here as he is in Iraq. He (Bob,
not Our Great President) can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Read Bob's Other Rebuttals