Time with Bob Boudelang
"Who Is Not Proud of Halliburton's Turkey in Iraq?"
December 6, 2003
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
Boy o boy! I would sure hate to be a DemonCrap this month, with nothing but gloomy thoughts of tolerance and progress. Instead of sitting in a tin trailer with no electricity or heat while Mrs. Brown-Rosenfeld's son throws snowballs at the side (and I know it IS him) though, I am proud to be a Republican team leader and part of the Bush economic miracle.
After I lost all my money at the track last week on Stewball, who fell down at the clubhouse turn and turned out to of got the wrong drug, Shifty Lenny who is a great American patriot and almost as honest as Our Great President felt bad for me. To make it up he got me a part time job at Namib's Jolly Holiday House of Merry Xmas Tree Lot which is downtown under the 15th street overpass for now (Our motto is "If anyone asks to see a permit, run!").
Namib is a Swarthy-American who will not tell me where he is from but I bet it is a good Arab country like Saudi Arabia which shall go nameless as George W. wishes.
He got a really great deal on Xmas trees someplace that due to some raving enviro-whacko hysteria about toxic dumping would otherwise have gone to waste. They are really great trees that come in festive holiday colors like mostly green, blue, and silver gray. Namib handles all the money matters and all I have to do is actually touch the trees.
Best of all, the job is all off the books and so I do not have to put up with the tyranny of some government bureaucrat forcing me to take minimum wage.
Another reason I would hate to be a Democrap is that they do not have a great leader like Our Great President who flew to Bagdad on Thanksgiving Day! And yes, he flew there in secret and left almost immediately without getting near any of the people he liberated in Iraq. But I am sure that was because he did not want to have a big embarassing celebration with roses being thrown and all and not at all because he is chicken and hated by everybody over there. So stop saying that!
As Our Great President says, "Either we fight the terrorists over there, or we fight them here." And no one wants to fight terrorists here, least of all Our Great Attorney General John AshKKKroft, or Our Homely Secretary of Security Tom Ridge, since the two people who got arrested are white. Especially because here at home they are not terrorists but patriots of the sort that go to gun shows and join the Natural Rifle Association. Racist is such an ugly word, so let's not mention it. So there is no reason to have a big round up like we did of people with dark skin after September 11. Got it?
The soldiers in Iraq were happy to see Our Great President and you cannot prove it was beccause they had been ordered to. Together he and the soldiers enjoyed a Thanksgiving dinner, which he enjoyed not eating.
And yes, the beautiful turkey he was carrying around was only a prop supplied by Halliburton, but it is not like they were trying to hide that after the cover-up fell apart. In fact, I think they should be proud it is Halliburton's turkey. That certainly shows that those people are just wrong who complain about the billions Halliburton is getting in Iraq for nobody knows what.
And no, the soldiers could not have any of that turkey to eat, but so what? As Mary Magdelin said, "This was effective, because it captured something about the president that people know is true, that he really cares about the soldiers and gets emotional when he sees them." And that is not because officers can command them to hold still and not ask questions, so there.
Mrs. Brown-Rosenfeld said "So that means both turkeys came from Halliburton" and then would not have the decency to explain what she meant to me. But something tells me it was not a compliment for Our Great President. But she is just sore.
She also would not buy me a "Did I just see Air Force One?" button, which the Republicans made up ahead of time and were selling. And yes, the story about who said that has changed, but they are probably just confused at the White House since British Airways keeps denying one of their pilots said it. But that does not mean you can prove that Our Great President is lying again, so please do not even try and I mean it.
So since I could not get that button I was going to have a printer make up a button with a picture of Our Great President that says "Halliburton's Turkey" for myself but did you know it costs almost as much to make up one button as it does to make up 500? And while I know there would be at least 500 people reading this who would be proud to wear a button like that in public, it seemed like a lot of money. So instead I cut a picture out of the newspaper and wrote it on myself and pinned it to my coat. Wala! Another problem solved, just as if George W. had done it himself.
When Namib saw the picture he laughed out loud with delight. He asked me to walk up and down the front of the lot shouting "Buy a tree from a war veteran who was shot in the head!" I told him I had been shot in the ass by friendly fire while Ronald Reagan and me was saving America from the bloodthirsty tyrants of Grenada. But he said that I should say "head" as it sounded more dignified and would explain a lot.
So come by Namib's Jolly Holiday House of Merry Xmas Tree Lot and show your support for Our Great President by buying a tree without shaking it too much and making the needles and bark fall off. And do not say anything when you hear me yell I was shot in the head. It will be our little secret. Parumparumpum!
Bob Boudelang is a Republican Team Leader who would have been happy and proud not to get any of the turkey that Our Great President was walking around with on Thanksgiving too. Write him at firstname.lastname@example.org and he will save you one of the trees that do not smell funny.
Read Bob's Other Rebuttals
© Democratic Underground, LLC