Time with Bob Boudelang
"Make Big Money on the Free Market With Terrorism! Thatís The Bush Miracle!"
August 1, 2003
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
Of all the jenius moves Our Great President George W. Bush has made since taking office, such as (editor, I will put the jenius moves in here before you put this on the internet so do not worry), this week he has made the most jenius-y of them all, if not the smartest thing any president ever did. I am talking of course about the Terrorism Futures market he and Emeril Poindexter set up so that rich people could bet that there would be terrorism in the future. Then they would turn around and create jobs just like they did with their tax cuts which they will start doing any day now I am sure.
The proof that it was a good idea was that the Democrap Socialists shut it down so quickly, by pointing out in public that it existed. Did they not realize how much it would help rich investors when terrorists struck again? But now instead the DemocRATS persist with their gloomy message of progress and diversity, instead of helping the truly deserving wealthy.
And despite what Mrs. Brown Rosenfeld says, they did not come up with this idea because Homely Secretary of Security Tom Ridge and Our Great Attorney General John "The Eagle is Sore" Ashcroft and Our Great President are too incompetent to stop terrorists and so they thought they might as well cash in while they could. I wish she would stop saying things like that which would only be giving aid and comfort to Saddam, if he was hanging around the Daisyview Trailer Park. Which I would not put past him. It is as bad as Communist Canada here.
I was hoping that it would not stop there, but that they would let the average guy on the street with his humdrum life in on it, perhaps with "scratch off" terrorism lottery tickets, where you could win money if you matched up three "Tony Blair gets blown up"s or something. Then everybody would be happy, accept Tony Blair, I guess, and I am sure he would see the bigger picture after the smoke cleared.
But do Democraps ever think of the average Joe in the street when they do things like keep rich people from betting that terrorists will succeed? No, of course not. And now poor Emeril Poindexter has lost his job, or will sometime in the coming weeks. And who will hire him, since he is a convicted felon? Whatever happened to LIEberal compassion? Hippocrits, that is what all liberals are.
Another way Demoncrats are screwing us average joes is insisting that Our Great President NOT cut back on air marshals at the same time that there is more hijackings expected. Now we will be on the hook for expensive hotel rooms with those little bottles of shampoo just because some selfish people do not understand the nature of risk. Do they not realize that those hotel bills come out of the taxpayers pockets? If we splurge for wasteful things like airline security, the next thing you know we run the risk of higher taxes on wealthy people.
But that does not matter to firebrant liberals and moderates, who ruthlessly mentioned these things in public and forced Our Great President to back down in public. Which does not mean he was trying to hide anything.
Just like Our Great President was not hiding anything when he put 28 blank pages that did not say anything about Saudi Arabia in the report on 9/11 that did not say anything about Saudi Arabia. Those pages were blank for a very good reason that nobody needs to know, least of all anyone who would ask questions about Saudi Arabia.
And what could be more proof of that than the ambassador from Saudi Arabia flying to America to order Our Great President to release the 28 pages, which George W. bravely refused to do. Would he have refused if he had anything to hide? You cannot prove that.
Yes, as Mrs. Brown Rosenfeld pointed out, the ambassador from Saudi Arabia would not care if George W. goes to jail, but it is unfair and partisan to mention that out loud.
But who did not breath a sly of relief when George W. bravely accepted responsibility for 16 of the words in his State of the Union speech? Now at last all of the controversy can be covered up and we can forget about Iraq and whether Bush lied and got soldiers killed for nothing. And after all, Oosy and Goosy (or whatever the hell their names were) are still dead, and combat is still over, except for the bombings and killings. Mission Accomplished!
And soon Saddam will be killed and patriotic Americans will have pictures of his dead body to gloat over on the Internet! Who would of guessed in January, 2001, that our country would be seeing this sort of progress in just two and a half short years? And it is all thanks to Our Great President, who is not an incompetent and crooked drunk, so stop saying that!
Bob Boudelang is proud to be a Republican Team Leader and can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.