Time with Bob Boudelang
"Who Is Not Proud of Halliburton's Turkey in Iraq?"
December 6, 2003
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
o boy! I would sure hate to be a DemonCrap this month, with
nothing but gloomy thoughts of tolerance and progress. Instead
of sitting in a tin trailer with no electricity or heat while
Mrs. Brown-Rosenfeld's son throws snowballs at the side (and
I know it IS him) though, I am proud to be a Republican team
leader and part of the Bush economic miracle.
After I lost all my money at the track last week on Stewball,
who fell down at the clubhouse turn and turned out to of got
the wrong drug, Shifty Lenny who is a great American patriot
and almost as honest as Our Great President felt bad for me.
To make it up he got me a part time job at Namib's Jolly Holiday
House of Merry Xmas Tree Lot which is downtown under the 15th
street overpass for now (Our motto is "If anyone asks to see
a permit, run!").
Namib is a Swarthy-American who will not tell me where he
is from but I bet it is a good Arab country like Saudi Arabia
which shall go nameless
as George W. wishes.
He got a really great deal on Xmas trees someplace that due
to some raving enviro-whacko hysteria about toxic dumping
would otherwise have gone to waste. They are really great
trees that come in festive holiday colors like mostly green,
blue, and silver gray. Namib handles all the money matters
and all I have to do is actually touch the trees.
Best of all, the job is all off the books and so I do not
have to put up with the tyranny of some government bureaucrat
forcing me to take minimum wage.
Another reason I would hate to be a Democrap is that they
do not have a great leader like Our Great President who flew
to Bagdad on Thanksgiving Day! And yes, he flew there in secret
and left almost immediately without getting near any of the
people he liberated in Iraq. But I am sure that was because
he did not want to have a big embarassing celebration with
roses being thrown and all and not at all because he is chicken
and hated by everybody over there. So stop saying that!
As Our Great President says, "Either we fight the terrorists
over there, or we fight them here." And no one wants to fight
here, least of all Our Great Attorney General John AshKKKroft,
or Our Homely Secretary of Security Tom Ridge, since the two
people who got arrested are white. Especially because here
at home they are not terrorists but patriots of the sort that
go to gun shows and join the Natural Rifle Association. Racist
is such an ugly word, so let's not mention it. So there is
no reason to have a big round up like we did of people with
dark skin after September 11. Got it?
The soldiers in Iraq were happy to see Our Great President
and you cannot prove it was beccause they had been ordered
to. Together he and the soldiers enjoyed a Thanksgiving dinner,
which he enjoyed not eating.
And yes, the beautiful turkey he was carrying around was
only a prop
supplied by Halliburton, but it is not like they were trying
to hide that after the cover-up fell apart. In fact, I think
they should be proud it is Halliburton's
turkey. That certainly shows that those people are just
wrong who complain about the billions Halliburton is getting
in Iraq for nobody knows what.
And no, the soldiers could not have any of that turkey to
eat, but so what? As Mary Magdelin said, "This was effective,
because it captured something about the president that people
know is true, that he really cares about the soldiers and
gets emotional when he sees them." And that is not because
officers can command them to hold still and not ask questions,
Mrs. Brown-Rosenfeld said "So that means both turkeys came
from Halliburton" and then would not have the decency to explain
what she meant to me. But something tells me it was not a
compliment for Our Great President. But she is just sore.
She also would not buy me a "Did I just see Air Force One?"
button, which the Republicans made up ahead of time and were
selling. And yes, the story
about who said that has changed, but they are probably just
confused at the White House since British Airways keeps denying
one of their pilots said it. But that does not mean you can
prove that Our Great President is lying again, so please do
not even try and I mean it.
So since I could not get that button I was going to have
a printer make up a button with a picture of Our Great President
that says "Halliburton's Turkey" for myself but did you know
it costs almost as much to make up one button as it does to
make up 500? And while I know there would be at least 500
people reading this who would be proud to wear a button like
that in public, it seemed like a lot of money. So instead
I cut a picture out of the newspaper and wrote it on myself
and pinned it to my coat. Wala! Another problem solved, just
as if George W. had done it himself.
When Namib saw the picture he laughed out loud with delight.
He asked me to walk up and down the front of the lot shouting
"Buy a tree from a war veteran who was shot in the head!"
I told him I had been shot in the ass by friendly fire while
Ronald Reagan and me was saving America from the bloodthirsty
tyrants of Grenada. But he said that I should say "head" as
it sounded more dignified and would explain a lot.
So come by Namib's Jolly Holiday House of Merry Xmas Tree
Lot and show your support for Our Great President by buying
a tree without shaking it too much and making the needles
and bark fall off. And do not say anything when you hear me
yell I was shot in the head. It will be our little secret.
Bob Boudelang is a Republican Team Leader who would have been
happy and proud not to get any of the turkey that Our Great
President was walking around with on Thanksgiving too. Write
him at firstname.lastname@example.org
and he will save you one of the trees that do not smell funny.
Bob's Other Rebuttals