Time with Bob Boudelang
"The Blackout and The Bombing and Death Could Not Interrupt
the Vacation of Our Great President, All Right! "
August 23, 2003
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
out those crazy crazy crazy days of summer," Martin Luther
King Cole once sang and who does not have that old song ringing
through his head day and night this August, even when he is
trying to sleep and the cats are yowling and the savage watchdog
Cujo is yapping and kids are throwing rocks at the trailer
that is hot as hell even at night??
It makes you glad to know that Our Great President George
W. Bush is off on his 35-day vacation, that not even the blackout
or the bombing and killing was worth interrupting. Instead
he looks relaxed and played golf even when he knew the UN
building was blown up, which was not his fault in any way
even though he was warned ahead of time.
Nor was the blackout the fault of Our Great President. Yes,
he said the blackout was a wake-up call, but that does mean
he was asleep. Instead it means that Dick Cheney was right
to hold those secret meetings behind closed doors with people
who cannot be identified, and not because they had anything
to hide. Do not LIEberals and moderates see that we must drill
for oil in the Artic Natural Wildlife Reserve so that caribou
can never again cause a blackout?
George W. said, "Of course, we will have time to look at
it and determine whether or not our grid needs to be modernized.
I happen to think it does, and have said so all along." And
I am sure he is not lying even though no one can remember
him saying that before.
And yes, it began with FirstEnergy in Ohio, which gave millions
to Our Great President, and yes, FirstEnergy also lied
about how much money it had made and ignored a hole in its
nuclear reactor. But gee wiz! Nobody is perfect. Are you so
sure you do not have a hole in your nuclear reactor? Next
you will tell us that the president and CEO of First Energy
who made $7 million
last year did not need a big tax cut for his family to buy
back to school supplies and the like.
And while no one knows the exact cause of the blackout (which
was certainly not mismanagement and deregulation) we do know
that it was not terrorists, even if they say
it was. Our Homely Secretary of Security Tom Ridge (who is
not an incompetent buffoon) has been busy all these months
drawing up the important color alert chart and warning us
all to buy duck tape. He cannot be expected to take care of
every measly little thing like electricity. There is no reason
to panic and ask what he has done with the money he spent.
Meanwile, what a triumph in Iraq (if you do not count all
the soldiers getting killed and wounded). We have captured
Chemical Alley, who we only had killed
in April. But that does not mean Our Secretary of Defensive
Donald Rumfilled was lying when he said back then that Chemical
Alley was dead. I am sure it was British intelligence or something.
Which speaking of which, it is absolutely true that that
British scientist said that if Iraq was invaded he would be
found dead in the woods and then he was found dead
in the woods, but I am sure that is just a coincidence
or something. Still, it is not like they have mentioned Our
Great President even once yet at the trial, so do not think
I could go on and on about all the other Republican triumphs
like the successful roadmap for peace in Israel, or all the
forest fires out west, or the great job Our Great Attorney
General John Ashcroft is doing keeping the Bill of Rights
Great Attorney General (who is not a dangerous lunatic who
thinks he is being attacked by an invisible demon) John Ashcroft
But I wish I could report that the crazy crazy crazy days
of summer were as triumphy for me as they are for George W.
Some of us have to work with fishguts in the heat while some
go on vacation for 35 days, and there is no use crying about
it. One of the windows in my trailer is rusted shut, and the
other has no screen and so the cats will get in. The tin is
generally too hot to touch after sitting in the sun all day
anyway, so I sit on the cinder block out front when I get
home. Some times Mrs. Brown Rosenfeld turns the garden hose
on me which I ought to complain about but it feels good.
Sadly, the other day I was recreating the Mission Accomplished
aircraft carrier landing with My Great Little George W. Bush
Action Figure and thinking about how we did not have to worry
about Iraq or terrorism anymore since then, when Mrs. Brown
Rosenfeld came out. "Are you not ashamed of yourself, a grown
man playing with dollies?" she said.
"It is not a dolly but an action figure," I explained.
"Yeah. The George W. Bush action figure—put a nickel up its
ass and watch it dance," she said.
Well, I was going to explain to her that she was a Saddam
appeaser who ought to be beaten up for saying that in public
if her son who drives a truck was not right there but her
vicious watchdog Cujo seized Our Great Toy President in his
savage jaws and ran off. I could not find it until the next
day, and then his little head was even more chewed up than
last time and there was some kind of horrible stain that smelled
funny on his flightsuit.
Which does not help me sleep, as if I could with kids throwing
rocks and all this noise. But I have faith in Our Great President
and I know that he will prevail (and you will not be able
to prove Jeb was involved again). Amen.
Bob Boudelang is a Republican team leader who would feel a
lot better if he could sleep even an hour without some kind
of god dam hullaballoo outside. If you knew who threw that
string of firecrackers under the trailer at midnight please
e-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org
but I think I know and it wasn’t Osama Ben Ladin no matter
what Secret Service Agent Brown says.
Bob's Other Rebuttals