Time with Bob Boudelang
Cannot Keep Me Or Our Great President Who Is Not A Murdering
Psychopath Either Down So There!"
June 27, 2003
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
bet you are as surprised as me to find I am back again with
my intelligent and witty column which would be award winning
except for no one has give me one yet. I must admit you could
of knocked me over with a ton of lead when I came back to
the Daisyview Trailer Park just as if I had never left, only
As you remember, I was going to spread the word about Our
Great President and tour this great nation of his and was
not just running away from the cops.
The next day I hitchhiked to a nother city where I got a
job sweeping the floor at the Mighty Muffin. It was a place
run by a woman of the Lesbo-American persuasion named Linda
Rooney and her special friend Maureen who was also a Lesbiansexual
who went the other way if you know what I mean.
And they had a very mean dog named Petey that did not like
me. I could only sweep the front when it was out for a walk.
As good Americans you will be shocked to find that the Mighty
Muffin was a hothead of UnAmerican activity such as poetry
and art. People who were types, if you know what I mean, would
put up subversive pictures making fun of Our Great President,
who was not drunk when he fell off that scooter that no one
could fall off of. And yes, he was on vacation again, but
he has a lot to think about and is in title to relax once
in a while even if soldiers are dying in Iraq and the weapons
of mass distraction are not found.
After all, it was not George Bush who put those soldiers
there. He did not want war but was forced into it by all those
Democrats who announced they supported what he wanted to do.
And when I complained about them being socialists who appeased
Saddam and should be put into Gitmo, they told me to shut
up and keep working.
And the nasty things they said out loud! They called George
W. a murdering psychopath who lied about why we went to war,
and said he was an unelected drunk who should be in jail.
And they would not respect my freedom of speech when I tried
to shut them up from speaking out like that!
When they heard on Natural Public Radio that Arnold Schwartzenabor
said he would love to be governor of California, Marge said
"Yeah, and I would love to stink at my job and get $20 million
for it anyway." And everyone in the coffee house, who were
eating stuff with bran and the like, would laugh.
Well, they would be laughing out of the other side of their
necks if we were attacked by killer futuristic robots from
the future. It would serve them right if that happened and
Arnold just said "Haspa lo vispa" like he does baby.
But Arnold will not but will step right up and serve as the
governor of California as soon as us Republicans overturn
the election which Gray Red Davis cheated in by winning. That
is unless it is the guy behind the recall, who you cannot
prove actually stole
that car, gets picked instead. Either way, it will be
another victory over democracy for the GOP! So there!
After all, as Donald Rumfilled pointed out, Hitler
was elected, which is why it is a good idea to bypass
elections altogether as the Republicans want. Wa-La!
And speaking of the guy in California who was only prosecuted
for a car thief, once again we see that the Republican party
is the party of personal responsibility, as that guy is saying
his brother was personally responsible.
One day at the Mighty Muffin when I was not goofing off I
was very excited to read in the New York Times that everybody
knows is dishonest a fine column
by Thomas Friedman (who is probably a Jew but still seems
as good as those of us who are saved). He explained that even
though there was no evidence that Iraq had anything to do
with September 11, a terrorism bubble had emerged in the Middle
of the East and it was important that we punture it to show
that we are as nuts as any suicide bomber anywhere. So Our
Great President was a jenius after all for being decisive
and taking action and not a bloodthirsty nut who lied about
why we went to war, so stop saying that.
Sadly some muddy-headed LIEberals do not seem to have grasped
this suttle point. I know this first hand because when I got
back to the rooming house I discovered a candy bar stealing
bubble had emerged, with the O Henry I did not steal missing
from where I had put it. (Yes, it was in someone elsešs room
but that is what made it such an in jenius hiding place!)
immediately took action by going out and kicking blind old
Mrs. Henderson down the stairs, just as George W. would of
And what do you think? Instead of being haled as a hero,
I was chased out of the rooming house and some cowardly socialists
even punched me even though I am a veteran of Grenada with
a bad back who was wounded from friendly fire in the buttocks.
Is there anything that could show the hippocracy of the radical
leftists better than that? But I bet that even if I had been
allowed back in no one would of stolen anymore candy bars.
But instead I ended up having to sleep in an abandoned car
in the street.
I was so angry that I sat down and wrote a letter to Our
Great President Himself:
Dear "President" Bush:
Here is what the people here say: You are a murdering
psychopath, and you invaded Iraq to steal its oil. But I
say it was more like kicking a elderly blind woman down
the stairs to punture a bubble.
Do not worry you will get what is coming to you all
right! Beware of the Mighty Muffin!
So he would not worry, I wrote "This is not anthrax" on the
A few days later, who should show up at the Mighty Muffin
but my good friend Secret Service Agent Brown, who was en
rage to hear all that I had found out since I got there and
hustled me to his car. We agreed that the cover story would
be that he was bringing me back to the Daisyview Trailer Park
so he could keep an eye on subversives from there where it
was more convenient. ("Now that things are going my way I
am not going to uproot my life again for some raving god dam
lunatic" he said.) And we agreed we could keep it a secret
if any body asked, so do not tell anyone.
So now I am back here, and he is keeping a close eye on Mrs.
Rosenfeld in Las Vegas where they went away to. However, he
still will not give me a gun. But cheer up, things could get
worse, and he may change his mind yet. At least that is what
I am hoping, and no one can prove any different! On to Syria!
(unless we go to Iran instead!)
Bob Boudelang is a Republican team leader who should of got
that job replacing Ari Fleischer unless it involved heavy
lifting and working weekends. You can reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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