Time with Bob Boudelang
"Hooray For Strom Thurmond, The Hero of Right Wingers Like Me Who You Cannot Prove Are Bigots!!"
December 6, 2002
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
It is about time that all of America celebrated what a great white person Strom Thurmond has been now that it is his 100th birthday and he still seems to be alive. I think his birthday should be made a public holiday, so there! After all, the black people have had the Martin Luther King holiday for tolerance and it is about time we had one for the opposite!
That is only justice. After all, we are talking about the man who proved that Harry Truman integrated the Armed Forces because Truman was a communist. Who can forget how bravely this great Senator fillibustered for 47 days just to keep Negroes from voting? Later he knocked down another Senator to keep him from oppressing white people by voting for civil rights. That is a fighter to be proud of!
Just a few years ago, all of America was excited to see him ring his little bell to impeach Slick Willie Klintoon. How happy and awake he looked! And I am sure he did not smell too bad, either. Yes, Slick Willy was not thrown in jail do to a legal technicality (He has relied all his life on legal technicalities like "no evidence of wrongdoing) but that was not Strom Thurmond's fault.
In his career, he has cast more than 15,000 votes, and you cannot prove all of them were "No." And unlike radical "do something" Congresspersonalities like sHrillary or Dasshole, he has never sponsored any laws that anyone knows of. That is conservatism in action, doing nothing!
Contrast that with the ordasity of LIEberalism! Just the other day, Senator Kerry had the nerve to suggest that a tax break be given to workers instead of the rich people! Does he not see the Bush economic miracle breaking out like a fever all around him? Does he not realize that if million dollar inheritances are taxed again, we run the risk of sliding back to things as they were before George W. was named president?
Besides, Kerry has expensive haircuts. So there!
Meanwhile who is not proud that instead of the Democraps tired old ideas and washed-up losers like Mondale and Lautenburg, the Republicans can offer exciting new dynamos like Henry Kissinger? He will do an excellent job making sure that the probe into the September 11 attacks will not get bogged down into irrelevant side issues like the warning memos Our Great President covered up, or why there were only four fighter planes on the East Coast, or the Bush family being in business with the Bin Ladens. Instead it will focus on what we can learn about future attacks and why they will be Bill Clintoon's fault.
It is disgusting to see some people calling Henry Kissinger a war criminal just because he is wanted by four countries. Yes, he helped overthrow the govenrment in Chile and murder their ambassador here, but that was a long time ago and I am sure you will not be able to prove he would do it again.
Meanwhile, could there be any better demonstration of how untrustworthy Muslins are than the announcement by Alkaheeda that they would strike us again? "Oh American people, you are the victim of your leaders, but you are also a partner in the war on us. The gift for the holiday is on its way," they said. Could there be any better proof that they are ignorant savages? Do they not know that they have been margarinealized by Our Great President? Do they not know that Our Homely Director of Security Tom Ridge, who has not been fired yet, has said we are only at Yellow Alert?
The world has moved on, but these backward primitive camel jockeys do not understand. They are so "last year" as the cool kids say. Now the only war that matters is our upcoming War with Sodom Husane where we are not stealing oil but liberating the Iraq people by dropping bombs on them.
It is just like our jenius president says, "They hate our freedom." And why not? Every day we are becoming more free. Now, for example, American citizens are free to get killed by the CIA without a trial or any other inconvenience if Our Great President says so secretly. Back when our Four Fathers wrote the Constitution they would scarcely of thought of changes like that!
There is no question every American had a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving thanks to George W. Federal workers did not get raises, unemployed people will lose their benefits at Christmastime, and right wingers will get big raises for being right wing. It is sure different than the dreary years of peace and prosperity that the Dumbocrats gave us.
Thank goodness the country has had enough of their dictatorial attempts at progress and tolerance. An example of their meddling ways is that Mrs. Rosenfeld put a plate of turkey and sweet potatoes and stuffing and gravy and corn outside my trailer on Thanksgiving Day without asking me did I want it or not. A conservative would never of done that, and we all know it too.
Give a man a fish and he will eat fish, but teach a man to fish and he will eat even more fish (and never worry about cancer from the pollution since that is just treehugging ecowhacko hysteria junk science). Not that I had a fish, but Mrs. Rosenfeld did not know that.
In fact, I am getting sick of fish, not to mention cats, and it is horrible to report that although Mrs. Rosenfeldıs vicious watchdog Cujo will not let me on the porch he will not chase away those cats that follow me everywhere either. They would of ate my turkey if Mrs. Rosenfeld's son had not turned the hose on them earlier in the day.
However, I am thinking of leaving the fish market in search of brighter horizons of hope and promise, and am glad to report that thanks to the Bush economic miracle I got a part-time job at the CheapMart store as Santa Claus for this holiday season and maybe longer. I cannot wait to see the little tykes' grimy faces as I tell them about Our Great President and what they can look forward to if they grow up.
Ho ho ho!
Bob Boudelang is a Republican Team Leader who is easily mistaken for Kris Krinkle, especially at CheapMart. You can send him your Christmas wish at firstname.lastname@example.org.