Time with Bob Boudelang
"September 11 is A Time To Reflect on the Day Which Was Not Bush's Fault In Any Way So Stop Saying That!"
September 6, 2002
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
Now is the time for all patriotic Americans to think back to that moment a year ago when George W. Bush hit his lucky trifecta and the country changed for ever. We Republicans still get a chuckle out of that.
It is sad to remark though, that some people in this country refuse to patriotically knuckle under to everything Our Great President says and instead insist upon asking questions. But what can you do? And you know who you are.
Instead of celebrating, these people irrationally and not logically at all complain about George W. Bush instead of focusing on the real enemies of this country: Liberals.
They complain about George W. Bush because he was business partners with the Bin Laden family, although that was years ago and you cannot prove it.
They complain about George W. Bush because his father put Osama Bin Laden in the terrorism business, although that was against Russians and had nothing to do with anything else.
They complain about George W. Bush because he did not follow threw with the Klintoon plans against Bin Laden although that was not because he made a deal with Osama but because those plans just contained Alkaheeda.
They complain about George W. Bush because he did not improve American security when the Hart-Rudman committee told him to. Instead he gave the problem to Our Great Vice President Dick Cheney to study, not knowing that Dick Cheney was busy meeting with people on the energy problem which you cannot prove was Kennyboy Lay or that George knew. So do not try.
They complain about George W. Bush because he did not do anything when he got those warning memos in August last year except cover them up, which was the sensible thing to do. Besides it is not as if they told him exactly what was going to happen, although that is not the reason they are being kept secret.
Besides, did you expect him to interrupt his month of vacation just because there might have been a traditional hijacking as Concertina Rice said?
They complain about George W. Bush because there were only four fighter planes guarding the entire East Coast in September, which is just a coincidence.
They complain about George W. Bush because he sat reading "The Hungry Ugly Caterpiller" to kids all that morning instead of doing something about the attacks. Imagine! Did they want the kids to not know the end of the story? He is not the educationalistic president for nothing, you know. As he said just the other day to kids, "If you don't have any ambitions, the minimum-wage job isn't going to get you to where you want to get, for example. In other words, what is your ambitions? And oh, by the way, if that is your ambition, here's what it's going to take to achieve it."
Those words inspired me so much that I went out and got a job and not just because the unemployment people made me. And because I know what my ambitions is, I am not discouraged that it is for minimum wage. Sure, I am sweeping up the hair in Mr. Munchino's barbershop now, but that is only temporary. I expect bigger things any day.
I have even more Slander than Ann Coulter, and look how good she is doing, after all.
What else do these unpatriotic Americans complain about?
They complain about George W. Bush because he let the Bin Laden family members fly back to Saudi Arabia before law enforcement people could witch hump them for September 11. But that is just good diplomacy with our good friends Saudi Arabia.
They complain about George W. Bush because he went to Nebraska on the day of the attacks and disappeared for hours. However he wasn't hiding because he was afraid but only to be safe. And yes, the story about him personally being a target turned out to be a lie, but it could have been true and that is almost as good.
They complain about George W. Bush because he did not worry about the silly Constitution but just rounded up people and is holding them without trial. Imagine that! What is more important? A few old words written on some sort of scroll, or doing something so people think that George Bush is taking action? And so what if it turns out nobody important has been grabbed? The point is, they could be. You do not know, and will not if Our Great Attorney General John Ashcroft, who is not a dangerous nut, has his way.
The terrorists hate us because we are free, George Bush has told us. Well, getting rid of that freedom will solve the problem of people hating us, the way getting rid of the forests will solve the problem of forest fires. Wala!
Speaking of Our Great Attorney General John Ashcroft, who is not a dangerous nut, they complain because he upholded terrorists' second amendment rights when the FBI tried to check if they had guns. As if guns had anything to do with terrorism.
They complain about George W. Bush because he opposed having unionized airport security. As you know the evil DemocrRATS insisted on professional airport screeners anyway and Tom Dasshole passed the bill with a partisan 99-0 vote. However, Our Great President outfoxed Osama Bin Daschle by hiring the same people who had failed to provide security before, and even dropping the requirement for a high school diploma! So there!
They complain about George W. Bush because he appointed Our Great Homely Director of Security Tom Ridge who was not a national joke even if everybody laughed about the Color Warning system. Yes, he spent $38 billion and no-one can say on what, but at least now if we ever have a red alert it will be red and not puce or avocado.
They complain about George W. Bush because he only agreed to have a Homely Cabinet Secretary of Security when the cover-up that he had been warned about attacks fell apart. But Our Great President is a uniter and not a divider, and when he saw the whole country was thinking about the hearings describing why the FBI refused to get a warrant, he took the opportunity. What is so dumb about that I ask you? It is what I would do myself.
They complain about George W. Bush because he vetoed $5 billion to pay for firefighter training and radios. But $5 billion here and $5 billion there, and soon we run the very real risk of rich people being asked to pay taxes. Then it will be as if the terrorists have won, but not because the anthrax guy is in cahoots.
They complain about George W. Bush because he said "Osama Bin Laden - dead or alive." Well now Osama is, but some people with small minds who are stuck in the past keep asking "Where's Osama?" and "What's going on in Afghanistan?" instead of focusing on the next big war. Donald Rumfilled did not wait to find out who attacked us, because he knew it was a good excuse to have another war with Sodom Husane.
They complain about George W. Bush because he has stopped any public investigation into September 11. Well, so what? It is not like the media and Democrats haven't dug up enough in public already.
They complain about George W. Bush because he has said he will veto the Homely Cabinet Secretary of Security Bill unless he can bust the unions. But what would happen if it is passed and then Sodom threatens to launch his weapons of mass distraction unless those workers lose their co-pay for prescriptions? Do not laugh, it could happen, and then we would all be laughing out of the other side of our necks.
They complain about George W. Bush and they complain about George W. Bush but the real truth is, they would complain about whatever George W. Bush does and not because he is corrupt or incompetent or a drunk. It is because he is a real American who is beloved by little people and millionaires alike everywhere. It is like that movie Arthur, only Our Great President is not British and they are jealous.
And so that is why we good Americans will all get together this September 11, which Our Great President has named Patriots Day (and yes, April 19th is already called Patriots Day but that is different), and not remember all these things to blame George W. Bush for but think instead about how much we hate Muslins. At least that is what I hope.
Bob Boudelang is a Republican team leader who is not just goofing off when he is sitting in the alley behind the barber shop but is strategizing against the liberal politics of personal destruction and I wish you would tell Mr. Munchino that. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.