Democratic Underground

Equal Time with Bob Boudelang
"Thank God (Even If Liberals Try To Stop It) That Our Great President Can Still Poop!
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July 12, 2002
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot

In the interests of fairness and impartiality, we've decided that conservatives should have a voice on this website. So here he is - Bob Boudelang, American Patriot,with this week's rebuttal...

What patriotic American's heart did not skip a beat when he heard that Our Great President had to have his bottom examined by doctors? Not un-American Democrap socialist liberals like Mrs. Rosenfeld at the Daisyview Trailer Park, I can tell you that.

It was a historic occasion when Our Great President dropped his pants and Our Great Vice President Dick Cheney took charge of things. Thank God (no matter what that liberal court says) that tragedy was averted. Not that Dick Cheney being in charge is a tragedy, but you know what I mean.

I was sure that Fox News Network would have moment by moment coverage of the inspection, with perhaps Bill O'Reilly himself reporting right by the President's Bottom, but Mrs. Rosenfeld would not let me watch her television. I tried to tell her that Bush's bottom was a matter of national importance, and that all true patriots were concerned that he would not be able to poop properly if something was wrong, and she made a remark about the President you would blush to hear.

Of course I was not surprised that LIEberal tolerance was just a sham of a mockery and that she had no sympathy for Our Great President's First Rectum. But I did not threaten her, no matter what she told her son. She sicced her vicious dog on me for no reason at all.

Of course, the President's Great Bottom was okay and now he can poop again. I was so glad that I spent all of Sunday shouting "George Bush" and "Poop" at the bus terminal, in case there were travelers who had not heard the happy news. Some laughed aloud in delight to hear it.

Sadly, the treachery of LIEberals knows no bounds, and somebody who was probably Mrs. Rosenfeld's son threw a firecracker under my trailer on July 4th when I was sleeping and not passed out drunk. That is how these rumors get started. I suppose some people think it is funny to make an injured war veteran panic and run around screaming about terrorists without any pants and then turn the garden hose on him.

They will be sorry when the Homeland Security Department is established and Tom Ridge (who is not fired yet) rules with an iron hand. Some of us do not forget. Tempus fidgit, unless that means something else.

And really, who is fooled by the latest smokescreen about George W. when he was a successful businessman at Harken Industries? I guess since the DemocRats have no real issues except the environment and public safety and public education and race relations and worker safety and human rights and cheaper drugs for old people, they have to grasp at straws like business honesty. Desperation is an ugly thing, and I think we all can see it.

I mean really? Sure, Harken pretended to sell Aloha Petroleum to its own executives so it wouldn't look like they were losing money and sure, George W. sold his stock when he found out they were going to announce that Harken was going to lose money before the price would go down. But it is not like anyone knew that at the time. And he did file the form that said he might sell the stock even if he didn't file the form that said he did sell the stock.

Do you want the kind of leader who pays attention to details? Or do we want a leader like our Great President? I ask you.

Besides, he needed to sell the stock so he could have collateral to borrow the $600,000 to buy $12 million dollars worth of the Texas Rangers baseball club. Besides this was all thoroughly investigated at the time by the guy who helped arrange that Texas Rangers loan, and who was more likely to know if there was anything wrong than an insider? It makes common sense to anyone with half a mind like me.

And yes, our Great President's health care policy was drawn up by the guy from Merck who turned out to have lied about $12.4 billion that his company never got. And yes, it turns out that meat packers went on selling contaminated meat because the Department of Agriculture Inspectors failed to do anything when they caught them. And yes, the head of WorldCom began lying about how much money he was making in January 2001, and Enron began allegedly abusing the miracle of deregulation about the same time, which you cannot prove wasn't Ann Richards.

But you know who is responsible for all that? Slick Willie Clintoon, that's who. If he had not got a blow job, business would still be as honest as it was during the administration of Our Great Father of the President, if you don't count the Savings & Loans getting swindled out of business.

I am sure that all of these crooked CEOs said to themselves, "If the president can get a blow job and not get thrown in jail, then I can persuade honest hardworking Republican congressmen to change the rules so I can steal from investors and lie on my accounting documents and move my assets over to some overseas place where I can avoid the tyranny of taxes which is a good thing that will end entitlements to old people and public school kids who are a drag on society." That is why I blame the Democrats and not poor gullible idealists like Tom DeLay and Phil Gramm.

That is why it was so inspiring watching Our Great President laying down the law to the tight ends of Wall Street the other day. They were excited to hear that Honest George W. was putting together a swat team headed by someone who used to work for Enron's law firm, and I am sure that the team will give those dishonest CEOs a good swat.

Meanwhile, who is not inspired by the prospect of having Doctor Cremona as our next Surgeon General? Not only did he finally qualify as a doctor, but he has also shot two different criminals. It is about time we had a Surgeon General who shoots people instead of namby-pamby intellectuals who obsess about tobacco, and safe sex, and public health and other junk science. And so what if he lied about having emergency room experience? He only did that because he knew that was important. Besides, it is not like he lied about anything important, such as who he got a blow job from.

Finally, let us all give a vote of thanks to the great job George W. has done reforming the INS. Yes, they let the September 11th hijackers in and even renewed some of their visas. But when a princess of Saudi Arabia was threatened with a felony just because she pushed her lazy maid down a flight of steps, they sprang into action and kept the maid from getting back into the country to testify at the trial. That is justice, George W. style! Hip hip hooray, and let's all be glad he can poop.

 
Bob Boudelang is a respected Republican team leader and wounded war veteran in the bottom due to friendly fire in Grenada and not a drunk so there was no call to embarrass him like that. He can be reached at bobboudelang@yahoo.com, or come down to the bus terminal and listen.

 

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