Time with Bob Boudelang
"George W. Is A Xmas Present For Us All, Even
if His Face Is Rotting Off. Ho! Ho! Ho!"
December 21, 2001
by Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
In the interests of fairness and impartiality, we've decided
that conservatives should have a voice on this website. So
here he is - Bob Boudelang, American Patriot, with this week's
Ho! Ho! Ho! You lousy Democrap socialists! What could be more in the spirit of
Xmas than our great President Bush (who was too elected since
votes don't count) rounding up disloyal people at home and
fighting the overseas war on terrorism (which is not a failure,
so don't even think about saying that) abroad in Afghanistan?
As it says in the Bible, "Keep Quiet, or get hit with a Big
Yes, George W. has failed to catch Bin Laden, and Chic Omar,
and the Talleyrand and Alkaheeda have mostly gotten away but
that is not his fault. After all, Afghanistan has a brand
new government we gave them, headed by the guy we almost killed
the other day, and he does too believe that was just an accident.
Nor is it President Bush's fault that there are lots of civilian
casualties there now to ignore. It is Clintoon's fault, even
if I cannot tell you how. But you know it is too, or else
he would not be guilty. Yet there are no charges. Slick Willie
has relied all his life on legal technicalities like "no evidence
of wrongdoing" and "no charges," and this time is no different.
But he will not escape justice forever, unless he does.
As George W, said the other day, "There's no - I don't have
a calendar that says, 'Gosh, if he's not gotten by this certain
moment, then I'll be disappointed.'" What could be clearer?
I was going to go out and get a calendar and write "Gosh,
if he's not gotten by this certain moment, then I'll be disappointed."
on every single day and hang it on my locker at the bus station
for him as a Xmas present, just to remind certain people of
how wise our Great President is, but it would not fit. George
W. must have very teeny tiny handwriting, which is a mark
of jenius or something.
He is a great Xtian patriot and not a drunk, and so is his
lovely wife, who only killed that one guy. You cannot prove
that was murder. No wonder everyone loves him and will do
anything he says, which is why no-one is complaining that
he has locked up the White House to keep everyone out. They
know he is not hiding because he is afraid, but only to be
safe. Dick Cheney too, who is not hiding from Congress like
the Enron executives. Stop saying that.
And whose blood was not boiling when they saw the Bin Laden
videotape which you cannot prove is a fake? Mine was not,
because Mr. Padnavatham wanted to watch Calling All Cooks
instead. But still.
Mr. Padnavatham is still annoyed about his spatulas being
missing, which Arjay told me I could take, so I did not argue.
I still wanted to beat up an Arab or other swarthy immigrant,
though, in the spirit of the holidays.
It is time you DemocRats and moderates stopped standing on
the sidelines hypocritically backing our President while thinking
criticism to yourselves, and got in the game, as they say.
I was very excited to see our Homely Director of Security
Tom Ridge is still issuing alerts left and right every day,
only more so. Now I see he is going to be offering a system
so we all can rank them from "ignore" to "panic." It is a
great idea, and I immediately wrote to help on behalf of all
the part time janitorial consultants at bus stations all around
My idea was that Homely Director Ridge should keep on telling
the country that we were on alert without knowing why, but
that he should put different colored handkerchiefs in his
coat pocket. Then we part time janitorial consultants could
have the same colored handkerchiefs at each bus station and
that way people would know to themselves whether to go on
with their every day humdrum lives or get their assault rifles
and head to the woods, while it would still be a secret to
Wala! as the French say.
The only problem with that, which Secret Service Agent Brown
pointed out when we had a long talk the other day, is that
not everyone in America goes to bus stations week after week
like he does. He seems very discouraged with all his extra
responsibility. You would not believe it, but evidently at
the same time I mailed my suggestion to Homely Director Ridge,
some cowardly LIEberal sent him a death threat. Good thing
I wrote "No anthrax!" on the envelope so Homely Director Ridge
could tell the difference.
I am glad I am able to cheer up Secret Service Agent Brown
and often he sits shaking his head in admiration after we
have our talks. I told him I would keep working on a plan,
and he laughed out loud in excitement.
Meanwhile whose heart did not stop a beat when they heard
the terrible news that George W. had parts of his face cut
off? I think years from today we will all remember exactly
where we were when we finally heard the announcement that
they had stopped covering it up. I was here. Where were you,
not that I am suspicious?
I was going to ask Reverend Cloyd how a just and kind God,
who made terrorists attack America to repay us for Gayo Americans
and choice, could strike Rush Limbaugh deaf and make George
W.'s face rot off, but he is not returning my phone calls
since the church blew up, which was not my fault. And I know
he was home but he would not answer the doorbell, either.
And did you see that Charles Swab gets taxpayer money for
his duck hunting preserve? That is the Bush economic miracle
in action, all right, and good for wholesome shooting sports
too, which is the fundamental right of every American, and
I am sure Charles Swab will let anyone at all hunt there.
I would go myself if I still had my guns, which were confiscated
by the local "police" just because a few streetlights were
shot out in the defense of freedom. Charles Swab and I could
be good friends, if he only knew it.
But not all is good news. Sadly, the constant drumstick of
criticism and hysteria from so called ethical "scientists"
and envirowhackos has worn down our great President. The other
day, as I was cleaning out the trash cans, I found this
story in the ultra-left wing whacko New York Times:
What a tragedy for America, and for the good patriotic Americans
like me who have been eating ant paste all along in support
of the Bush plan. Now I am out almost seven dollars, not counting
the Ritz crackers, and for what? I am not bitter, though.
I could be though, dammit. Now important research could be
hamboned, and I do not get easy money, just for the "cause"
of public safety and ethics.
The strange thing is, now that there is no money in it, I
still have a craving for ant paste, which really did not taste
that bad and had no real bad side effects you could prove.
The dizzy spells and vomiting could come from anything, and
you know it.
But it is Xmas, so let us not be filled with hatred and rage
for the sick tree-hugging health nuts and eco-crazies who
are working to destroy this great country and its oil companies.
Nor for Osama Bin Dasshole and his Democratic Talleyrand
who is refusing to give us economic simulace by giving honest
corporations like Enron a ten-year tax refund.
Nor for the ugly "civil rights" commission who are refusing
to let George W. put only good black people on there who will
not cause trouble or do anything.
Nor for the gun-grabbers who are attacking our good Attorney
General because he is more concerned about protecting suspects'
Second Amendment rights than in chasing down phony anthrax
Nor for the inside the beltloops special interests who selfishly
keep carping on the unemployed and the homeless instead of
more tax cuts and subsidies for corporations.
Instead let us think about our national Xmas present, George
W., who has given us a great war (which is not a failure and
you cannot prove that) and this thriving economy, and a secret
get-rid-of-Social-Security commission, and a secret energy
commission, and a company-friendly Securities and Exchange
Commission, and less civil liberties, and more secrecy, and
fewer intrusive ecology and health rules, and powerful taxbreaks
for honest hard-working people like Charles Swab and Ken Lay,
all wrapped up in a big red bow. And I hope he will continue
to do so for many years, even if his whole face rots off.
Boudelang is a Patriotic American who wishes you a Merry Xmas,
even if you are a Godless Democrap Socialist who ought to
be shot for that unpatriotic "Peace on Earth" crap.
Bob's other rebuttals