Time with Bob Boudelang
"Our Great Leader Is An Inspiration To Us All
And The Fire Was Not My Fault"
December 7, 2001
by Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
In the interests of fairness and impartiality, we've decided
that conservatives should have a voice on this website. So
here he is - Bob Boudelang, American Patriot, with this week's
What a week of triumph and tragedy for this great nation
and our Great President, here and at home. Who did not see
George W. say "There's one terrible pilot" on T and V, who
did not think the exact same thing? (I did not, because Mr.
Padnavatham wanted to watch some Indian movie, but still.)
Yes, George Bush is staying home from the Pearl Harbor ceremonies
and has locked the White House doors, but that is not because
he is afraid. He is just doing that to be safe.
In Afghanistan, we accidentally dropped a bomb on ourselves,
but nobody is perfect. And yes, we did wound the guy who is
the head of the new provisional Afghanistaniard government
on his first day, but do not worry. He was not killed, and
I am sure he knows it could happen to anybody, especially
since they are all swarthy. We did not do it on purpose because
he wants UN peacekeepers and we do not, and he will too believe
that. Do those people over there seem like the kind of folks
who would hold a grudge?
And who is not proud of the job John Ashcroft is doing? He
is finally putting soldiers and helicopters along the border
with Canada to save us from Canadian terrorists who try to
impose their free health care system on us. And when the FBI
storm troopers tried to look at gun records, he stopped them.
After all, just because a person is a suspected terrorist
does not mean he does not have rights under the Second Amendment,
people! The rights that suspected terrorists do not have are
under the Sixth Amendment. In addition, moreover, you cannot
prove the National Rifle Association had anything to do with
The Attorney General of us all (so stop saying that) also
arrested the guy who attacked Planned Parenthood after the
people at Kinko's turned him in. I am sure John Ashcroft will
throw the booklet at him, as he definitely went overboard.
But it is easy to get carried away in the "war" against terrorists
and choice. That is why our wise president Bush is threatening
to veto the anti-terrorism bill, because the Democrat-Socialists
actually want to spend money to fight terrorists. Dubya knows
that we should not pay just any price, bear just any burden,
or meet any hardship at all in order to assure the survival
and the success of liberty. Otherwise our tax cut is in jeopardy
and we run the risk of not refunding those ten years worth
of corporate income taxes.
And we have another red alert from our Homely Director of
Security Tom Ridge, although we do not know from what or who
or when or how or where. Still, now we have an alert, so watch
out. America needs more lerts.
Let me ask out loud to you, when will this constant witch
hunt and hate campaign over Enron and George W start so it
can be stopped? Yes, Ken Lay sold all his stock before the
news came out, and yes, his executives took $55 million for
themselves before bankruptcy. Good God! It is only common
sense - do you think the Captain of the Titanic went down
with his ship when the iceberg attacked it? No, he dressed
up like a woman and snuck in a lifeboat, like any sensible
So what if all the other workers lost their pension? They
knew what they were doing when they took the jobs and got
pensions out of stock. The stock market intales risk, people,
and not everyone could be as smart as Ken Lay was and sell
all their stock before August. Besides, even if Enron had
not stopped the employees from selling their stock at the
same time, you have no proof they would have sold it all,
since they did not know about the fraud, not that there was
any. It is all smoking mirrors, and Dick Cheney had nothing
to do with Enron and vice-a-verse-a, as the French say. It
will all come out in the hearings which would be unfair to
our great Vice President.
Do we have to harp on every little scandal instead of complaining
that Bill Clinton should have done more to stop the attacks?
Everyone knows the attacks are his fault, especially since
George W. and us Republicans kept mentioning out loud how
weak and unprepared we were, all last year.
Also it was Strom Thurmond's birthday, and what real American
was not thrilled to see he could still actually move and blink?
His birthday should be a national holiday if for no other
reason than the way he proved Harry Truman was a communist
for integrating the armed forces. After all, the black people
have a holiday for Martin Luther King. But did Martin Luther
King ever knock down another senator to keep him from voting
for civil rights like Strom Thurmond did? Arrest my case!
He is a symbol of American conservative-ism at its best,
even if he cannot stand up and smells funny.
This was an especially event-filled week here at home in
America, especially last Sunday. Reverend Cloyd had read somewhere
about a wonderful appearance that great American hero Colonel
Oliver North (who is not a Nazi nut and stop saying that!)
had made at a church. He had appeared with Inspector Widget
and McGrub the crime dog and other great Americans to fight
a Mexican guy who represented evil, I think the clipping said.
Reverend Cloyd wanted to do the same thing at our church,
but when he found out what Colonel North charges for a personal
appearance he asked me to help instead. (He knows I would
do anything to help this great country of ours for $20.) I
originally wanted to play Colonel North, but Reverend Cloyd
said he was getting the Commander from the American Legion
instead. He asked me to be evil.
I was very disappointed, as Colonel North has always been
one of my idles since he was not selling arms to our enemies
in the Middle East, which was another DemoCrap lie. But I
was willing to be evil for religion and patriotism, and I
did not get drunk either, despite what you might have heard.
That was ant paste they smelled afterwards.
The day before the event, I had a great idea. Everyone knows
it is Muslins and not white people who are evil, and besides
Arjay, Mr. Padnavatham's nephew, owes me a favor from when
I lent him my guns so he could shoot out streetlights until
the fascist LIEberal Gestapo confiscated them. Arjay is lost
in the darkness of a Hindu, which is almost as bad as being
Muslin, and he is also black, although not like a real black
person. Arjay was on suspension again from Herbert Hoover
High, so he had time to help plan. He wanted half of what
I was getting, but instead I offered to share what I had bought
with the $20 with him (and it is none of your business what
I bought, so stop saying that. Warehouse Liquors has other
things on sale besides alcohol.) That way I could be Inspector
Gadget and McGrub, while Arjay could be Mexican evil.
I thought I would surprise Reverend Cloyd so I did not mention
my plan. I also thought some fireworks would help, which I
now admit was a mistake on my part, but let me asketh you
this, who among us has not cast the first stone?
So on Sunday afternoon, just as the Commander of the American
Legion began his patriotic speech (Colonel North would have
done better), I lit the fuse and came out from where I was
hidden. I had a nifty costume I had made out of an old raincoat
and hat I found in a trash can at the bus station, and I had
gotten a bunch of kitchen gadgets like spatulas and the like
out of Mr. Padnavatham's trailer to hold in my hands (and
no, I did not steal them, socialist smarty-pants. Arjay said
it was all right).
That covered the Inspector Widget part, but I had trouble
with the McGrub part. I was hoping to find a dog mask somewhere,
but I could not, so I put socks over my ears and shouted "Bow
Wow!" Another problem solved, just as if our Great President
George Bush would have done it.
That part went very well. Even the Commander of the American
Legion was impressed as I walked down the church aisle shouting
"Bow Wow! I am McGrub too!" and clanking the spatulas, and
stopped talking to admire me. One of the socks fell off, but
I fixed it by shouting "Bow Wow! I still have two ears! Bow
The problem began with Arjay, who I am sorry to say is an
ignorant foreigner even though he was born here. Reverend
Cloyd was coming down the aisle to congratulate me when Arjay
ran in wearing a ski mask. Did he not know that it is Swedes
and other squareheads who ski, and not Muslins who live in
Arjay accidentally knocked Reverend Cloyd down and squirted
the church-goers with his water pistol that just looks like
a Tec-9 (this is why more people should join the NRA, so they
would know their firearms). People took it the wrong way and
just then the fireworks went off, and what with the explosions
and the screaming I could not explain that we were just doing
what Colonel North did, only not as well.
I was so embarrassed by Arjay's bad costume and childish
antics that I pretended I did not know who he was afterwards,
nor also how the fireworks got into the loft. (And I was not
arrested, just held over night. So there!) Accidents will
happen. However, the volunteer fire fighters who arrived almost
in time to save the church were every bit as brave as the
ones in New York City, but do we see celebrities like George
cLoony lining up to organize a charity for them so Bill O'Reilly
can attack it? It makes you think, doesn't it? I know it does
Boudelang is a brave American patriot like Oliver North who
is not a Nazi and has two ears. He really meant to return
those spatulas and Arjay got away so it is just unfair that
he cannot see Fox News anymore.
Bob's other rebuttals