October 14, 2005
Compiled by Delilah Boyd, A
Who told you the truth about WMDs? How many Americans want to
impeach George W. Bush? Who are the Top Five Crazies among us? We're
waiting for the second what of Jesus? Okay, this test isn't nearly
as exhilarating as the "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade"
ordeal where only the penitent man may pass - thwack! It won't even
hurt your GPA. But it was inspired by bloggers who ask far better
questions and analyze BushCo antics better than all but a scant
few professional journalists.
So sit up straight, and keep your eyes to the front. There will
be no talking whatsoever.
I Suppose We Could Have A Bake Sale
1. Who commissioned the recent Bush Impeachment poll, in which
a majority of Americans supported impeachment if George W. lied
A. The Mainstream Media
2. What does it take to commission such polls?
A. A whole shitload of money
B. The integrity of the polling organizations.
C. Congressional oversight.
Check your answers at Daily
Paging Dr. Kevorkian!
3. Name the Top Five Crazies among us. (Choose five from the
Rev. James Dobson
Rev. Sun Myung Moon
Check your answers at Mellow.
And you know I'm just kidding about paging the good doctor, don't
you, Agent Mike?
He'll Huff and He'll Puff!
Read the following and answer the question:
Rep. Tom DeLay said District Attorney Ronnie
Earle, who is prosecuting him for trying to involve
corporate money in Texas politics, has taken such
contributions himself. "It's real interesting
he has this crusade against corporate funds. He
took corporate funds, and he's taken union funds,
for his own re-election. That's against the law,"
Mr. DeLay told The Washington Times yesterday.
4. Is taking corporate and/or union contributions against the
A. Yes. Tom DeLay wouldn't lie!
B. No, provided that such contributions are used solely for
Now, read this fundraising appeal from DeLay's TRMPAC and answer
"Unlike other organizations, your corporate contribution
to TRMPAC will be put to productive use ... Rather
than just paying for overhead, your support will
fund a series of productive and innovative activities
designed to increase our level of engagement in
the political arena."
5. Who's the lying snake-in-the-Texas-grass?
A. District Attorney Ronnie Earle
B. Tom DeLay (aka Lying Snake-In-The-Texas-Grass)
6. Who has the best research skills and demonstrates a genuine
thirst for the truth?
A. The Washington Times
B. Any lefty blogger
Check your answers at The
Let's hear it for
Non-Political Counter-Protests Rallies!
7. Why is the right-wing suddenly calling for "non-political"
rallies, when nothing is more political than questions about war
A. Because Republicans have the same problem people who
sell multi-level-marketing schemes have - the language they use
to justify their actions is not credible.
B. Because Republicans can't use the White House's talking-points
- they've been discredited.
C. Because Republicans can't use patriotic language - it's
been co-opted by the peace-marchers.
D. The fear of 9/11 no longer blinds Americans to the real
costs of the Iraqi War.
E. All of the above
Check your answer at one of the best blogs on the net, Brainshrub.com.
While you're there, check out some of Brainshrub's archived posts.
This blog is definitely bookmark worthy!
What Did He Know, And When Did He Know It?
8. Did Jim/Jeff Guckert/Gannon really have access to the famous
internal government Plame/Wilson memo, now known to have been shared
on Air Force One?
A. Yes. His sexual contacts, er, "journalistic" tentacles
dig (cough) deep into the current Bush White House.
C. No, JJ/GG is a used-condom-faced liar. I suspect plagiarism.
9. If there's a plagiarist at the heart of the JJ/GG "Wilson
Interview" story, who is it?
A. Jim/Jeff Guckert/Gannon
B. David S. Cloud (Wall St Journal)
Check your answers at Why
Are We Back In Iraq?, Susan
G.'s Daily Diary, and - if you must - the original
story and JJ/GG comments at (cough) Free Republic.
When Breaking News Is A Rerun
Read the passage and answer the questions:
What Rove is reported to have said, according
to (Murray) Waas' article, is "he had not disclosed
to anyone in the press that Valerie Plame, the
wife of an administration critic, was a CIA employee...."
Rove also reportedly told the Preznit that he
hadn't done any leaking to the media in order
to discredit Joe Wilson. Let's parse this, shall
we? It may be true that Rove did not expressly
tell members of the press or others that "Valerie
Plame" was a CIA employee. (We're getting into
the "definition of is is" territory here, so bear
with me...) What Rove actually said was that Wilson's
wife worked at the CIA (according to Matt Cooper
at Time, anyway). See the enormous difference?
No? Yeah, me neither.
10. What's the difference between revealing a CIA operative's
name and revealing her identity?
A. A lot.
B. No difference under the law.
11. Who's put two and two together once again on this "RoveSpeak"
A. Mainstream media
Check your answers at Firedoglake
and at my blog, A
Scrivener's Lament. Then, just for fun, read James
Wolcott's post, "The
Fucking Indiana Jones of Dust Bunnies," about Judy Miller's
delusional Rovian Scooter adventures behind bars, which rival Jimmy/Jeff's
"talent" for fiction.
Who's Been Borking Harriet Miers?
12. Match the quote with its source:
Source Choices: Robert Bork; Sam Brownback; Pat Buchanan;
Charles Krauthammer; John Kerry; Ted Kennedy; Hillary Clinton; Howard
A. _____ Ms. Miers has "no experience with constitutional
law whatever. It is wrong for W. to choose a justice simply to have
a woman's perspective. Conservative reaction veers between disapproval
B. _____ "It would be futile for the very decent lady to
compete with John Roberts's masterly performance because that would
be like following Elvis."
C. _____ "Conservatives are agonized, depressed, and virtually
D. _____ "If Harriet Miers were not a crony of the president
of the United States, her nomination to the Supreme Court would
be a joke, as it would have occurred to no one else to nominate
Check your answers at NewYork-legal-attorney-lawyer.com,
yet another New York Times Select back door. Prepare to be as shocked
as Claude Rains was in Casablanca. I definitely experienced a true
"Claude Rains Moment" when I read that blog post!
The Hoax And The Hair-Shirted Mayor
13. What's worse?
A. Crying wolf
B. Continuing to cry wolf after BushCo backs off... because
you're facing a tough re-election campaign.
Check your answer at Desert
Now, read the following and answer more questions on the New
York terror hoax:
The terror alert against New York's subway system,
which was given to New York mayor Bloomberg over
the first weekend this month and then held at
the request of the federal government until last
Thursday, was a hoax. Both the FBI and the DHS
thought the threat was questionable, even though
it was the CIA and the Pentagon that gathered
the information from the Iraqi informant in the
first place. A local TV news station had the information
on Tuesday, the 4th, but held it at the request
of federal officials until Thursday.
14. Who put the Keystone Kops in charge of threat assessment?
A. That's one of Rumsfeld's "unknown unknowables."
B. George W. Bush, the Bart Simpson of presidents.
15. Did the feds order a hold on the story in order to check
A. Please. Are you kidding? After a string of bad news
stories, timing was their only concern.
B. Of course! The Bush administration genuinely cares about
Check your answers at The
Left Coaster. And remember, Bloomberg's bump in poll
numbers occurred before most major news outlets reported the hoax
confirmation. Now, who's going to commi$$ion a new poll?
Wag The Dog
16. Write a distasteful, inappropriate caption for this photo:
Compare your answer to Brain
Fodder's. By the way, this is another great blog
worthy of repeat visits!
Waiting For The Second What Of Jesus?
17. Was the name First United Methodist Church of Cumming,
Georgia already taken?
B. No, they're just pop culture ignorant.
18. Why are these young people laughing?
A. They know what's what.
B. The photographer told them to smile.
Check your answer at Adam's
Crappy Attempt or at the church's website, cummingfirst.com.
14-18: You know way too much for your own good! I suggest
varying your daily routine and developing multiple routes to and
from home. The government probably considers you "a person of interest."
My advice: avoid small planes like the plague. Speaking of plague,
a food taster wouldn't be a bad idea, either.
6-13: Don't you just hate it when friends, family, and
co-workers tell you about a news story or BushCo fuck-up that's
more than three hours old? My advice: just smile and open another
0-5: Welcome, Freeper lurkers! Believe it or not, there
are over 17,000,000 bloggers out there, most of whom aren't spending
each waking moment kissing George W.'s ass. My advice: read a few.
You might be glad you did. After all - like Indiana Jones' father
- aren't we all seeking illumination?
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