Is Fascism Really All That Bad?
May 21, 2005
By Mark Drolette
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all that’s been written about Newsweak’s agreement to now let the
Bushies vet its reporting in the wake of the magazine’s article
about Guantanamo Bay interrogators’ rather rude treatment of the
Quran, a particular piece
by Terence Hunt of the Associated Press about the whole unholy affair
caught my widened orb. After carefully unsnagging it, I focused
it as well as I could on a few quotes that were real eye-poppers
(as if that’s what I needed at the moment). To (nit)wit:
Hunt quotes Scott McClellan, White House press secretary, thusly:
“The report had real consequences. People [in Afghanistan]
have lost their lives. Our image abroad has been damaged. There
are some who are opposed to the United States and what we stand
for who have sought to exploit this allegation. It will take work
to undo what can be undone.”
You know, I think McClellan is the only guy almost alive who could
make me miss Ari Fleischer. Each is a bald-faced liar, but watching
Scotty-boy dissemble for the administration makes it all the more
evident that Fleischer actually had a natural-born talent for prevarication.
It was even somewhat entertaining at times, in a guilty pleasure
sort of way, watching Ari lie through his teeth. With McClellan,
I just want to punch him in them. Having said that (thank you for
listening), the sickly laughable hypocrisy saturating snotty Scotty’s
admonishment of the wayward Newsmeek is so obvious, we’ll just move
on here to our next gem, as reported by Hunt:
McClellan said a retraction was only ‘a good first step’
and said Newsweek should try to set the record straight by ‘clearly
explaining what happened and how they got it wrong, particularly
to the Muslim world, and pointing out the policies and practices
of our military.
So let me get this straight: the main function of American media
is not to report facts, but rather to promote the gory glory of
America’s globe-straddling, imperialistic death machine, otherwise
know as the United States military?
Just so long as we’re clear.
This actually might be a good place to pause and ask: did
Newspeak get the story wrong? Well, yeah, obviously they did. I
mean, come on: Who other than an America-hating commie gay-lover
would believe that a member of the honorable U.S. military could
even consider throwing a Quran into a toilet? Yes, we all know America
has gone to war under false pretenses, killed tens of thousands,
wounded countless others, destroyed a country, tortured prisoners,
murdered civilians outright (in addition to killing them, all in
good faith, of course, as “collateral damage”), infuriated Muslims
all over the globe, intentionally alienated longtime allies, precipitated
a spike in terrorism worldwide, and ripped off millions of dollars
from the Iraqis while purportedly helping them, but, really, now
... desecrate the Quran?
Please! That would be over the line.
Moving backward, er, sideways, uh, forward, here’s Secretary of
State Condoleezza Rice, according to Hunt: “It’s appalling that
this story got out there.”
“Appalling” is not the first word that comes to mind; “miraculous,”
Per Hunt, Rice again:
“‘I do think [the article has] done a lot of harm. Of course,
16 people died…’”
So Condi weeps for 16 dead Afghanis. Touching. However, since
the US has slaughtered at least 100,000 Iraqis in its imperial land/oil
grab on her watch and I don’t remember ever hearing her express
similar concern for those poor souls, I do believe that if world
domination were a poker game [and some would say it is], I bet her
bet would go something like this: “I call your 6250 dead Iraqis
with my one dear, departed Afghani.” (At least we now know the approximate
rate of exchange.)
Lastly, Rice out-Rices herself:
“...but it’s also done a lot of harm to America’s efforts to demonstrate
tolerance and breed goodwill in the Muslim world.”
I’m sorry. I must’ve missed our noble efforts at selflessly helping
our Muslim friends these last couple of years while I was busy being
preoccupied with occupied Iraq.
On second thought, though, maybe ol’ Bird’s Nest Hair actually
has a point here. Perhaps it’s not so strange, after all, to wonder
why Iraqis (the ones who haven’t yet died from bombs, bullets, cholera,
or depleted uranium poisoning) aren’t just a little more grateful
for America’s big-hearted attempt to rid their country once and
for all of weapons of mass destruction, ER, smash Al-Qaeda with
whom Saddam Hussein was working closely, uh, bring democracy, yeah,
that’s it, bring democracy to their now rubble-strewn and cluster
bomb-blanketed land. After all, if the Chinese someday invade and
occupy our country for our own good after pulling the financial
rug out from underneath us by suddenly calling in the mountains
of US Treasury bills we continually sell them to prop up our bankrupt
economy, I’m sure we’ll all be in the streets singing their praises
to high heaven.
In fact, the more I think about it, the more I see that
folks like Rice and McClellan are just naturally doing and saying
what representatives of any fascistic regime would say and do. In
a weird sort of way, they’re actually being up front about how today’s
American press really operates.
All Americans know the traditional media in this country are owned,
in classic fascistic fashion, damn near lock, stock, and barrel
by the extreme right wing. Well, all Americans, that is, except
for the millions who don’t know it (which would be pretty much the
same ones who still believe their ballots count; ah, yes, fixed
elections: another hallmark of fascism).
But here’s the thing: Look at how happy the ostrich people are!
Compared to us, that is. Yes, us: the folks who continuously fret
and fume about the incessant government propaganda emanating from
America’s TV stations, radio channels, newspapers, and the like.
When was the last time you can remember not having that sick little
twist in your stomach or hearing the doom-laden thought in your
head that goes: “Man, I can’t believe how much my country has gone
to utter hell”?
What I’m saying is that when Rice tells you it’s appalling that
Newssqueak published a factual story or McClellan says it’s the
media’s duty to instruct the world to worship America’s big, hard
guns, they’re actually being honest about the current state of the
state in spite of their naturally dishonest little selves. Isn’t
it time, then, to call off the whole charade, call a spade a spade,
and get on with living in totalitarianism’s shade? (A poet I’m not,
but that’s OK; fascism disdains the arts and intellectualism, anyway.)
Just think how freeing it would be to finally quit expending all
of that energy trying to pump air into the decidedly dead duck that
once was our dear democracy. I haven’t admitted this before, but
it’s not easy constantly coming up with new, clever names for the
loonies in charge. I often revert to “Bushies,” but that has always
seemed far too cutesie to convey the sheer evil it represents. “Busheviks,”
which is popular lately, is excellent, but I didn’t think of it,
so no dice there. What’s left? Bush pigs, Bush dogs, Bush monsters,
Bushwhackers, Bushitters … ? See what I mean? My well of creativity,
she does not runneth over.
What it relief it would be just to watch WWF instead.
I’m tellin’ ya, this fascism thing has got a lot going for it.
No more sleepless nights worrying about things like: “nuclear options,”
insolvent pension plans, the problems facing organized labor (no
unions, no problem!), who to vote for, destructive nationalism,
what religion the new addition to the family will be (‘cause, under
fascism, there’s basically only one; one guess), whether corporations
will always stick it to the populace (they will, thus serving another
basic tenet of fascism: the indistinguishable co-mingling of corrupt
corporate and government interests), etc. Short of us going all
Founding Fathers-like and whippin’ up a second American R-word (unlikely),
all of that stuff -- and more! -- has either happened, is happening,
or is gonna happen.
So why the heck stew over it?
Can you imagine all the time we would save if we just figured
it was a lost cause and quit fighting -- you know, like the Democrats
in Congress? I get giddy just thinking about it. For instance, how
many hours a day now do you figure you spend on the Internet or
are otherwise similarly engaged, trying to ferret out just a few
more kernels of truth? Under fascism, you can throw such cares away
and watch the hours return to you like magic, thus making it possible
for you to drive to your third job without worrying about being
late or take that Mandarin class in anticipation of our eventual
Oh, the advantages of fascism! What in the US military-dominated
world took me so long to see them?
Mark Drolette is a political satirist/commentator who lives in Sacramento,
California. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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