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The Half-Assed Fascists
May 21, 2004
By The Watcher

Well, looks like our first (and almost assuredly last) foray into overt empire-building will end in burn-out and disgrace, as was predicted by rational thinkers long before our ne'er-do-well Boy King pumped his fist, proclaimed "feels good," then unleashed the dogs of war onto the shattered remnants of the once "Fertile Crescent." How, kind readers, did we get ourselves into such a mess?

Well, I've come to the conclusion that Bush just isn't much of a fascist. No, really, don't laugh. Many of my leftist friends think Bush is Hitler arisen, but really, let's get serious. These incompetent idiots make Mussolini look like Alexander the Great, though Iraq is looking more and more like Ethiopia circa 1936 (look it up, Freepers!)

Yup, I think the real problem is these loons currently running our country into the ground just aren't fascist enough. You know, after 9/11 and the elections of 2002, their moment had come. They controlled all the branches of Government. They had high approval ratings. All they had to do was throw off the threadbare cloak of democracy and rule like the tyrants they truly aspired to be.

If you've ever read the Project for a New American Century's (PNAC's) manifesto for a new glorious American Reich, you'd have a feel for what I'm talking about. Man, that little document literally dripped with the desire to enforce American "values" under the iron boot of the most advanced military the world has ever known. All opposition was to be crushed; no other power was to be allowed to even think about challenging the American right's vision of Capitalism Gone Wild.

So what happened?

Well it turns out our little Dubya isn't a big thinker with the ambition to match; he's just a lazy and intellectually-stunted cretin. His master, Mr. Cheney, has big ambition, but it's all about the money for him. Yup, these guys are just small time grifters, as emperors go, rather than Genghis Kahn-like leaders thirsting for a Sherman's March to the Sea-like run of rape and pillage throughout the Central Asian sub-continent.

And considering what frightened little bunnies the American people were after 9/11, they could have gone whole hog into the empire business. They could have forced Patriot II legislation down Congress's throat after the 2002 elections. Suspended Habeas Corpus. Brought back the draft. Closed down dissident news sources and websites. Banned the Democratic Party as enemies of the state once they protested all these actions.

Man, every wet dream Ollie North had planning martial law back in the 1980's could have been written into legislation to be rubber stamped by Congress in a fortnight. They then could have set about threatening the entire Middle East with nuclear obliteration if they didn't buy into the "democratization," neocon style, of their collective countries. It could've worked too. For a very short while, at least.

But it turns out all Junior is just a small man, with little dreams of making a few hundred million dollars for his family and friends by turning Iraq into Halliburton - Middle Eastern Branch. No big over-arching philosophy of world domination being enforced by the tread of an Abram's tank. No real desire to prosecute a policy of "lebensraum." No real wish to do what is necessary of an authoritarian regime to crush dissent on the home front.

In other words, just a bunch of wussies, looking to scam a few bucks before they're run out of DC on a rail. Maybe they just didn't have the stomach for it. Hey, maybe they were afraid of all those guns in the hands of the NRA members. Truth is sometimes stranger than fiction!

So what can President Kerry do, once January 2005 rolls along and he's left with this gigantic mess of spoiled world domination dreams gone bad? My first suggestion to him would be to issue mops and buckets to Dubya, Cheney and the whole neocon Gang, then send them to start washing up all the blood in Baghdad, for a start. Cleaning up failed empires is a messy job.

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