Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Articles
Democratic Underground  
SEARCH DU
Powered by FreeFind

THE DU T-SHIRT OF THE WEEK:

Click here to purchase DU Merchandise

Sweatshirts, mugs, and mousepads also available!

DONATE TO DU!
We rely on donations from our readers to run this website. If you think we're worth it, give us your money!

SUBMIT ARTICLES
Authors - we publish a wide variety of new material six days a week. If you would like us to consider your article for publication, click here.

BOOK REVIEWS
Find out what other Evil DUers are reading. And buy through our Amazon Affiliate Program.

LINKS DIRECTORY
We have over 1,000 progressive websites listed in our Links Directory.
· Democratic Party
· Forums/Communities
· Government
· Humor and Parody
· Issues and Activism
· Merchandise
· News/Commentary
· Personal Homepages
· Research and Dirt
· State and Local
· Add a link!

GET DU GEAR
Check out our fabulous range of T-shirts, mugs, baseball caps... etc.

United States to be Exported
April 17, 2004
Satire by Art Howard

Following years of American employers exporting jobs overseas, the Bush administration announced today that all 50 of the United States will be auctioned and shippped abroad under a new international trade policy.

"This new program will benefit the American consumer by providing cheaper goods and services while adding value for corporate shareholders," said Gregory Mankiw, the president's chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers.

Under the policy, each state will be up for auction to corporations. The highest-bidding corporations will then move these states and their citizens to countries they believe are more economically-efficient to do business in.

The residents will work under the labor laws of their host countries while retaining American citizenship. Financial analysts speculate manufacturing states like Ohio, Pennsylvania and Michigan will move to China or Taiwan, while tech-heavy states such as California and Texas will go to India.

Middle and upper managers will be moved to any of a number of small islands with no corporate tax laws. When all 50 states are gone the resultant gap will be filled by Mexico.

In a speech from the White House lawn, President Bush stated, "Business owners seek friendly environments for their companies, free of restrictive environmental regulation and overbearing worker's rights laws. Citizens are angry to see their jobs being moved to foreign nations. Illegal immigrants are flooding our borders looking for freedom. Exporting our states and filling this space with Mexico should be a satisfactory resolution for everyone. This is a day of celebration."

He added that the plan also benefits the war on terror, since "evil-doers will no longer have a concentrated target."

When asked how Americans are supposed to buy the products they produce when they may earn only a dollar an hour in their new work locales, the President abruptly called an end to the press conference.

"This is dumb as fuck," said former Democratic presidential candidate and Vermont governor Howard Dean. Reports of Dean's latest gaffe hit the major news services seconds later.

The move is seen as savvy by political pundits, as it aims to silence those who have been critical of the president's policies regarding outsourcing and amnesty for illegal aliens.

"It makes perfect sense," says economic adviser Mankiw. "Corporations can operate in Third World countries while maintaining the consumer goodwill that comes with being an American company. Workers can keep their jobs. And with Mexico bordering Canada, we'll lose our illegal alien problem," he enthuses.

"This policy will give Americans the opportunity to be active participants in the exportation of their jobs and to learn about other cultures, too."


You can reach Art Howard at art@arthoward.com

Printer-friendly version
Tell a friend about this article Tell a friend about this article
Discuss this article
Democratic Underground Homepage

 
© 2001 - 2004 Democratic Underground, LLC
 

Important Notice: Articles published on the Democratic Underground website are the opinions of the individuals who write them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC