Satire by Larry S. Rolirad
AT THE SEPTEMBER 11 COMMISSION HEARING...
Chairman of the Commission: Okay Senator Kerrey,
it is your turn. Remember that you have only ten minutes to
ask Dr. Rice questions.
Senator Kerrey: Good morning Dr. Rice. Could you
tell me how old you are?
Condoleezza Rice: My mother had on a green dress
when I was born. She got it at Macy's. She paid $100 for it.
My mom saved and saved to buy that dress and she was so happy
to be able to go and buy it. She went into the store and laid
out five twenty dollar bills for the dress. The salesgirl's
name was Samantha and she was from Rhode Island where her
Senator Kerrey: Excuse me Dr. Rice, but I just want
to know how old you are.
Condoleezza Rice: Well, you know that I believe it
is very important to look at the whole picture of the...
Senator Kerrey: Dr. Rice, please, would you just
answer my question?
Condoleezza Rice: Well yes, and that is what I am
trying to do. But we need to understand the circumstances
surround the events of my birth. It is because of this reason
Senator Kerrey: Please Dr. Rice, I just want to know
how old you are. Could you please tell me what your age is?
Condoleezza Rice: I would be more than happy to answer
your question but I need to know why you are asking the question.
Things are never in black and white. There are a lot of gray
areas. I don't believe that...
Senator Kerrey: Dr. Rice, could you please stop going
around in convoluted circles and just answer the question!
Condoleezza Rice: My mother's dress was green and
my dad was wearing a blue shirt. They drove to the hospital
in a '46 Chevrolet sedan. That was our family car for more
than ten years. I have so many fond memories of that car and
the trips we took as a family. The car was jet black and it
had a two tone gray interior. I remember when we went on trips
I would stick my head out the window and feel the air rush
by my face. It was so much fun. I wish that...
Senator Kerrey: What does all of that have to do
with the question I asked you? I implore you Dr. Rice to answer
Condoleezza Rice: What you don't understand is that
age is a relative thing. It is a culmination of time or existence
of a person's time on earth. In the grand scheme of things
we are all just a small part of an infinite whole. You might
Senator Kerrey: Dr. Rice if you would just answer
the question that I posed to you.
Chairman of the Commission: I am sorry Senator Kerrey
but your ten minutes of questioning is up. We will have to
move on to the next questioner. Okay Senator Thompson, it
is your turn. Remember that you have only ten minutes to ask
Dr. Rice your questions.
Senator Thompson: Good morning Dr. Rice. Could you
tell me how old you are?