Uses Word "Terror" in Dramatic Campaign Speech
Satire by David Albrecht
(LOS ANGELES) - In a nationally televised campaign speech,
President George W. Bush wowed audience members and the press
corps through his use of the word "terror". "Terror", said
the president. "Terror, terror, war on terror, 9/11, 9/11,
Saddam Hussein, terror, Saddam Hussein, 9/11, 9/11, terror."
Stung by criticism from Democratic candidates, Bush shot
back today in Los Angeles in his first post-Super Tuesday
speech. "No turning back in the war on terrorism", he stated.
"War, wartime president, terror, Saddam Hussein, terror, terror."
His remarks were rapturously received by hundreds of audience
members at today's fundraising appearance. They particularly
liked Mr. Bush's repetition of the scary word, "terror".
Jack Daugherty, a local real estate agent and GOP activist,
said that he was reassured and uplifted by the speech. "The
president said today what needed to be said, and I'm confident
in his chances this November. Kerry and the Democrats can
carp and whine all they like, but there's no way they can
respond to 'Terror. Fighting terror, evil dictator, terror,
war on terrorism.' No liberal senator from Massachusetts could
make a speech like that."
News analysts, political professionals and ordinary voters
had been waiting for the president's initial campaign effort,
which had been sidelined during the Democratic primary season.
Fred Barnes of Fox News noted that sheer repetition gave the
speech a compelling gravitas. "To be honest, the president
isn't the best public speaker in the world. But his use of
the word "terror" 277 times in the speech - and that's stand-alone
use not including phrases like "war on terror" or "fighting
terror" - made the case for Bush's solid, assured leadership."
Candy Crowley of CNN agreed. During coverage and analysis
of the speech, her mouth was too stuffed with Krispy Kreme
doughnuts to allow any intelligible words to emerge. However,
a pinched facial expression, cascades of tears and emphatic
foot-stomping made it clear to viewers that she found the
speech both intellectually convincing and emotionally moving.
Many voters have said that they're more concerned about
the economy and jobs than about terrorism, and Bush devoted
a substantial portion of today's speech to domestic issues,
in particular economic policy. "Tax cuts, tax cuts," said
President Bush, "Tax cuts, jobs, growth, economic recovery,
recovery, low interest rates, jobs, tax cuts, manufacturing,
cutting the deficit, tax cuts, jobs."
The president placed particular emphasis on jobs and job
training to assuage fears of what some have called a jobless
recovery: "Jobs, job training, job training programs, jobs,
tax cuts, jobs, strong economic growth, retraining, global
economy, jobs, job training." While foreign affairs have dominated
the president's agenda since 9/11, his statement that "Jobs,
tax cuts, jobs, low interest rates, jobs, productivity, jobs"
reassured many in the audience that the economic future is
Speaking briefly to reporters while leaving the event, President
Bush outlined his plans for the next day or two on the campaign
trail. "Airplane", the president said, "airplane, fly, eat,
home, Laura, Barney, fly, talk, Jesus, sleep, work, terror,
Saddam Hussein, 9/11."