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NOVEMBER 2003

Tales from the Primary Trail: Dr. Dean's House Calls
November 26, 2003 · A year ago the notion of a "Dean Juggernaut" would have been fantasy. Even six months ago, the concept was a punch line in the making but today with the New Hampshire primary fast approaching, it's a sobering - no make that horrifying - fact for the rivals of former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean. By Michael McCord

Of Fowl and Phoenix
November 25, 2003 · Karl Rove and I have at least one thing in common this week - we're back out on stage alone once again, baring our souls for all to see. We've cast our lot the only way we know how. One of us is embarking on a remarkable comeback. The other has jumped the shark, and is spiraling down to certain doom. Who can say which of us is phoenix, and which of us is just the charred carcass of some turkey not lucky enough to be pardoned by a merciful President? By Raul Groom

America: Land of the Free, Home of the Chickenhawks
November 25, 2003 · Over 400 men and women of the Armed Forces have been killed in Iraq. They served their country with honor, not questioning their duties as soldiers. These questions are left to those at home who have the courage to ask questions and demand answers while proudly flying the flag. By John Cobarruvias

A Current Affairs Primer
November 21, 2003 · What's going on in Iraq? Can Bush be defeated in 2004? And if so, how? Here's a handy Q&A primer explaining everything you need to know about the issues of today and their impact on the 2004 elections. By Bernard Weiner

Is Bush Finished?
November 21, 2003 · In a normal world, any President heading into an election year with the three year old luggage Bush is carrying, would be deader than the proverbial doorknob. Yet if polls can be trusted, he's still riding around at a 50% approval rating. By Bernard Weiner

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner
November 20, 2003 · Hello? Is this really Queen Elizabeth? Well, thanks, Your Royal Highness, for taking my call. I know you're really really busy this week getting things all spruced up for our Dear Leader Himself, so I probably don't have to ask you to "guess who's coming to dinner," now, do I? Ha-ha-ha. By Sheila Samples

Governor Arnold, the Car Tax, and Pigs in the Road
November 19, 2003 · Gov. Schwarzenegger's first official act was to sign an executive order repealing the car registration fee that had been automatically hiked earlier this year. That's good news for motorists - until they're in need of emergency services. By Dan Gougherty

We Are Being Held Hostage by Apathy
November 19, 2003 · I have come to the opinion that we are the most disengaged democracy on this planet. That is because almost half of our country just does not care. Some will even tell you with pride that they do not vote and to me that is inexcusable. By Mary MacElveen

Autumn Leaves and the Failed Iraq Experiment
November 18, 2003 · Like autumn leaves, our soldiers continue to fall and die, their bodies devoid of a life once so full of energy. More than 400 have died so far, and the number of injured is eight times that, conveniently hidden from Americans' view, lest we see the horrors that our little war for oil has spawned. By Manuel Valenzuela

Tales from the Primary Trail: Gen. Wesley Clark to the Rescue?
November 18, 2003 · Unlike any New Hampshire primary since 1968, when the insurgent candidacy of Sen. Eugene McCarthy caught fire following the Tet Offensive in Vietnam, the issue of foreign affairs really matters. What happens in Baghdad and Nasariya is shaping events on the primary ground in Concord, Manchester, and Keene - which might play to the strengths of Gen. Clark. By Michael McCord

Thou Shall Question Authority
November 15, 2003 · Did you know that there was an eleventh commandment? It got left off the tablet because Moses broke the chisel and lost his spare and the closest Home Depot was twelve miles away by donkey. When it comes to professors, politicians, lawyers and doctors, Thou Shall Question Authority. They can teach us, they can protect us, they can lead us, they can even cure us. But they can't save us. By Rev. Marie D. Jones

Please Don't Write off the Southern Centrists (We Do Still Exist)
November 15, 2003 · John Edwards can do what probably only one other candidate can do: carry the South. And please do not dismiss the South as unimportant. Florida aside, the only other deep south states to vote Democratic in the past three elections were Louisiana and Georgia. My state of Texas has not voted Democratic since Johnson. And this is wrong. Southerners have more to benefit than any other region: health care, equality, education… the list goes on and on into a heap of Republican fear-induced rhetoric. By Rush Roberts

If It Burns, It Earns
November 15, 2003 · Watch a TV report of a distant conflagration, and you will hear meaningless names of unfamiliar places. Are the reports accurate? How would you know? Those place names are just empty words to you. By Ernest Partridge

Bye, Bye Miss American Pie
November 14, 2003 · Outsourcing is tantamount to legalized slave labor. Of course, it's much more than that to the American worker. Ask anyone who is out of work, out of unemployment, on the verge of losing their home and all that they worked for and thought was their American dream come true. Their jobs by the multi-millions have left the shores of the U.S. for greener, cheaper labor. Slave labor. By Norma Sherry

Song For Things That Never Were - America 2003
November 14, 2003 · I live in a vortex of time where persons on the political right act like terrorist hopefuls, saying they would like to kill liberals and Democratic presidential contenders. And this is a sivilized country, as Mark Twain might say? By Michael Arvey

Handicapping the 2004 Race: Wazzup, Democrats?
November 13, 2003 · Twelve months from now, the most important American presidential election since the Depression will take place. It will determine whether the country continues its imperial warring abroad and whether domestically we will continue our quick slide away from Constitutional protections into an even more militarist, police-state society. The stakes are that high. By Bernard Weiner

What's Worth It, and What Isn't
November 12, 2003 · Anyone who has had a hand in raising an infant to adulthood may know the feeling: you watch the weekly casualty list from Iraq and you're hit hardest by the ages of some of the soldiers. A nineteen year old, another, and yet another. Dead at the age of nineteen. The feeling I speak of is heartache. By Kurt Kurowski

From Baghdad to Dover
November 12, 2003 · Some of us believe that it is time for Americans to gather round and comfort our sons and daughters who are wounded, and to grieve for those whose lives were snuffed out before they had time to be lived. It's time for a group hug - from Bahgdad to Dover. There's nothing treasonous, or even unpatriotic, about reaching out to say good-bye. By Sheila Samples

Iraq: Just Like Germany?
November 11, 2003 · We need a plan for Iraq. What we don't need are fairy tales about the similarities between the occupations of Germany or Japan or the Philippines or anywhere else. We don't need Team Bush to lapse into juvenile namecalling whenever someone dares criticize the war or the war/occupation. We don't need them to tell us we don't understand what's at stake. This is Iraq, this is now, and we're in trouble. By Weldon Berger

The Bombshell That Bombed
November 11, 2003 · Last week Sean Hannity happened across what he thought was a big story. Immediately the usual suspects of the right wing joined in the task of trying to make Hannity's memo soufflé rise. But Hannity's bombshell was a dud. By Mike McArdle

Book Learnin' Equals Hate
November 7, 2003 · Liberal authors are climbing the bestseller lists, but evidently what's sauce for the goose is just plain scandalous and dreadful when applied to the gander. Conservatives are shocked - shocked! - to find that after years of being brow-beaten, the Lefties in this country might fire back with the same force and fervor. By Gil Christner

Fair and Balanced? What a Laugh!
November 7, 2003 · A very sophisticated propaganda tool, Fox News' "fair and balanced" slogan is both an inside joke and a colossal lie. Chosen with a certain cynicism, "fair and balanced" has enabled Fox News to say just about anything its owner or its chief executive want as long as the network poses itself as the anti-liberal font of truth. By Gerald Plessner

Eveyone Will Be Disappointed with "Saving Jessica Lynch" - Except the Audience
November 7, 2003 · Advertised by NBC as "based on the true story behind the ambush of the 507th Maintenance Company, and the dramatic rescue of Pfc. Jessica Lynch," "Saving Jessica Lynch," written by veteran screenwriter John Fasano, will certainly set off some sort of divisive political debate. After all, it's about a divisive war. Or is it? By Steve Jones

Free Speechified
November 5, 2003 · From the outset of the Iraq war, the Bush administration has tried to freeze free speech. But if impending war and post-war criticism aren't pressing and appropriate times for a free allowance of speech, then when and in what circumstance would it be? Should a citizenry feign patriotic zeal and support a president and policies that are clearly and disingenuously deceptive and wrong? By Michael Arvey

Taking Our Country Forward
November 5, 2003 · Nobody in the establishment wants to consider doing what it would take to get the people who are most endangered by that violence onto the voter rolls and into the polling booths. Because that would involve giving them some kind of stake in the outcome; and that would involve making changes to our society so that it no longer excludes, deprives, and exploits them. By The Plaid Adder

Justice Department Introduces MOM AND APPLE PIE Act
November 5, 2003 · With the success of the PATRIOT Act, the PROTECT Act, and the VICTORY Act, President Bush and conservative lawmakers are hailing the introduction of the Justice Department's MOM AND APPLE PIE Act of 2003. In a statement to reporters Thursday, President Bush said, "MOM AND APPLE PIE will serve to increase our nation's security against terror, adequately fund our schools, and provide relief from rising medical costs to seniors in their time of need." Satire by Ian Watson

Iraq Spinning Out Of Control
November 4, 2003 · If broken-hearted Americans turned on Sunday to the administration or to its enabling corporate media for comfort - for some viable explanation that would justify the stuffing into body bags of yet 16 more of our cherished husbands, sons and brothers - they were disappointed. They were left to drown in their own tears; to be crushed under the weight of their collective anguish. By Sheila Samples

The Political Airbrush
November 4, 2003 · The effectiveness of this administration's control on the national media is unprecedented in its scope. In ways, large and small, the view that is seen by most of the American population has been so controlled and sanitized that it is unrecognizable as reality. By Bridget Gibson

Republican Political Correctness
November 1, 2003 · Back in the 1990's, Republicans were up in arms about something called Political Correctness, or PC. The story back then was that women and people of color could say or do whatever they wanted, while oppressed white men had to constantly submit to absurd restrictions on their language and behavior. Sometime in the early part of the Bush presidency, the Republican Party kidnapped Political Correctness outright. By Woody

Simi Valley Residents Detect Gigantic Clinton Penis in Forest Fire Smoke Cloud
November 1, 2003 · Residents of this conservative Los Angeles suburb, already stunned after a week of devastating forest fires, are now trying to recover from yet another shock - a huge smoke cloud hanging high above the blaze that scorched their homes - an enormous, cylindrical cloud closely matching descriptions of the penis of former president Bill Clinton. Satire by David Albrecht

Political Orientation and Statistics 101
November 1, 2003 · The latest nasty name to call someone is "centrist." It has joined "liberal" (from the Right Wing Lexicon), and is defined as "a person or a philosophy to be avoided; traitor, turncoat, fool." Statistically, this is a terrible call. Because the political center outnumbers us. Badly. By Tyler Durden

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