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Britney's
Black Helicopter
October
28, 2003
By Mike McArdle
 A
few years back I discovered the joys of posting on computer
message boards. It was not long after the Columbine killings
in Colorado, and the subject of guns and access to them was
a frequent topic of conversation on the board I posted at.
The board was populated by a number of, er, very devoted NRA
types, and although I had known many gun owners - and even
some who were ardent advocates of what they felt were their
Second Amendment rights - I wasn't at all prepared for some
of the things I found out from the online gun advocates.
I discovered that there were people who were really convinced
that America was headed for a civil war between the gun owners
and the confiscators. They were obsessed with the Waco and
Ruby Ridge incidents and truly believed that they too would
one day have to be holed up in a compound somewhere in Idaho
or Montana or some similar remote area where they would have
to fight off the evil agents of their own country who had
strayed from the true path of the Constitution.
In their world there was always a fleet of black helicopters
heading their way bearing the SWAT teams who would spearhead
the New World Order's final push to disarm them. (The New
World Order, as best as I could determine, was a conglomeration
of the UN, the media, the universities and a group of disloyal
Constitution-haters who all had government jobs). The last
chopper, of course, carried Hillary Clinton, who would be
there to lead them to the gunless Gulag once the SWAT teams
had done their jobs.
I was reminded of my old cyberspace gun friends the other
day when I came across the NRA
blacklist, a fact sheet that the National Rifle Association
offers to all visitors to their website. It identifies individuals,
organizations and corporations that apparently suffer from
the twisted, un-American delusion that the Founding Fathers
didn't want all Americans to be able to defend themselves
with fertilizer bombs. The list is a full nineteen pages long
and can be printed out and duct-taped to the wall of your
trailer in case you forget who the enemies of freedom are.
The NRA doesn't explain in detail why any of these people
or organizations are on their list but I think that we can
be sure that some will take their word that those on the list
are laying in wait to shred our precious Bill of Rights and
render us defenseless against the criminal hordes in our streets
and our government.
Upon looking at the list I realized just what a service
the NRA has performed for those who value their Second Amendment
rights. I mean without the NRA to tell you otherwise, you
might be under the impression that Olympic figure-skating
champion Tara Lipinski and Tampa Bay wide-receiver Keyshawn
Johnson were just harmless if talented professional athletes.
How wrong you are - they're on the list so they're after your
guns. Remember Heisman Trophy winner and pro quarterback Doug
Flutie? Well don't trust him with your Glock or you just might
find yourself disarmed.
In fact the sports establishment seems to be infested with
New World Order types, particularly it seems, in the state
of Missouri. The St. Louis Cardinals are on the list as are
their football counterparts the St. Louis Rams. Ride down
I-70 and you find the Kansas City Royals, gun-grabbing former
employers of Rush Limbaugh. They too are on the list, as are
football's Kansas City Chiefs.
James Madison may have worked tirelessly to guarantee that
every schizophrenic who gets released from a mental institution
can buy an Uzi on his way home but there are still many in
the entertainment business who don't subscribe to this most
basic of American principles. Among them you'll find country
singer Shania Twain, the "Boss" Bruce Springsteen, actresses
Renee Russo, Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones, and -
oops, she confiscated again - none other than Britney Spears.
Keep buying their music or going to their movies and you could
find that your God-given right to surface-to-air missiles
has disappeared without a trace.
Even Bond, James Bond can't be trusted. Sean Connery is
on the list, as is Austin Powers' Mike Myers.
But it doesn't stop with sports and entertainment - there
are, incredibly, many in the news business and even professional
and religious organizations who are out to deprive us our
sacred right to own rocket propelled grenades. Reagan surgeon
general C. Everett Koop was a stealth gun-grabber as are the
B'nai B'rith, American Academy of Pediatrics, American Association
of Retired Persons and the United States Conference of Mayors.
So I guess my old friends from that message board were right.
Everybody from Britney to the B'nai B'rith is out to get their
guns. Stay in those bunkers, guys, it's worse than you thought.
You just can't trust anybody.
More information: http://www.nrablacklist.com/
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