By Noel Moore
Fully aware of the secret right-wing sympathies of Democratic
Underground and sharing your ongoing resolve to assist the
GOP (Grand Old Party) and their corporate supporters, not
to mention the religious right, win the 2004 and, hopefully,
all future elections, I am writing to enlist your support
in helping George W. Bush and his associates do just that
by launching a totally new project - a new mass media hero
Now here's the pitch: the basic idea is an action hero television
series using image transfer, along the lines of Arnold Schwartznegger's
bid for the governorship of California, to win the enthusiastic
support of the potato-faced masses, you know who I mean. Madison
Avenue suits call them Tillie Glutz and Joe Sixpack. They're
the new majority. As you know, they can be conditioned to
respond like Pavlov's dogs with television action heroes,
jingles and symbols. A lot of George Dubya Bush's actions
and policies are based on this premise and they will appreciate
the subtlety of my approach.
I’m thinking of something like The Incredible Hulk, but
more humanized with a bit of subliminal seduction thrown in,
to evoke the shock of recognition and feelings of love and
support from prospective voters, while at the same time filling
Arabs, Iraqis, wily Pashtuns, Taliban, mad mullahs, hill tribes
and their ilk with shock and awe and sending them scurrying
for the foothills in fear and terror to cower in caves.
But this Monster is on our side. He's a good Republican
monster and only becomes a fearsome apparition when the danger
alert color code reaches yellow-orange. When angered his face
becomes a composite of the outstanding features of all the
familiar faces who have protected, comforted and consoled
Americans during the past two years.
Here's how I see him composed by a police composite artist
that you can hire. Makeup artists can do the rest and later
on we can use gene splicing to create the real thing.
You start off with the low, sloping, simian brow of John
Ashcroft. That will evoke reassuring emotional responses that
the constitution is in safe hands.Okay, so we had to suspend
it temporarily to help us nab the baddies, but with Jerry
Falwell and John and other fundamental Christians keeping
an eye on our safety we know the constitution is secure.
Next come the beetling eyebrows of Tom Ridge Secretary of
Homeland Security. More safe, warm and secure feelings. His
color coding of the threat factor is brilliant. Only a matter
of time before the whole country realizes we need a 21st Century
crusade to smite the infidels before they smite us.
Below that the deep sunk feral eyes of Condoleeza Rice.
Music sting – in my mother's eyes.
And of course the bat wing ears of Paul Wolfowitz. Deputy
Secretary of Defense. Subtle identification with Batman.
Then comes the scimitar shaped nose of Prince Bandar of
Saudi Arabia. Slicing the air like a sabre in defence of basic
freedoms. Even if they do use torture in Riyadh it is politically
and morally correct. The Wahabi mullahs say so.
And don't forget the prognathous jaw of Donald Rumsfeld.
He'll wrestle the baddies to the mat and make money while
doing so. His mouth offers interesting possibilities for a
snarl that will surely strike terror in the hearts of Al Quaeda
terrorists and supporters.
However, on second thoughts I think a bit of subtlety to
really put the fear of death in them is called for here. Something
that will surely chill the souls of all who see it - are you
ready for this? - the silly, simpering Alfred E. Neumann smirk
of George Dubya Bush.
We can use the quacking voice of Dick Cheney in the chittering
sound effects that precede the transformation of GOPZILLA
from an ordinary guy to the monster. In the transition from
Man to Monster we have a subliminal message imbedded in the
sound track to the effect that he's a dick.
To round the monster off we will use the porcine contours
of Rush Limbaugh swathed in the burnous and djellabi of a
Kuwaiti oil sheik.
Finally, to include the full spectrum of subliminal images
GOPZILLA should have the lurching, shambling gait of Ariel
We can't fail with this combination. The composite image
of all those familiar features will inspire and comfort viewers
and members of the Coalition of the Willing with warm feelings
of love, devotion and admiration while filling everybody else
with shock, awe and terror. I can see it now. An action packed
series: Episodes of GOPZILLA in Iraq, in Iran, in Syria before
he goes on to clean up Pakistan, Turkey , then moving in on
France, Germany, China, Russia and Canada.
Now whaddya think of that? The GOP fund raisers can sell
the idea to Rupert Murdoch or some other media mogul and use
the money to buy 30-second soundbites. Hollywood can get it
into production right away and have it up and running on all
the corporate media well before November 2004.
As for me, although not a citizen I want to demonstrate
my patriotism and admiration for the American way well before
George, Donald, Paul, Condoleeza, Tom, Ariel and the others
take over the world. Just in case they maintain an enemies
by Noel Moore, composite by EarlG