Democratic Underground  
GOPZILLA
October 8, 2003
By Noel Moore

Fully aware of the secret right-wing sympathies of Democratic Underground and sharing your ongoing resolve to assist the GOP (Grand Old Party) and their corporate supporters, not to mention the religious right, win the 2004 and, hopefully, all future elections, I am writing to enlist your support in helping George W. Bush and his associates do just that by launching a totally new project - a new mass media hero called GOPZILLA.

Now here's the pitch: the basic idea is an action hero television series using image transfer, along the lines of Arnold Schwartznegger's bid for the governorship of California, to win the enthusiastic support of the potato-faced masses, you know who I mean. Madison Avenue suits call them Tillie Glutz and Joe Sixpack. They're the new majority. As you know, they can be conditioned to respond like Pavlov's dogs with television action heroes, jingles and symbols. A lot of George Dubya Bush's actions and policies are based on this premise and they will appreciate the subtlety of my approach.

Im thinking of something like The Incredible Hulk, but more humanized with a bit of subliminal seduction thrown in, to evoke the shock of recognition and feelings of love and support from prospective voters, while at the same time filling Arabs, Iraqis, wily Pashtuns, Taliban, mad mullahs, hill tribes and their ilk with shock and awe and sending them scurrying for the foothills in fear and terror to cower in caves.

But this Monster is on our side. He's a good Republican monster and only becomes a fearsome apparition when the danger alert color code reaches yellow-orange. When angered his face becomes a composite of the outstanding features of all the familiar faces who have protected, comforted and consoled Americans during the past two years.

Here's how I see him composed by a police composite artist that you can hire. Makeup artists can do the rest and later on we can use gene splicing to create the real thing.

You start off with the low, sloping, simian brow of John Ashcroft. That will evoke reassuring emotional responses that the constitution is in safe hands.Okay, so we had to suspend it temporarily to help us nab the baddies, but with Jerry Falwell and John and other fundamental Christians keeping an eye on our safety we know the constitution is secure.

Next come the beetling eyebrows of Tom Ridge Secretary of Homeland Security. More safe, warm and secure feelings. His color coding of the threat factor is brilliant. Only a matter of time before the whole country realizes we need a 21st Century crusade to smite the infidels before they smite us.

Below that the deep sunk feral eyes of Condoleeza Rice. Music sting in my mother's eyes.

And of course the bat wing ears of Paul Wolfowitz. Deputy Secretary of Defense. Subtle identification with Batman.

Then comes the scimitar shaped nose of Prince Bandar of Saudi Arabia. Slicing the air like a sabre in defence of basic freedoms. Even if they do use torture in Riyadh it is politically and morally correct. The Wahabi mullahs say so.

And don't forget the prognathous jaw of Donald Rumsfeld. He'll wrestle the baddies to the mat and make money while doing so. His mouth offers interesting possibilities for a snarl that will surely strike terror in the hearts of Al Quaeda terrorists and supporters.

However, on second thoughts I think a bit of subtlety to really put the fear of death in them is called for here. Something that will surely chill the souls of all who see it - are you ready for this? - the silly, simpering Alfred E. Neumann smirk of George Dubya Bush.

We can use the quacking voice of Dick Cheney in the chittering sound effects that precede the transformation of GOPZILLA from an ordinary guy to the monster. In the transition from Man to Monster we have a subliminal message imbedded in the sound track to the effect that he's a dick.

To round the monster off we will use the porcine contours of Rush Limbaugh swathed in the burnous and djellabi of a Kuwaiti oil sheik.

Finally, to include the full spectrum of subliminal images GOPZILLA should have the lurching, shambling gait of Ariel Sharon.

We can't fail with this combination. The composite image of all those familiar features will inspire and comfort viewers and members of the Coalition of the Willing with warm feelings of love, devotion and admiration while filling everybody else with shock, awe and terror. I can see it now. An action packed series: Episodes of GOPZILLA in Iraq, in Iran, in Syria before he goes on to clean up Pakistan, Turkey , then moving in on France, Germany, China, Russia and Canada.

Now whaddya think of that? The GOP fund raisers can sell the idea to Rupert Murdoch or some other media mogul and use the money to buy 30-second soundbites. Hollywood can get it into production right away and have it up and running on all the corporate media well before November 2004.

As for me, although not a citizen I want to demonstrate my patriotism and admiration for the American way well before George, Donald, Paul, Condoleeza, Tom, Ariel and the others take over the world. Just in case they maintain an enemies list.

*Article by Noel Moore, composite by EarlG

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